Weremonkey

repeating sync

2012-02-07T08:27:00.002-05:00

Odd. Looks like half the mommy-bloggers I read and friends with very young children are going through divorces now. At the same time. I wonder what gives and if it has something to do with the pressures of this economy - perhaps a lot of couples just need one less concern or feeling of responsibility while they are trying to hold their lives together. Maybe they need to lift some of their burdens. Perhaps fathers are running away now from the tether of it all too as this economy makes everyone feel trapped. I just find it curious.

It reminds me of an old family story my grandmother told me years ago. When my mother's family was going through the hardest part of their lives economically, my grandfather split. What they told the family was that he had gone out of state to look for work but in reality, he was fleeing the burden of a wife and children and had taken a mistress in another town. My grandmother saved herself and her children by absolutely refusing to grant him a divorce. Her family, who were very proper and had a lot of public servants and ministers in it, let it be known that they did not divorce. Period. Eventually, my grandfather returned and they stayed together the rest of their lives. I do not think that tactic would ever work today and I do not think most women would think they had to live in an unhappy marriage to survive today.

One thought leads to another.

The marriages of both sets of grandparents I had were based much more on survival than on affection by the time I came along. None of my grandparents slept in the same bed and they had their own rooms. They got along and were polite to each other but there had not been a relationship between them in long time. That makes me also wonder if we expect too much from our relationships or if our grandparents expected too little.

It's still a man's world, financially, but things are much better than they were for our grandmothers and mothers. Married men still far out-live single men but single men seem to embrace chaos. More women seem to require order. Nature or nurture? That said, I do know a few very together single-parenting fathers and it is interesting to note that there are few men in this world more attractive to women than the responsible, nurturing, single fathers. I wonder if they know what rock-stars they are in the eyes of a lot of the women I know because they seem rare and extraordinary. Single mothers are never viewed the same way by men. Women usually have to protect their children from the men in their lives. Men see the mothers as potential financial burdens and steer clear of them. Being a single parent seems like the ultimate independence and the greatest measure of how responsible you are or not. It also makes the extended family of grandparents, aunts, and uncles much more important. Most of the people in my family - in multiple generations - would never have survived without the help of sisters, parents, and grandparents.

sick

2012-02-07T08:04:00.002-05:00

Everyone but the cat has a cold this week. MonsterMustDie is taking a second day off work, after getting up this morning and deciding he feels worse than he did yesterday morning. I am on the mend, but producing glorious amounts of mucus and trying to to speak and/or cough. Mostly, I am worried about the room mate because this is the first cold he's had in a very long time. The last time he had a cold, things went very very badly for him.

time

2012-02-02T16:53:00.002-05:00

I am kicking myself for wasting time that I should be spending my job search. Not being very productive today. Talking in squeaks. Voiceless with a cold. I can't get motivated to send letters and resumes out today. Feeling poor and woebegone while waiting to file my income taxes. I also need to put myself in a news blackout, since everything I see and hear gets me down. It makes me feel like my job search is hopeless and that I will eventually die homeless, in the street, bereft of family or friends. It's a downward spiral that begins when I hear or read about anything social, economic, political or environmental.

On a more positive view, the warm moist weather outside is causing a bit of Spring fever in me as well. I want to rake leaves and plant seeds now. Ladybugs have been swarming the house for weeks now and I have no idea where they are coming from. I've never seen them is such numbers here before but they are inside and outside the house. I can look out the window and see them flying around the bushes and look at the doors and windows and see them coming inside the house. Mostly, they seem to be coming into MonsterMustDie's office. Every corner around his desk is littered with ladybugs.

Der Biergarten

2012-01-28T08:05:00.006-05:00

One should only go to Der Biergarten to drink and not to eat. We had been there only once before, when the German restaurant was newly opened, and our experience was not as bad then as it was last night.

I ordered the Gegrillte Forelle mit Senfsauce (grilled trout), which was over-cooked and so charred outside that it was inedible, even after removing all of the skin from the fish (I was starving and desperate for a meal). Wasted my money on that dish. MonsterMustDie ordered the Wiener Schitzel (veal) and left more than half of it on his plate. Later, he told me that half of it was too dry to eat and had the texture of cardboard. This tells me they probably prepare everything in advance and reheat it in a microwave or on the grill. Awful food. The only thing I liked was the smoked salmon that sat on top of the hard-as-rock potato pancake. This makes the $72 price tag on the meal for two - where all we enjoyed were his beers and a few slices of lox - especially heartbreaking.

As the cherry on top, the parking lot across the street was supposed to accept validated tickets from the restaurant. It did not. And apparently the credit card reader was not working for anyone either, so we had to dig for every spare bit of change we had to pay for "free" parking between $5 to $10 for everyone.

go on

2012-01-19T17:02:00.002-05:00

Not being as successful as I would like to be with keeping busy or spending time with friends. Seems like everyone else is too busy for me lately. Clark phoned yesterday. He's too busy to hang out yet too, but we did promise to meet for lunch at Java Monkey in the future. He enjoys our odd conversations. It made me happy to hear from him.

Murray, a.k.a. Baby Maurice is supposedly going through divorce proceedings again. He is strangely a bit more cheerful than usual these days when he phones to complain about his life. My favorite malcontent, his consistency is reassuring.

Tomorrow is Vinophiles, which I am looking forward to participating in. Haven't decided what to make as my food item yet. I could go with my mushroom bourguignon or try something newer and simpler/faster to make. What I really want to have with red wines of Bordeaux is pomme frites but I'm not so good at fried foods. I know, that's unbelievable considering that I am a Southern woman, but I don't trust myself to make something light and crisp on the first try so that rules out making it myself for a companion food. Since I have all day to cook, time really is not a consideration anyway. I can always try something more daring early in the day and, if it fails, I'd still have time for another grocery run an cooking session.

The highlight of today was receiving the shipment of organic blood oranges that I had agreed to split with a couple of neighbors. I'm looking forward to splitting up the box of fresh oranges and getting repaid for my part of the investment.

Foggy Day

2012-01-08T17:48:00.001-05:00

The murky drive home from Debra's memorial service.

Not at my best.

2012-01-08T17:40:00.002-05:00

I'm having one of those days when I need to just shut up because I can't say anything right. I feel like I am a prisoner in my own life these days. Trying to be a better ghost.

downed pine tree

2012-01-05T09:24:00.002-05:00

This is apparently the cause of the power failure on Monday night. A neighbor’s pine tree was blown down across the street. Usually, it is 1. sweetgum or 2. poplar trees that fall here. The pines, ugly and common as they are, stay put most of the time.

cold night

2012-01-03T08:30:00.004-05:00

Last night was the coldest night of this season so far, with lows in the 20s. It was also horribly windy as the cold air collided with the very warm air Atlanta has been enjoying. Trees and branches fell and our power went out around 8:00 p.m. so we spent the coldest night without electricity or heat. And I had just started a load of clothes in the washer.

The best part of the night, other than turning off the TV, was having the first fire of the season and being able to enjoy sitting by the fire because the downstairs area was still cleared out from the Winter Solstice party. Unfortunately, Ellie has no fear of fire just like she has no fear of water so we could not leave cat or fire unattended for a second. Eventually, with some protest, she calmed down and settled onto the sheepskin of self-comfort.

Power and heat is back on this morning. The clothes that were stuck in the washer are now being washed again. The old Dutch man is horribly grumpy this morning. He was throwing out his gloves because they had a tiny hole in them - that he caused by petting the cat belly while wearing them - so he was raging about no gloves to wear and no scarf because he had already thrown away all of his scarves for having moth/ carpet beetle holes in them. My mother had given him a scarf for Christmas which he will not wear (so I've taken it) because it is acrylic and not Merino wool. I started to suggest some of my old scarves or looking for tattered-but-large gloves that might have somehow escaped the dumpster but he said he did not want look like a hillbilly.

Now he's out in the world, sleep deprived, with cold hands and throat, an his mood is not getting any better. Watch out world!

cold night

2012-01-03T08:18:00.004-05:00

reconnect or death

2012-01-01T14:53:00.005-05:00

As if these last two years have not been bad enough, there is a strong statement made when someone you were once close to dies weeks ago and none of your mutual friends bother to let you know about it. I just realized I am out of a group that I thought I was still a member of. Considering that I hardly participate in anything these days like I used to, I don't blame anyone. There is no doubt that I appear not to care or have gone my own way somewhere else. The truth is, I've gone nowhere, done nothing, been terribly lonely and bored on top of dealing with low self esteem issues from lack of work, play, and sex. The work thing, I have no control over but I am still working at it as best I can think of what to do. I need to pursue relationships with the people the people I hold dear more in earnest this year despite what goes on anywhere else.

I suppose this is my New Years Resolution: Stop moping. Make things happen with other human beings. Try to follow up on every thing.

I am open to more suggestions on what I could be missing. Perhaps someone else can see the things flying over my head.

leaking roof. wet bedroom.

2011-12-27T07:59:00.003-05:00

There's a new leak in our roof this morning. I had wanted to sleep in today but woke up as soon as I heard it starting around 5:30 a.m. this morning. Thankfully, it is over the foot of the bed and in an empty corner of the room and not over something more easily damaged by water. It seems to be traveling a line down one of the beams in the center of the room. I also found a small drip in a back corner. They put a new roof on last December. Last, some guys were walking on the roof, blowing off leaves and cleaning gutters. My guess is that something was stepped on and pushed through the membrane. MonsterMustDie has already fired off an email to our landlord.

Christmas 2011 at the Perry house

2011-12-25T15:20:00.004-05:00

Yesterday was mostly spent making a trip to Alabama to visit MonsterMustDie's mother. We left in the morning and visited with her at the Stephens house for a while before going to the traditional lunch at Cracker Barrel. MonsterMustDie had his standard choice of chicken & dumplings. His mother had the holiday special beef stew. I had the vegetable plate, which is by no means a vegetarian meal. There is enough ham in everything to amount to a full serving of meat.

By the time we got home in the early evening, I had an awful headache and my back and legs were worn out from sitting so long in the car. Friends in the neighborhood had invited us over for eats and drinks but he went without me while I drank lots of water and laid down in a dark soft place for a while. After loosening garments and relaxing for a while, I felt well enough to walk up the street to join everyone for what turned out to be a very nice visit and chat. It was just what I needed to do after the day's ordeal.

We exchanged gifts while watching Sunday Morning and had toast made with the Cuisinart toaster I gave MonsterMustDie for Xmas. It seems like not much of a gift but this is a man who loves toast, checks out toasters nearly every time we are shopping together, and has not had a toaster the entire time we have lived together. He did not like my old chrome toaster, which I left at the condo for tenants to use. Now, he finally has his own toaster.

It's raining all day today and I've already got cabin fever. Dying to get out and do something but there is nowhere for me to go and nobody to do anything with. Puttering around the office while MonsterMustDie watches Christmas Story and other animated movies.

Tonight, it's dinner with my family at my brother's house. Photos to come of his family's new English Bulldog.

Otis

The newest family member is Otis, Brenda and Andy's new English Bulldog pup.

Tomorrow, back to my job search and finishing a couple of small projects, probably after going by Binders or Sam Flax.

The problem with QR codes

2011-12-18T11:54:00.001-05:00

The Living Bridge

2011-12-11T12:48:00.004-05:00

An ongoing project, completed and maintained by several generations.

still searching

2011-12-07T15:07:00.002-05:00

Last weekend was fun because I had so much to do with good friends. I've also been given tips on my job hunt - all of which I've used or looked into. Fingers crossed.

I had a reasonably good interview this morning but still no job. They say that I should hear something by the end of the day tomorrow. The rest of today, however, is disappointing. It is raining and cold outside and I am stuck at home without gas or cash.

Several interviews I have gone to recently have turned around from my expectations of employment to the would-be employers asking me for business. The only thing everyone wants is a successful sales person. I am, quite unfortunately, not a salesman or a retailer.

So today I sit at home with no gas or cash. It's not so bad, but the weather today prevents me from doing anything outdoors and the job search has gone cold today. My friends are all working or stuck at home themselves today.

cold and damp

2011-11-29T15:41:00.003-05:00

Okay, the weather outside is cold and damp but it's pretty warm, dry, and comfortable at el Rancho de WereMonster. My biggest problem is I am feeling extremely poor today - too poor to buy art supplies or groceries to cook dinner with tonight. It's one of those days where there only person to talk to other than the clerk at the Post Office is my cat and, really, she has no news for me today. I made the rounds of emails to prospective employers and follow-up calls and notes. I read just a bit on Monster.com about the most common interview questions and how easily I can screw up any chance I have to work for a business with just the wrong choice of words and started putting myself to sleep at my desk. I also sent out prospective emails to other unemployed friends to get together for lunch during the week so maybe I will have more going on in the next few days. Companionship and conversation are good for the mind and soul in a lot of ways.

spending and not earning

2011-11-28T20:54:00.004-05:00

The only thing I did to day was spend $137 at the dentist office making sure there was nothing - no impending doom - wrong with my teeth. This seemed necessary after the toothache I had while traveling to Alabama with MonsterMustDie last Friday. The fact that it was on a long holiday weekend and I was traveling out of state added to my anxiety over it. All I could think of was what bad timing it could be if I were to have any medical emergency on a weekend in the next month. Got it checked. Turns out, there is nothing to worry about. Maybe the throbbing tooth during a large part of last Friday was from grinding in my sleep or popcorn or shifting caused by the cleaning I had the week before.

Made calls in to all the temp agencies and friends this morning. Everyone was still scrambling to catch up with the backlog from the holiday weekend and there was nothing for me yet. I'll probably call again tomorrow.

I found a couple of items for xmas gifts for my niece and nephew while shopping online.

I feel a need to be out and active tomorrow.

last warm day before colder weather

2011-11-26T13:25:00.002-05:00

The weatherman was saying that temperatures will begin to drop to highs in the 60's and below next week. It looks like we might finally be getting something like winter weather soon. With that in mind, I raked what leaves I had bags for off the sidewalk and driveway while it is still pleasantly warm and dry.

Tonight, I will be outdoors with friends at the Botanical Gardens. Should be a nice evening and not a moment too soon if night time temperatures will be dropping dramatically after tonight.

Post-Thankgiving Friday

2011-11-25T20:12:00.001-05:00

I don't do Black Friday sales I still ended up on the road most of today with the lot of shoppers.

Funny how some folks bear such a striking resemblance to each other that it makes you look twice. I saw someone who looked so much like a friend of mine today at the veterinary office when I took my cat in for her pedicure (clipping - not declawing) that I feel I must check in with them to see how they are doing. The person was an alternate universe rendition of someone I know down to the casual outfit that looked like he was out in his plaid pajamas and slippers taking a dog in early this morning.

Today was the trip to Pell City, Alabama to visit MonsterMustDie's mother, with stops at various antique malls on the way. He made one find that might pay for the gas there and back today. His mother was in good spirits and seemed well, despite the Alzheimer's disease that is slowly causing her disintegration. We went out to lunch, looked at old photos, and went over the relics in his mother's house including a childhood toy chimp, in great condition, dressed in a red jumper that was his as an infant.

Today, I have a worrisome sensitive tooth that I hope is nothing more than a bit of tenderness brought on possibly by grinding my teeth at night. I've got a call in to my dentist, just in case. Hoping it disappears by morning, especially because I am joining friends for a chick-night gathering for the Holiday Lights at the Botanical gardens.

Thanksgiving Holiday

2011-11-25T20:03:00.002-05:00

We spent Thanksgiving with Fun Lisa and the Hagley family in Suwannee, Georgia. As usual, it was a very good day filled with great food and lively discussion. The day ended with Lisa, myself, and her mom chatting around the table while MonsterMustDie and her dad discussed selling collectibles on eBay, antiques, and politics. Then, it was back home to watch Pirates, Monsters, and Wizards with Ellie cat on the sofa.

Thanksgiving Holiday

2011-11-21T18:12:00.003-05:00

Getting my Thanksgiving Holiday together.
Thursday = a Hagley Thanksgiving
Friday - Holiday in Pell City, Alabama
Saturday = chick night with good friends at the Botanical Gardens Holiday Lights
Sunday = will my brother have a post Thanksgiving gathering for the Perry Family? Stay tuned.

Next - prepping the house and pantry for our annual Winter Solstice Party, one of my favorite events of the year.

jobs

2011-11-21T17:04:00.004-05:00

I have been getting on average one interview every 10 days. I am still looking for anything I can do at any pay available.

I get very little sympathy around here.

Someone suggested I look for a job at Slanket, Tempur-Pedic, or Lazy Boy.
Well, Lazy Boy has not even sent me a response to my resume and cover letter. Slanket and Tempur-Pedic immediately told me they are not hiring.

Begin forwarded message:

From: Jeff
Date: November 8, 2011 5:52:06 PM EST
Subject: Re: Slanket Contact Us Form

Thanks. Sorry but we aren't hiring right now.

Jeff

On 11/8/2011 3:42 PM, jules@mindspring.com wrote:
I am looking for any job.

On Nov 8, 2011, at 2:43 PM, Jeff wrote:

Hi Jules-

Thanks for your email. Unfortunately we are not hiring anyone at this time.

Thanks

Jeff

On 11/8/2011 12:14 PM:
I am always interested in adding to my skill set and working in new areas. I have some retail experience from working in a camera shop & studio and gift shops when I was in college. I am willing to do anything.
I am a graphic artist building on 20 years experience in both traditional and digital production and have worked in every aspect of print media short of running a press.

Begin forwarded message:

From: TempurCareers
Date: November 8, 2011 11:05:34 AM EST
Subject: Resume Receipt

Thank you for your interest in Tempur-Pedic International! We received your resume and will evaluate it for openings that match your qualifications. Your resume will be kept active for six months, during which time it will be reviewed against available positions. Unfortunately, we cannot respond individually to all inquiries. Individuals selected for interviews will be contacted by telephone or email. We appreciate your interest in Tempur-Pedic and wish you the best of luck in your job search.

www.tempurpedic.com/careers

eye delicate flower

2011-11-13T08:16:00.015-05:00

Friday evening, I met up with some of the Grateful Gluttons to test the floating lotus lights for the lantern parade the next night. I had to get some guidance from Joy on how to find the Old Fourth Ward Park. It not exactly on any maps yet. The giant lotus blossom torches that Chantelle made are beautiful. It took some figuring out how to best get them into and out of the water but it was all done quickly and safely with lines, weights, and tossing rocks.

Afterwards, we went to the Euclid Avenue Yacht Club to hang out for a bit. Got to witness the chase that ensued after someone's iPhone was snatched at the bar. The phone snatching had become a very regular thing in Little Five Points. Guys will walk up and grab it out of your hands and run off. It was one of the first very cold nights of the season and the EAYC was especially smokey. I made it home, checked email, and had a little cup of hot sake before calling it a night.

Saturday morning, I woke up with a headache and itchy eyes. My eyes were red and felt like there was a foreign object in them all morning. I put in eyedrops, showered, and got on with what was going to be an easy day but by the afternoon, I had what looked like a large blister in the white of my left eye. I have never had anything like that before. I found the business card of the doctor I was referred to when I was at an Urgent Care clinic months ago and went in to have my eyes looked at. The doctor said it was most likely an allergic reaction. He said my eyes are extremely irritated and inflamed. Then he prescribed two types of drops to use several times during the day for a week. I guess my smoke sensitivity went from bad to awful.
No more nights at the EAYC for me.

Then, as if the medical visit had not sucked up enough unexpected time out of my day, I spent the next two hours going from pharmacy to pharmacy to find the medicated eye drops he prescribed before asking a pharmacist to phone the office and see if another medication would do. They changed the prescription over the phone to something in stock there and I put in my first dose before heading out immediately, at that point, to the lantern parade site in the Old Fourth Ward park. I still managed to arrive before the parade started. The lotus lanterns were already in the water. Photographed the parade. Met up with Kim & Harris and Bridget & Nelson. Said hello to Mr Epsten, who was playing violin in the Opa Orcherstra. Then I did what I could to help with breakdown and clean up before heading over to Chez Ayer for Cam & Joy's home-made chili, chicken soup from Thomas, sweet cornbread with honey butter and other healing comfort foods. My headache finally began to lessen as I was eating hot chili. I stayed until everyone went outside to hang out by the fire - I did not want to be around smoke again this week. Joy sent a large container of chili home with me. I don't see them as much as I'd like to.

Lantern-Parade_65, a photo by weremonkey on Flickr.

Lantern Parade at Old Fourth Ward Park

Lantern-Parade_09, a photo by weremonkey on Flickr.

Lantern-Parade_46, a photo by weremonkey on Flickr.

Lantern-Parade_65, a photo by weremonkey on Flickr.

Lantern Parade at Old Fourth Ward Park

no sympathy. no prisoners.

2011-11-07T11:18:00.004-05:00

So many people, including myself, have been without steady work for too long - years, even. I've tried to get minimum wage jobs too and guess what - they will not even talk to me because I'm over qualified.
Yet, this is the message the keeps being repeated by EVERYONE I know under 45 years old. We might as well just shoot ourselves in the head and get it over with. Over 50 years old? Your expiration date is up.

Status Update
Dear Occupy Atlanta,
Your original intentions may have been all well and good in the beginning. Plus I know that jobs are scarce and things are tough. But the rest of us are a little busy working, paying off bills/loans while you guys play hide and seek, tag, and go camping in areas that are paid for with our tax dollars. Crying and whining for someone to pay your bills and give you a job pitching a fit for what you want hasn't worked since kindergarten. When you get dragged of in handcuffs, you resemble a toddler having a fit in a toy store.
Grow up. Work your ass off like the rest of us. And get off my lawn.

Kiera and Abraham’s wedding

2011-11-05T18:10:00.009-04:00

My youngest first cousin, Kiera, married her sweetheart Abraham at Le Bam in Midtown. Le Bam is a magic space created by Whimble art studio. The Whimbles left years ago but the space still has plenty of magic and fairies. They wanted a romantic wedding in a space where they could dance. Next, its off to Peru for the BIG ceremony at his father's church where they intend to spend their lives together.

looking for signs of life

2011-11-03T08:51:00.005-04:00

Wednesday was a near total loss. I got one email with changes on a freelance job that took me an hour a that I am only making $25 on. I could not get motivated to shower or dress until I sent the last email at 5p.m., when I looked at the time and realized that I had missed going to the post office before closing.

The bright spot of the day was dinner in good company with the GilliMonster and Kisa_Bastet at Moshe in Dunwoody. The food was good. The service, not so much, but there were only two guys working - one waiting tables and one in the kitchen. I had to send my first glass of wine back because it was apparently already half way to being vinegar but he apologized and opened a new bottle for a fresh pour, which was good. The girls liked their salad sampler plates and fresh pita bread. I had the mediterranean tilapia, which was zingy with lots of lemon, capers, and garlic.

I went for a walk around the neighborhood when I first arrived home but didn't sleep well after eating so late with little activity afterwards. It was a fitful night that I kept getting up, but didn't have much to do that would not wake up a sleeping room mate. So I'd get up, have a glass of water, decide not to turn on the computer, and go back to bed for another hour.

Tonight's plan is dinner out with friends again and now I am thinking I need to find something to do afterwards. Pondering what possibilities there might be after 9p.m.

departures

2011-11-02T17:02:00.001-04:00

Long day yesterday helping with the memorial for a friend's brother. The reception was at here house. While the family was at services, her husband and I made several stops for money, groceries, drinks, ice, etc. etc. We had the house set up just in time for family and friends to start arriving. A death can sometimes have a very surreal effect on the psyche. Reality is changed in a way that is too fast to fathom when someone is suddenly gone without warning. One day they're here with you, the next they don't exist any more and there is the strange silence or void for a moment where someone once stood.

I suppose in a certain way we are all ghosts wondering around here.

Happy Halloween

2011-10-31T20:53:00.001-04:00

Just had what I think were our last Trick or Treaters of the night - a car full of teenagers. All of them were in costumes, which was very cool, and had pillow cases for bags - and they all complimented our decorated yard & house and were VERY appreciated of Candy Corn (which they said no one has any more). Yes, we go that extra step.

Halloween House, a photo by weremonkey on Flickr.

Halloween

2011-10-31T17:28:00.005-04:00

Enjoying Trick or Treaters at Rancho de WereMonster tonight. All of my earthworms and eyes are nearly gone. There is still one severed finger left.

Yesterday's Pumpkin Carving Party was a big success. We were a bit less organized than previous years as MonsterMustDie was still moving things off the back porch when people were arriving. I got the last of the outdoor lights up as our first guest arrived. Great fun. Cool Jack o' Lanterns made by my favorite people. Lots of food. Lots of spirits. We did have to make a grocery store run for basic things like sodas and ice. Kisa Bastet helped out by volunteering to bring back some pop so I did not have to leave the party.

finished Jack o' Lanterns, a photo by weremonkey on Flickr.

"Cookie Monster" Offers Best Explanation Yet for Occupy Wall Street

2011-10-24T10:24:00.002-04:00

Someone called Cookie Monster has written a clear and persuasive explanation for the Occupy movement.

Yes, there always going to be rich and poor. But we used to live in country where rich owned factory and make 30 times what factory worker make. Now we live in country where rich make money by lying about value of derivative bonds and make 3000 times what factory worker would make if factories hadn't all moved to China.

Capitalism great system. We won Cold War because people behind Iron Curtain look over wall, and see how much more plentiful and delicious cookies are in West, and how we have choice of different bakeries, not just state-owned one. It great system. It got us out of Depression, won WWII, built middle class, built country's infrastructure from highways to Hoover Dam to Oreo factory to electrifying rural South. It system that reward hard work and fair play, and everyone do fair share and everyone benefit. Rich get richer, poor get richer, everyone happy. It great system.

Then after Reagan, Republicans decide to make number one priority destroying that system. Now we have system where richest Americans ones who find ways to game system -- your friends on Wall Street -- and poorest Americans ones who thought working hard would get them American dream, when in fact it get them pink slip when job outsourced to 10-year-old in Mumbai slum. And corporations have more influence over government than people (or monsters).

It not about rich people having more money. It about how they got money. It about how they take opportunity away from rest of us, for sake of having more money. It how they willing to take risks that destroy economy -- knowing full well that what could and would happen -- putting millions out of work, while creating nothing of value, and all the while crowing that they John Galt, creating wealth for everyone.

That what the soul-searching about. When Liberals run country for 30 years following New Deal, American economy double in size, and wages double along with it. That fair. When Conservatives run country for 30 years following Reagan, American economy double again, and wages stay flat. What happen to our share of money? All of it go to richest 1%. That not "there always going to be rich people". That unfair system. That why we upset. That what Occupy Sesame Street about.

Fun at Netherworld.

2011-10-20T21:49:00.001-04:00

colder

2011-10-20T03:44:00.000-04:00

Yikes! The forecast has changed. Instead of getting warmer on Thursday, the predicted high is even colder than yesterday. Now it's supposed to be all of 60 degrees.

This might mean turning on the heat for the first time this year. I will try to be strong and resist.

first cold day of the year

2011-10-19T22:17:00.005-04:00

Yesterday's rain came with a lot of cold air. This was, indeed, the first day that I've walked outside and felt truly cold. I think the forecast was for 64 degrees and that, apparently, is what it takes to give me a chill that is beyond skin deep. The temperatures are supposed to climb higher for the rest of the week, which is predicted to be sunny. It really felt like summer has left for this year with leaves falling under overcast wet skies.

Today, as usual, was unbearably quiet bit I did meet with friends tonight for dinner at a new Persian restaurant on Roswell Road that I had not gone to before. Having learned my lesson from last night, I ordered an appetizer with nothing more than water to drink and had more than enough to eat without completely draining my wallet. I should know it is always worth the cost of dinner and hanging out to be with friends, chatting and listening and learning new things. Dinner has been the high point of every day this week.

My Birthday

2011-10-17T23:22:00.001-04:00

Went out to eat with pitbullpotpie, Brandon, Roy, and MonsterMustDie at La Tavola Trattoria. Good food and even better company. Of course, there were some very generous gifts from Gillian that I will be able to use at the Pumpkin Carving Party.

Bagged cat

2011-10-16T17:25:00.001-04:00

eats, hot sauce, spooky movies, coyote

2011-10-16T01:29:00.003-04:00

We just got back from what turned out to be a good evening with another couple in the neighborhood. Dinner ended up being at the new HD2 (Hot Dog) restaurant near the theatre after we got rock star parking at a meter space beside the theatre.

Once in the theatre, I bought a print signed by the illustrator of the Silver Scream Spook Show posters. Also got to sample the new Green Goo hot sauce they were selling for $10 a bottle. Actually, quite tasty- hot but not too much with plenty of garlic and basil in it.

Saw Bridget and Nelson leaving at the same time we were making our way out and got into a brief conversation on wild mushroom gathering and where to learn how to identify the edible vs. non-edible kinds.

Spotted a coyote in a front yard a couple of blocks from home.

The longest weekend

2011-10-15T17:38:00.007-04:00

All of my weekend plans seem sabotaged. One by one, every thing I want to do is being changed or cancelled altogether. I have been looking forward to having as many group activities with friends as possible, after a long empty week by myself.

Last night, I skipped the Vampire Ball at the Shelter, one of the few events I try to make it to there.

When I make plans with friends, the housemate doesn't like the travel involved and does not want to be left out because it's my birthday weekend. He wants to spend this special weekend with me, even at the cost of me having anything that might contribute to my emotional well being. The plans for a friend's party out of town tonight are cancelled. The movie I wanted to see, he at first said absolutely not. So, I suggested dinner out with some neighbors, if we could find anyone to eat out with. The only couple that took us up to it have plans to to the same movie tonight. He has since changed his decision on the movie and, in order to have dinner companions, will to Silver Scream with us tonight after making sure I am aware how much he will not enjoy it because it is one of the worst movies Vincent Price ever made, in his opinion.

Tomorrow afternoon, I am having brunch with my mother. By myself. He will not be joining us so he can work on his eBay auctions, even though he knows I depend on him to go with me to spend time with her. So now it'll just be me and my mother spending quality time together with me trying not to say anything, with no way to be invisible.

Tomorrow night is the season premier of Walking Dead, which I'd like to spend at a gathering for a friend who is getting his Andy Wahol 15 minutes + on this episode. I dread to see what comes of those plans next.

with the festival season starting and friends near

2011-10-14T17:55:00.001-04:00

why do I still feel so incredibly lonely?

monday morning

2011-10-10T08:20:00.003-04:00

So, last night I dreamed of Steve Jobs and Doctor Who, among other things.
Dreamed there had been a children's television show in the past that featured Steve Jobs and his family.
Dreamed of old photographs discovered in notebooks containing poems, negatives, slides, and letters.

Thoughts:
Believing banks will not loan you more than you can pay back and that all things are priced fairly is as bad as believing that the FDA would not let companies sell anything that is unhealthy for you.

Weighing on my mind:
Figuring out how to afford health insurance for myself.
Getting the landlord to send someone to the house to take care of the ant nest in the roof over the main bathroom and cldeaning the roof and gutters on the house and shed.

remembering Steve Jobs

2011-10-06T14:17:00.001-04:00

Steve Jobs is dead

2011-10-05T20:14:00.001-04:00

We've lost a great man.

R.I.P. Steve.

Thanks for everything.

Good morning, October.

2011-10-01T13:02:00.000-04:00

Last night, I had to get up and make MonsterMustDie go back to bed. He was high from the pain killers, itchy and speaking in a strange voice similar to a 5-year-old. I told him that he needed to be in bed on the same level as the bathrooms and that I would sleep in the sofa if necessary. I did not want him slamming into walls or falling down stairs. I got him back in bed and he slept through the rest of the night.

He is very sore in the jaw today but he's looking much better. There is still little or no swelling in his face, which is a very lucky thing. He felt good enough to go out treasure hunting this morning and brought back a few cool things - vintage miniature power tool toys that are just like tiny versions of the big boy tools and a groovy Tiki ceramic bowl manufactured for Trader Vic's that has a soft triangular shape held up by three standing figures similar to the salt & pepper shakers.

Now he's back down on the sofa for a day of Gamera movies.

It's good to keep things that still work.

2011-09-30T18:35:00.000-04:00

MonsterMustDie is awake now and relaxing on the couch downstairs, watching movies. We brought the old DVD player up from downstairs and are using it again. I'll bet he's glad now I would not throw it out when he bought the new Blu-ray DVD/CD player. Next: maybe we'll bring up the old 5-CD music player from downstairs too.

quiet recovery

2011-09-30T14:39:00.002-04:00

bored. bored. bored.
Trying to be quiet at home while waiting until time to give the old Dutch man a pain pill.

Hungry, too. I don't want to cook and fill the house with food smells while someone is here that is not supposed to have have solid food for a couple of days. Can someone please bring me sushi or pizza?

I took MonsterMustDie in this morning for what turned out to be the extraction of two teeth. The wisdom tooth he had put off dealing with for so long had ruined the tooth next to it as well. The oral surgeon told me that he might not miss the missing molar and so he might not need to ever worry about replacing it. The wisdom tooth was sideways and set deep into the bone of the jaw but I was told the surgery went quite well.

The Blu Ray DVD CD player is Borked

2011-09-20T19:55:00.003-04:00

Just got the doubly expensive DVD/CD player back from the repair service in FL and guess what: it does not work. I would greatly appreciate any geeks out there who would volunteer to come to Rancho de WereMonster to determine if this is a case of operator error on our part. I'm not even going to tell you how much we paid for the device and the repair. There would certainly be a free dinner for any one who can help.

Why didn't we just buy a new DVD player? We determined that the repair cost less than a new player of the same quality and would not throw more stuff into a landfill somewhere. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Now, we can only hope that the authorized repair center will stand by their work and take the player back again and/or refund the money spend to repair it.

What this means in the long run: No more movie nights for a long time. Maybe this will be incentive to curtail our spending on DVDs for a while too.

Brunch with Friends

2011-09-18T17:48:00.001-04:00

Showing off my souvenir from last night's Krewe party.

On board with the Krewe again

2011-09-18T09:46:00.003-04:00

Last night was the grand Grateful Gluttons Krewe member induction, potluck, and Murder Game party. I call it a great success. I was at Chez Ayer till 1:11 a.m. feeling the love of friends and inspiration of being around many vital creative people. Captain Chantelle has announced this year's theme and now things are on "Go!" until Halloween.

nice try

2011-09-17T13:18:00.006-04:00

I went to see a blues band at a bar in Roswell last night. The bar was so many almost-things and nothing. They did have a nice, small, stage centered at the back of the room. They had a good array of lights but only a couple were on and no one was running them. They had a partial PA. The band was unpaid, except for tip/donation money collected at the door by the son of one of the musicians. (Thanks for helping your dad out!) Even sadder, when the singer onstage mentioned his soft drink was empty, no one moved to refill his cup. I don't think I've ever seen so much apathy from a bar staff. He finally asked a friend of his in the audience to fetch him another drink. This was on a Friday night.

They called themselves a pub but only served typical nasty fried prepackaged foods you might see in dive bars. Several of the sparse people there looked at the menu - myself included - with the hopes of finding something to eat and ordered nothing. It was that bad. Also, as a graphic designer, I have to say it was one of the ugliest menus I've ever seen, probably produced at a next-door copy center. Bad photos of boring food that would have sold much better if you did not see what you might get. Poor layout and bad typesetting on a single thinly laminated sheet. It would have been okay for an IHOP or WaffleHouse but not a Pub, like the name stated, in a middle-class suburb.

Seems they also wanted to be a Sports Bar as well, from the big screen behind the stage that was never entirely off. The large No Signal message onscreen while the musicians played. The football game played between sets.

Things were going badly for the home team.

Chicken advocate forced to give up fowl | ajc.com

2011-09-16T07:25:00.000-04:00

Chicken advocate forced to give up fowl | ajc.com

Really, Cobb County! What's wrong with a few yard birds?

some progress today

2011-09-14T14:59:00.003-04:00

I have another interview on Thursday in Conyers. It's another friend of a friend reference. The last lead did not amount to much - at least not yet.

MonsterMustDie had an appointment for a consultation with an oral surgeon this morning. Pain will make someone take a lot more interest in maintaining their health. I am looking forward to seeing his latest health issues dealt with.

I sent out the invitations this morning to one of the two annual parties we host here at Rancho de WereMonster. I am probably going to post the other one this week as well even though it is far in advance, just so the day is not lost to another scheduling conflict. Then I can just let other seasonal social events fall where they will without stressing over things too much.

Another large tree branch fell into our back yard this afternoon. I heard the crack and looked out the back window to see it drop. Now we need someone with a chainsaw to remove it for us.

The Toothache

2011-09-11T11:21:00.005-04:00

My housemate, who should know better (since his stroke) to put off seeing a doctor, has his toothache back this morning.

This is an ongoing problem he has put off for months. He knows he needs an extraction but he hasn't been in any hurry to have it done because: 1. He actually has several things lined up that he has put off too long while he did not have dental insurance for years like the root canal he just went through. 2. He does not seem to fully realize how much worse things can get when dental work is put off (like taking one bad tooth ruining the teeth on either side of it). 3. Although he has some money in the bank and (better still) a credit card, he thinks the insurance deductible is too high.

This makes me furious because: 1. I worry about how far he takes his health issues every time. 2. I am the one with the burden of caring for him WHEN he puts it off too long.

Driving, Searching

2011-09-11T10:51:00.006-04:00

Interesting day on Thursday. Fortunately, their business is close to home. Went to the 9:00 AM job interview, finally, and nothing was ready for me when I got there. Everyone seemed too frantic at the office to deal with setting things up, so I took a few files home to work on, with the intention of bringing some samples back on Friday. Then, I headed out to lunch with Clark and Beth in Snellville. We had a few hours of very good conversation at their home filled with music, art, and a long-haired daschund named Joey - for Joey Ramone.

It was time to go when I got a desperate phone call from one of my neighbors. Her mother, who was house and baby sitting, had locked herself outside the house with their toddler. Their only extra key was at Rancho de Weremonster and the locksmith said it would be at least 2.5 hours before he could get to their place to let her mother in. So, for reasons of time and money, I needed to get the key to her. Problem was, the key was actually not at the house but in MonsterMustDie's car and he was busy with a corporate function all day and into the evening, so I had to drive downtown first to fetch the house key ASAP before coming home to give it to her mother. Drove down. Met MMD on the sidewalk outside and got the key. Drove home. Got mother and baby inside the house.

Then I discovered I had left my camera in Snellville.

Drove back to Beth and Clark's house to retrieve my camera. Finally got home again just before 9PM. Phoned my connection at the company I'd been at in the morning and we both agreed it would be better to try to get together Monday some time.

at tense lull

2011-09-07T20:50:00.004-04:00

Some days, I think my brain is turning to mush.

The interview this afternoon has been put off by the client until tomorrow morning so I can sleep on that all night now. I hope to spend tomorrow afternoon having lunch with friends in Snellville - an hour away from the location of the interview. My housemate will be going out to dinner with coworkers and visiting business associates, so I will have the entire day and evening to myself.

The lunch and interview will be tight but I have been assured the interview will not take long at all. I think there is just enough gap in time between everything I want to do. I have been dying for company and activity this week.

Friday night is the Castleberry Hill Art Stroll, which includes an art opening for Anne Cox and an iron pour at the Elliott Street Pub. It would be nice to get a scratch mold to pour if I have time between now and then.

cooling

2011-09-06T21:44:00.002-04:00

After the rain yesterday, temperatures are a lot cooler today. Clouds are hanging overhead but it has stayed dry here all day. Everything feels cleaner, fresher, healthier outdoors.

The thumb is nearly healed now. I'm keeping a bandage on it and I am still on antibiotics but it just looks like it was badly blistered now from the dead skin that's left.

It was a sadly quiet holiday weekend for me. It was good to see Dr. Palmer and hangout with him for a while on Saturday. We did lunch at Six Feet Under, where he could enjoy seafood and sweet iced tea - two things in short supply in Wisconsin. I hope H. can make it to Atlanta with him next time he might travel here. We talked about MCP and politics, the economy, and how everyone's methods of dance are changing as they get older. Better to go for a few things of good quality rather than diving into (often painful) excess.

This first tease of Autumn has me looking forward to holiday festivals, better clothing and the joy of cooking when it is cool again.

Try to remain calm.

2011-09-06T17:22:00.002-04:00

In good news, a friend emailed me today and I have an interview on Wednesday for some part time or freelance work at his company.
While I certainly appreciate his thinking of me for the work, I now start to have anxiety attacks at the thought of interviewing. Seems like when I get a job offer, that's my first reaction. I'm trying to remain calm. The interview is late in the day so I have all of tomorrow to worry about it.

anxious spirits

2011-09-01T20:27:00.004-04:00

I'm feeling an inexplicable amount of stress this evening. Tomorrow should be a fun, busy day but I am very anxious about biting off more than I can chew or stepping into things that are not my forte, as if I have no right to do so. Can't quite put my finger on why I feel this way.

Also feeling like I can't do anything without f**king up. The housemate is not helping things, as he is on a heightened state of anxiety himself both from work and from someone on ebay who appears to be trying to scam him out of merchandise and money. He does not realize how irritating his behavior is tonight. So, we're like fire and gasoline tonight.

This would be a good time to drink if it weren't for the medications I'm on.

Must chill out tonight.

Speaking of medications, the thumb looks better today. Still hurts and is a bit discolored and swollen, but not so much now. I might just be on the mend.

Dog Days

2011-08-30T08:27:00.002-04:00

We are truly in the Dog Days of Summer.

"Dog Days" (Latin: diēs caniculārēs) are the hottest, most sultry days of summer in late August. Dog Days can also define a time period or event that is very hot or stagnant, or marked by dull lack of progress. The name comes from the ancient belief that Sirius, also called the Dog Star, in close proximity to the sun was responsible for the hot weather.

Dog Days were popularly believed to be an evil time "when the seas boiled, wine turned sour, Quinto raged in anger, dogs grew mad, and all creatures became languid, causing to man burning fevers, hysterics, and phrensies" according to Brady’s Clavis Calendarium, 1813.

I remember my mother and grandmother describing it as a time when wounds heal slowly, among other things.

Good and Bad

2011-08-29T20:11:00.004-04:00

The Good News:

Halloween stuff is starting to show up in stores this week.

The Bad News:

I am still unemployed and no one outside of the print industry is taking me seriously because my resume is too focused in that one industry.

More Bad News:

I have a staph infection in my thumb since last Wednesday that has me making visits to the clinic on an almost daily basis. I've already had to have the thumb lanced twice and I start on a second round of a new antibiotic today. The first antibiotic they gave me caused incredible headaches.

The Good News:

Percoset works quite well and allows me to sleep easily.

hotter

2011-08-03T11:34:00.000-04:00

The temperature is supposed to reach 100 degrees today.

watching the vacationers

2011-07-30T18:13:00.001-04:00

Quiet weekend. Everyone is out of town or busy with people visiting from other places this week. We are home with no plans other than working on the various projects we have put off for weeks. Very hot and steamy today between a blistering sun and spotty storms. My glasses fog up the moment I walk outside. Made it to a couple of groceries to stock up on snacks for the week ahead. Tomorrow should be more of the same type of weather with a high of 94 predicted with more occassional thunder storms.

The platter of fresh pears I have in the kitchen is half its size now after I've eaten and shared them at work all week. I should have made a photo of the original arrangement I made with them. I hope I am able to bring home more of them next weekend. They are quiet good, hard and crisp and sweet.

busy again

2011-07-14T19:28:00.004-04:00

The last two weeks have been spent working again at the same company I was at last month. I could not be happier. The company is vital and the co-workers are splendid. I am crossing my fingers and toes that this work keeps up for me. Tonight will be a bit of a push because it is Harry Potter Night at Rancho de WereMonster and tickets were purchased serveral weeks ago... before I rejoined the workforce. I had hoped I would be able to get a nap in before going to the midnight movie with friends but I am too wired from a long work day. I will just have to take my vitamins tonight and tomorrow and hope for the best performance on my part. My brain has to be on for what I do for a living so it's hard to muscle through if there is a sleep deprivation issue. Then again, if memory serves me right, the need to make up sleep never hits the first day. It is always 48 hours later when I feel like I haven't had enough rest and those days will be over the (hopefully) very relaxed weekend.

not much of a Monday

2011-06-13T22:41:00.002-04:00

I slept in a bit later than usual this morning. I still get up with the sun regardless of how little or how much sleep I've had. The morning was spent just kinda puttering around the house before going to work at the revenant job for a very short while. The air conditioning has not been working there since Thursday and it was still not functioning today. I worked in a hot office in the cooler, front half of the building as long as I could stand it, all the while wondering how hot it has to be before the computers start dying. I think the machines are a lot tougher and less vulnerable to high temperatures than people think they are. I finished everything I could work on without more information or approvals and came home to lie on the floor in air conditioning.

Dinner was noodles and paste.

All of the electronics here have been flowing in and out of functioning today. The CD and DVD player keeps stalling and then refusing to see the disk in it. The internet connection keeps going down repeatedly. The only way I've found to fix either problem is to shut everything down and reboot by not only turning the devices off, but their respective power strips as well for a minute before starting things up again. I would almost suppost the router is dying but that does not explain the dysfunction with the TV and DVD player today - both music CDs and Blu-Ray DVDs repeatedly refuse to play or be ejected.

Tomorrow afternoon, the plan is to hang out with Kisa Bastet and look at kitties. Probably working on photo editing and website ideas as well. And, of course, getting back to the task of going back to school for a new, higher degree in for a larger set of skills and a piece of paper that looks better on my resume. Working toward a new Bachelors or Masters degree will be a very slow process since I don't really have the money for more than one or two classes at a time and I doubt I qualify for any sort of public funds - but, at least, I will doing something new.

48 Hour Film - done

2011-06-12T19:31:00.002-04:00

I was lucky to be a contributor and support member on a 48 Hour Film crew again this year. I am very thankful to the Bontrager brothers for including me on their team. Our project screens on Friday, June 17 at the Plaza Theater.

full

2011-06-07T23:56:00.004-04:00

I was thinking how nice it would be to grill out on the weekend this summer at el Rancho and I realize that probably will not happen because there is no place to grill or entertain here now. The house and the back porch and shed are completely full of vintage toys, antiques in need of repair, and other projects and doodads John has moved here from Alabama or recently purchased. There is no space to do anything here and I doubt that will change any time soon.

Lately, he's been going a bit crazy buying things on top of things that he plans to sell, repair, etc. This includes things to put in my office - some things I was planning to buy eventually for myself and some things I did not ask for or think I needed because I have other things already - which is throwing my life in disarray at the moment as well. I have been trying to wrap my head around reconfiguring my office for new furniture while having absolutely no idea were we will put what I have already. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed tonight and a bit paranoid about his recent spending. My old clunky computer desk that I had from my condo and the large glass table that he got me to buy at IKEA just a couple of years ago are now going to be replaced buy an industrial cart and two smaller metal tables/desks that he bought at CB2. The plan is to put the desks together for an L shaped work space that will suit the room better. The office furniture and tools he bought for me are designed to set me up as a freelance business of some sort.

We'll see how things work out in a month or two.

hot Sunday

2011-06-06T09:12:00.004-04:00

I have spent most of the weekend trying to avoid heat and sun. At least I avoided the sun. Mostly.
Friday evening at dusk, I made a few photos of a local parking lot carnival on Buford Highway. I especially liked the cotton candy booth name "Sugar Shack". A few families braved the heat to bring their children to ride the Farris Wheel, Merry-Go-Round, and other flying, whirling rides.

Saturday, MonsterMustDie was in Alabama visiting his mother and treasure hunting. I got an unexpected call from Sandy, who was in my neighborhood for a morning yoga and potluck social for her equestrian group. She phoned on her way there, late, while I was entrenched in sorting the photos from Friday - not soon enough for me to tear myself away from the computer in time for the yoga class that was ten minutes away but I did make it up to socialize with everyone at the post-yoga potluck lunch. I got to hear a lot about their plans to ride in a side-saddle group for the Independence Day parade in Marietta (period costumes in July 4th heat. Yikes!) and see a lot of cellphone photos of horses (the modern day equivalent of wallet photos). Rather than an unfurling flap of 2x3 pictures of children or grandchildren from wallets, everyone was sharing photos of their horses, dogs, and cats. After the horsey group event was over, Sandy and I spent the rest of the day hanging out together - first at Rancho de WereMonster. Then we had an intermission for showers, post office boxes, etc. and I joined her at the Grassy Knoll for shopping, hanging out with furry beasts, dinner from Delia's, and TV watching until I realized what time it was and went home. I could not count on them to kick me out that day.

Sunday was a meeting and brainstorming session for the upcoming 48 Hour Film contest next week. Over a home made taco dinner, we discussed the various loose story lines and screen plays and necessary props, locations, and people for each one. We need to scramble this week to have as many resources lined up as possible starting on Friday. Where and how does one secure a location for a battle scene without causing trouble? Who do we know with specific skills, who would have time and be willing to join in on the projects? What is the best way to quickly assemble unusual objects? Always a fun, insane challenge.

Busy (at last)

2011-05-27T20:00:00.004-04:00

The last two weeks have been blissfully busy. I went on a trip to Tulsa, to visit with Spike, Namek and Nate while making photos and talking about the new project Spike is working on with his son-in-law David. It was great to see everyone. Tulsa is a smaller city, it seems, with a much more depressed economy than Atlanta but it was very nice at the house everyone had converged at for the weekend. There was the dog vs skunk incident, in which everyone lost, on my last night there. The four dogs were roaming unleashed in the field at the end of the afternoon walk, when they saw a skunk and took off after it before anyone could stop them. Casualties were inevitable. One deceased skunk. One seriously injured dog that had to be taken to a veterinary clinic. The three other large dogs to bath twice. One sleepless night. Once I was home again, I could not wait to wash skunky laundry.

Sunday was a day of extruded meat products and heat. We went to Tunes From The Tombs at Oakland Cemetery to see friends play and lunch was Pallookaville corn dogs. We also had the pleasure of seeing Kurt, who was there from Athens, GA for the festival. Good music but punishingly hot. There were tents over the musicians but not place to hide from the sun for those attending except for a few trees. Sunday was one of the hottest days this far into summer, so I got a bit over-heated and dehydrated there. We chilled out with Sandy and the furry creatures at The Grassy Knoll for a couple of hours. On our way home, based on Chaz and Sandra's recommendation, we picked up dinner to go at Delia's Chicken Sausage stand. What we had was good, but they neglected to include any of their cheese sauce with the potato wedges (with cheese sauce included) that we ordered. This was a sadness because the beer-cheese sauce was one of the reasons we wanted to try Delia's food.

Once home this week, I got a great freelance gig for the week in midtown at a place I love. Wish me luck. They kept me on board all week. I go back on Tuesday. I had to check in at the revenant job only one night last week for a few hours. This new job is desperately needed and tremendously appreciated. Now, I just have to learn their corporate procedures and culture.

anticipation

2011-05-18T10:05:00.001-04:00

One day til I depart to the southwest. It is still unusually cool this week so I thought it might be a bit of shock in much warmer temperatures in Tulsa but the weather there looks about the same as Atlanta for the weekend temperatures. I am also trying to figure out how little I can bring with me to make the trip as easy as possible. No tripod. No lights. Just a few clothes and my camera is all I am planning to bring so that everything can fit in a carry-on bag. I need a better shoulder bag too. My purse is small - not very useful for a trip. Kisa_Bastet is taking me to the airport on Thursday morning.

I am spending the morning following up possible work leads and trying to establish new connections. I am also trying to remember to drink more water and hoping that I do not have a UTI while I am away from home. I have started having hot flashes and night sweats that wake me up, lying in wet sheets so I have to lie on top of covers until I start freezing from the sweat evaporating. Then I go back under the sheets until I wake up sweating again. I am getting better at just sleeping through it but last night I kept waking up worrying about work and money. I have no unemployment benefits and no health insurance and an emptying bank account. I still have rent and bills to pay.

I am hopeful that this trip will do me a world of good just to be busy. My hands seem tied here and I feel like a caged beast in an empty cell. This is mostly a symptom of the lack of activity.

visitations

2011-05-17T18:11:00.004-04:00

I am finally considering what to pack for my brief trip to Tulsa this week to visit Spike and Namek and Nate. We'll be talking about Spike and his son-in-law's latest project and how I might be involved in it, from photography to website design, to just giving my opinion. I'm a bit anxious about how useful I will be but I am also looking forward to visiting old friends. This will also be my first visit to Tulsa, so I can add that city to the list of places I've been to in the United States afterwards.

I made the mistake of telling my mother about the visit beforehand. The first thing that sprang to her mind and out of her lips was that I will be in tornado country. I will guess that chances are quite small that I will be there in the path of a tornado while I'm there but I know my mother will be worried about that during my entire visit.

And this is a photo of Spike from his visit to Atlanta last March.

Thor!

2011-05-11T19:55:00.000-04:00

MonsterMustDie and I went with FunLisa to see Thor last night. I will not say Thor was the best movie ever made but it was good. Parts were quite predictable, but the art direction was very good and, visually, it went very deep into me. I dreamed of settings like those in the movie all night.

There is no work tomorrow, so I plan to sleep late and do website tweeking and reworking in the afternoon.

Meanwhile, it is hot tonight, I am sweating, and my vodka tonic is broken.

UPDATE:

My mother phoned to 1. postpone our already-belated Mother's Day + Monster Birthday dinner til next week (which means I'll miss Tunes From The Tombs at Oakland - though MonsterMustDie will be there Saturday to represent) and 2. let me know my barely-employed cousin with three children and an unemployed junkie husband were evicted from their house today.

And then, MonsterMustDie fixed my drink.

outdoors encroaching fantasies

2011-04-27T07:49:00.002-04:00

Last night, I dreamed I worked at a busy company with Anthony Bourdain as my department head. My pal Joy also worked there in another division. It was early spring but had snowed recently and some shipments were coming into us with snow on them.

People in my office were talking about camping and asking me if I liked camping. I told them I did not have much experience with it and, though I enjoyed the outdoors in concept or for a few hours, that I probably would not like it for extended periods of time.

cleaning up the mess

2011-04-19T20:21:00.002-04:00

The tree service came yesterday and broke down the fallen tree in the back yard. They came back today and took the rest of the logs out and ground out the stump in the back yard today.

Next: repairing the fence, though I do not know when someone will be here for that.

guest appearances in dreams

2011-04-18T07:46:00.003-04:00

Last nights subconscious featured Ian Hunter and Ray Dafrico.

objects of fantasy

2011-04-13T07:41:00.003-04:00

Last night, I had consumer dreams that included me having a iMac with a gigantic cinema screen and sound system that was remote controlled from anywhere in the house - like my bed when I'd wake up. I dreamed of fun things like living in a house very much like where I'm at but much bettter, newer, shinier with a larger bathroom that was all white tile and chrome and mirrors. I dreamed of cool graphic t-shirts and perfect-fitting clothes, including an tailored looking dark silver sharkskin woman's suit with a hooded black-silk lined overcoat. I also dreamed of seeing an odd covertible van on the street that folded open at top to reveal wood shelves to display a mobile ceramics shop... like that was something common to see on a city street.

Hot Sunday

2011-04-11T10:00:00.006-04:00

Started the day by going to the plant sale at Oakhurst Community Garden in Decatur, where I bought a couple of heirloom tomato plants and some herbs. They had all kinds of plants on sale, including a lot of really pretty succulents and native trees and shrubs.

Went out in the afternoon to East Atlanta to visit Chaz and Sandra and meet the new member of their household, a MainCoon mix named "Manny" (Man-Coon). Manny is a large male cat who loves humans of all kinds but is still adjusting to life with dogs. Things seem to be progressing in a positive directions with all creatures there but his movement in the house is still restricted to the upstairs (dog-free zone) without supervision, lest he attack the dogs. He's playful and entertaining but very sensitive to sounds and quick movements. The longer he's there, the less jumpy he will be, I'm quite sure. I have never seen a cat enjoy a toy mouse as much without a human to constantly move it around. Actually, he's quite gentle. He was okay with me (a stranger) picking him up and sitting him in my lap.

Sandra and I also went into downtown EAV to check out the pet store cat (hidden from customer dogs) and have some delicious King Of Pops from Urban Cannibals. By the time we went after 4pm, the cafe tables in front were shaded by the building and we had a nice breeze to keep things very pleasant outside while we chatted and enjoyed our popsicles.

Last night, the back porch grill was cleaned and used for the first time this year. I had a few turkey sausages to cook and some fresh vegetables from the local Kroger - bell peppers, Vidalia onion, gigantic portabello mushroom caps, corn. We invited a couple of neighbors over, who brought a tray of fresh bacon burger patties to grill and had an enormous feast. For the corn, I did the traditional soaking in salty water for half an hours (in the cooler, which is my only container big enough) before grilling them. The mushroom caps were rinsed and brushed with olive oil and cooked gill-side up with grated goat cheese from Whole Foods on top. The peppers and onions were just cut in chunks and tossed with olive oil, salt, and pepper before grilling them in the metal basket.

For reasons I can not explain, while I was chopping the onions the fumes went straight to my eyes and sinuses and gave me an immediate headache that lasted the rest of the night. It was not the usual burning eyes thing. It was like an eye-ache that spread to my entire head. I got through dinner but, after our guests left and the dishwasher was loaded and running, I took an Exedrin PM and went to bed.

after an energized night

2011-04-05T17:29:00.002-04:00

Last nights thunder storms were mostly a lot of strong winds and not so much rain. The lights went out at Rancho de WereMonster a bit before 11pm and from the back porch, I saw a tree fall across the back yard, just outside the fence. I had a front row seat to the event. I waited for a while to see if the power would come back before going off to bed.

Upon inspecting the yard this morning, there is very little storm damage - just lots of pine cones, sweetgum balls, and twigs everywhere. The back corner of the fence was taken out by the roots of the tree that fell. The rest of the tree is resting against the remaining back fence. I suspect that the lot behind the house is county property and that the county will choose to do nothing but let the tree eventually take down the rest of the fence over time.

The power (and our phones and internet access) was still out this morning after MonsterMustDie left for work. I took a bath with the remaining hot water in the house and went to a neighborhood cafe to check email and have my morning caffeine. This afternoon, there was a crew cutting a large ditch across our street from one neighbor's yard and through another. I am wondering if power will be restored when I get home today.

desperately needing a change

2011-04-04T21:37:00.003-04:00

I feel like I need to increase my skills both to make myself more attractive to employers and to raise my own self esteem, which is insufferably low now. I am not talking about a complete change of career but more enhancements to my existing experience and skills.

Last Thursday, I met with someone at Creative Circus and got nothing but a very expensive quote on single classes and lab fees and, since they are on break, no one knowledgeable about the classes I'm interested in to speak to. They kept trying to sell me completely useless and basic foundation classes.

Today, I spent most of the late morning and early afternoon making calls and sending resumes by fax or email.

Tomorrow's plan is to talk to an actual human at SCAD about some interactive communications classes - accredited courses that I might be able to apply in the future to a new bachelors degree. They have a degree program at SCAD and there was some mention of how a lot of my old college courses from many years back might still be applicable to a new degree. Mostly, I want to take classes that I need here and now without spending all my remaining savings.

I mentioned the discussions on classes to the housemate, who predictably told me I did not need to take any courses that did not immediately make money for me. This translates to me as his having a very negative attitude about me taking any classes. He seems to think I can do anything I want to without any more preparation than a software manual.

Did I mention that I learn best by doing and that reading puts me to sleep and manuals can not be read like novels from cover to cover?

It makes me feel both angry and defeated at every discussion. I hate not working a regular job and I miss my (much less expensive) tiny midtown condo more every day now.

spring in search of rebirth

2011-03-22T09:34:00.000-04:00

I find myself descending into a slight depression lately that I need to climb out of. Maybe I have a reverse season affective disorder. The logical ways to combat it seem to be activity - both physical and mental, quality sleep, and socialization. I am working to find new balance today. It's not like I'm all weepy or sluggish but that I feel a deep inertia and discomfort now. A restraint that will not be broken and a lack of confidence. I know this is something I have to fix on my own so I apologize if I seem to have a sorry attitude of late. I'll get over it soon.

welcoming the rain

2011-03-15T12:37:00.003-04:00

The first tomatoes and peppers are planted now and the rain has come just in time to help everything have a good start. Now, I just want to plant some arrugula and MonsterMustDie wants some eggplants.

News: Worrying can add years to your life.

2011-03-11T09:06:00.003-05:00

According to this study, I should live for a long time!

Can Worrying Add Years to Your Life?

Maybe all the sleep I've lost worrying about money, etc. is not so bad.

damp

2011-03-09T11:11:00.001-05:00

Not too dreary today since I did get a bit more sleep last night before waking up to listen to the rain hitting the roof. There is no attic here so there is hardly any sound buffer between roof and ceiling. No work today so I'm looking at remaining in pyjamas until tonight when I plan to meet a friend for dinner. I spent the first few hours this morning as I usually do, searching for jobs online. Now, it is time for pacing around in circles and considering what to fill the hours with. I am out of all art supplies and the pantry is nearly bare so cooking will not take place today, either.

I don't expect to hear back from last week's job interview until next week because my interviewer is out of town for now. Fingers crossed that something good will come of that.

Doom. Doom. Doom.

2011-03-07T17:22:00.003-05:00

Full disclosure: I am a major worrier from childhood through the now.

I would literally lie in bed at night worrying about my future and the horrors of the world at least as early as age 9 or 10. Pretty sure I started my time-honored tradition of fretting before then. I can remember being horrified by visits to nursing homes when I was a child and seeing how the elderly lived in awful squalid conditions, often in constant pain. I never wanted to grow old - not that old, anyway. By age 10 I was quite aware I had no fear of death. My fear was of old age and being incapacitated. True horror lied in the fear of captivity though age and disability. When I was 10, I also became aware that I did not have a good relationship with my family. I saw bits on TV about genetic disorders like Huntington's Disease, which does not show up until patients are in their 30's and worried about the deep dark murky gene pool of mystery I came from. By age 12, I realized I was always going to have a below-average home life and I would then lie in bed and fret that my family relationships had already doomed me to be screwed up for life and there was nothing I could effectively do about it. I read too many stories about troubled children and teenagers who always came to a very bad end. By age 15, I worried I was born, even conceived, doomed. Religion represented a form of thought control more draconian than the all-knowing Big Brother of 1984. True creativity and individualism was not approved by God. Nor was dressing in a way your family did not like or hanging out with the unattractive.

Yeah, I've always been the beautifully morose creature I am today.

healing

2011-03-07T13:28:00.010-05:00

It has been an odd week. The funeral in Alabama was okay, as Aunt Mary's death was not a surprise. I imagine that this brings closure and a bit of relief for her family to finally say goodbye, since disease took Mary away long ago and it just took time for her body to quit. There was a certain shadow to everything. The death of Aunt Mary forebodes the fate of his mother, June, as well because she also has Alzhiemer's now. It is easy to live in some degree of denial from a state away but being with her at the funeral makes him aware again of how far she has deteriorated. Soon, he will have to deal with making arrangements for her to live in a managed care residence. She really is incapable of living independently at this point. I am sure the shadow also hangs over him. One should always plan for the worst and hope for the best.

My arm continues to heal but I'm still on antibiotics. My last doses were yesterday and I hope my body goes back to normal after this medication is out of my system. Between stress over work & money, lack of sleep, my monthly "gift from Mother Nature" and the antibiotics, I have been feeling very diminished this week. Saturday night, I was looking forward to my date with my pillow during dinner to celebrate Uglyfish and EpitomeGirl's birthdays. Sunday, I was only slightly more functional at Ferne's homewarming.

Today, all I want to do is sleep. I know I should be making calls and running errands, but it is 1:30 in the afternoon and I just want to go back to bed.

Good and Bad

2011-03-01T11:58:00.005-05:00

This weekend, we were able to visit with some friends from Madison, Wisconsin. D&H were visiting with their six-month-old son, MCP, who looks like a blonde version of his father. Two other friends are expecting babies now. Seems like something is in the water.

Someone comes into town, someone leaves town.

MonsterMustDie's aunt Mary, his mother's sister, passed on Monday. We will be heading to Alabama for the funeral on Thursday. She had been fading for many years from Alzheimer's, a disease his mother now has.

I got a call today for a job interview on Friday. This is the first interview I've been able to get in a long long time. If they offer me anything, I'm taking it. Good news is it appears to be a full-time position with full benefits. Bad news is it is Alpharetta (40 minute commute each way), with the hours being 7PM to 7AM. But it would be a job, nonetheless, and I'd be delighted to have a regular paycheck again.

The lastest good news is that MonsterMustDie has reported that he is feeling a lot more sensation in his side and hip that have been numb since the stroke. It seems like the nerves are waking up again, somehow. He continues to improve and recover from the event, even now.

The possibility of the 3rd shift job puts the idea of adopting a cat to an end. If I get this job, we will need to simplifly things a lot more around here so I can sleep and function as normally as possible. This will not be at all easy. I had a third shift job years ago, while in my thirties, that I could only take for a year... and it was the loneliest year of my life. That was a much shorter commute then, too.

restraint

2011-02-24T10:11:00.002-05:00

I really want to be starting seeds, fertilizing, clearing planting areas, etc. but I am now, for this year, waiting on the house mate to decide what to do since he believes I did it all wrong last year and the year before. I am aching for activity now and this is just making me more discontent.

Since this is a man who is always too busy or too tired to do anything, my prediction is that there will be no gardening this year. It would be reasonable to assume that means I will need to find more things to do away from home in order to retain my sanity.

I have had enough of sedentary activities like spending all day at the computer sending out resumes or going over online tutorials.

Health insurance woes

2011-02-23T09:10:00.005-05:00

Today's WTF moment:

I have a health insurance bill, due March 11, for $568.67. This is a bill that was supposed to be paid by my revenant employer for the meager hours of work he still gives me from time to time. He does not pay me enough to cover this monthly bill - or my rent. The checks are always suspiciously low even when I spend more time there sometimes and I assumed this was just the cost of the insurance bill being taken from the check. There are no copiers there to make backups of my time cards or billing per job tickets so all payments to me or the pressman who comes in occassionally are on a basis of trust. Not sure what I should do about it other than pay this bill out of my savings and cancel the insurance.

Update:

I went online to eHealthInsurance.com and found significantly less expensive options from two very large, well known insurance companies. I filled out a partial application form and saved it to their site. Then I phoned the insurance rep for the business and asked what gives with me getting a huge insurance bill like that. I faxed the bill to him to review. He said the bill should have gone to the printing company but for some reason, they could not send it to that address so I needed to bring it to them. The revenant employer told me to bring the bill in to them - they have some work for me today - and they would take care of it.

discontent

2011-02-21T19:32:00.003-05:00

MonsterMustDie came home from work in a horrible mood tonight. Even now, he seems inconsolable. Worries about money (which I am making worse with my joblessness) and his own frets that his job is ultimately going nowhere have him so depressed tonight that he is not even speaking to me.

I feel certain that there is something he is not telling me. He mentions everyone, other than him, making money or coming into money. I think he has a great job but he's used to getting significant raises and bonuses every year at jobs he's had previously and can not accept or comprehend the fact that this job has given him neither. It is still a good job IMHO. He works with friends for a company with products he is very fond of and will promote in any conversation on design.

He cancelled renewing his toy website, Go-Boom.com, tonight. the site has not sold anything in two years and it is his labor of love that has been going nowhere. I had to agree that cancelling that site is the right thing to do. He is mourning it, among other things.

continuing

2011-02-08T10:21:00.000-05:00

My youngest uncle is still in ICU from his bypass surgery. He's having to deal continuing atrial fibrillation and nausea, which his doctors are planning to treat with drugs. The quintuple bypass ended up being a quadruple bypass surgery. One artery was completely gone. Fortunately, his youngest daughter continues to do a good job of updating us on his condition. She is my go-to source for information. Her life in Peru is on hold for the moment, while she continues to stay here to remain at her parents' side during all of this.

Last night, I enjoyed dinner out with the girls.

This morning, I woke up with a nasty bite of some sort on my finger. Spider, maybe? Usually, spider bites go down and disappear almost as quickly as they pop up but, hours later now, it looks a bit worse - more swollen. I think I'll take a Benadryl in a few minutes in the hope that will make the swelling go away. Fortunately, the bite is not very sore but the swelling and hard bump in the center of it is a concern.

The current agenda is empty. The spider bite has put me off doing any yard work today. I think I'll try to avoid exposing myself to more potential irritants for the next 24 hours.

in for the night

2011-02-04T22:35:00.002-05:00

Just got back from seeing Tron in 3D with Fun Lisa and MonsterMustDie. Had the unexpected pleasure of seeing my friend David at the cinema as we were leaving. Now, I feel like going out clubbing or doing things tonight but it is too cold and wet to want to venture out - and I’ve got no joiners, anyway, here. MonsterMustDie does not care to go out and Fun Lisa is already headed back to Suwannee.

The best laid plans don't work.

2011-02-01T09:54:00.005-05:00

MonsterMustDie did my Federal tax return for me and EZ-filed it last night. That done, we were planning on him doing my State tax return tonight.

They sent an email back to me today saying certain things don't match up with my info - one of them being my birthdate, which is entered correctly in every instance. Don't know what, if anything, I can or should do about that. I hope someone at H&R Block figures it out or that it is just a computer glitch on their side.

My mother is acting crazier than usual this month. After last week, I had stated to friends that I was planning to be incommunicado with all family until after I find a full-time job, which gives me validation with certain people and allows enough time for my mother to, hopefully, find some equilibrium again on her own. When she goes crazy, she likes to take me with her.

My plans for avoiding family conflicts have now been obliterated by my uncle being scheduled for heart surgery this thursday. If it weren't for younger family members posting on FaceBook, I would never have a clear picture of what is actually going on. I got a hysterical call from my mother while I was at the bank yesterday that did not contain many facts. Fortunately, my youngest cousin has kept me up-to-date.

Today's plans include a visit to the revenant job for an hour or more, followed by more of my job search from home. At this point, I don't know why he still calls me in occasionally and why I bother to show up.

unfit weather for a weremonkey

2011-01-26T12:22:00.001-05:00

This is normally the time of year when, after New Years Day, I do not go out until spring - usually some time in April.

Unless it is something necessary - like work or grocery shopping - or an event I am expected at, no one sees me in the flesh for a few cold months. Now I'm just trying to motivate myself to go out to look for inspiration, to personally deliver resumes, etc. on a day when home holds no interest to me either.

For visiting companies to pass out my resume, I need to psyche myself into feeling attractive, which is hard with cold temperatures leaving me so uncomfortable, crazy static-charged fine hair that refuses to be managed, and itchy winter skin. I feel like I am not selling myself as well as I could be.

Maybe a trip to the mall and a salon would help that... if I could talk myself into it.

I'm also trying to cut back on my habit of buying things online that I am ultimately dissatisfied with and actually shop for things in the touchy, feely, meaty, physical realm where I can try things on or flip through pages of actual books before I waste too much on shipping back and forth. This is harder with clothes than it seems, because it is sooo easy to search for exactly what I have an interest in and see a nice photo of how it is supposed to fit on a model but too often the item I buy is a lot flimsier or larger or lower cut (constantly having to be pulled up) than I think it will be. Online and catalog shopping also leads to a lot of “shopping blackouts” of the sort that I lose track of how much I have order. Really not a smart thing for the unemployed. Buying things is a pick-me-up. The women of my family traditionally have just one hobby - shopping - and I am groomed for this from the roots up.

Where is the mail?

2011-01-18T09:34:00.004-05:00

At the house, we have not been able to get a mail delivery since last week before the snow. Yesterday, on a national holiday when I was not expecting it, we got a mail delivery that consisted of one very recent purchase made a couple of days ago and a few bits of junk mail. That was all, but I was quite surprised the postal carrier showed up on the holiday, precisely one week after all deliveries had stopped.

My question: Where is all the mail we should have gotten last week? Will it finally be delivered today or have all of last week's deliveries of post and package been returned to sender? MonsterMustDie does not think that would happen, but I am not as optimistic about these things as he always is. I guess we’ll find out today if the glass - or mailbox - is half empty or half full.

Dangerous Tasty

2011-01-16T18:46:00.001-05:00

My roommate brought home a bag of Archer Farms Salt & Pepper potato chips.

Resistance is futile.

better

2011-01-15T18:59:00.000-05:00

Today's class was quite good. Got some useful information from people who know what they are talking about. It's always nice to have a class or seminar taught by someone who actually knows the subject matter and less common than you would think.
I'll be back tomorrow for another all-day class. I hope to catch up on my sleep tonight in order to be conscious for most of it.

anxiety

2011-01-15T01:25:00.003-05:00

I have a lot to be thankful for.

My housemate has mad ice driving skills. My car was stuck in ice on Thursday during the only outing I've made all week but I had one good neighbor give me a lift home and, later, he took John to the car where I had to leave it and John was able to get it moving and back home.

I still have money in the bank. Not as much as there was in the past but I haven't had to close or change accounts. Two things keeping me afloat are rent checks from my condo tenant and checks from a law firm handling mesothelioma lawsuits - which is like getting money from my father. He's still taking care of me even though he's been gone for years now. I received the last check a few months ago and it has been paying my rent and groceries, etc.

And now...

Warning: this is a rant post.

Probably just a passing mood that will be resolved by morning, but I feel a need to vent.

I have photo classes in Cobb County on Saturday (today) and Sunday. Everything was still icey outside at sundown. I went to bed early to be fresh for early morning drive. Woke up a few minutes after midnight unable to sleep due to anxiety. My mind can't stop worrying about the drive on Saturday and Sunday. There is no way for me to cancel the classes, so I must go or lose my money and this is one of the first professional workshops I have signed up for in a long time. I feel like Nikon has screwed me again.

Then, worrying about money, I could not stop thinking about my condo and the maintenance of the building on a larger scale with serious waste water issues from collapsed old sewer pipes that the city says it is not responsible because it is on private property (ours and the building behind us) and the insurance company is not responsible for because the damage extends beyond the building in midtown. These are not immediate issues but are looming for the entire block at Piedmont and S. Prado. So I worry that I am screwed for life over that issue eventually.

Then, of course, I started worrying about my job situation and how I can't file for unemployment because my boss does not have to admit I have no job at a company I might go in to one day a week for a few hours. Not that I could get unemployment at this point, as few hours as I've worked in as long a period of time. I hope that a new job comes my way in the next week when things thaw out after MLK Day. I saw a management position a few days ago advertised at $7.00 an hour, which makes me feel hopeless. News crews doing bits on helping the homeless needing coats and blankets while sleeping under bridges makes me feel terminal.

I worry that I made a bad decision years ago moving out to the condo. That move has cost me thousands of dollars from replacing things broken or lost in moving, buying things I did not need before and in repairing the condo after each tenant, with the first tenant being the absolute worse. The property is both a treasure and an albatross. Part of me wishes to be free of it and part of me is very happy to own a place in the city that is located so close to everything. I miss being in midtown although I enjoy living in a house with a yard. If I owned a house, there would be a much bigger garden and a studio of my own. I also fear that, because of my father's creative financing (he was a CPA) and the fact that he co-signed with me for it, the condo might be unsellable. Many things in my family were moved on paper to be partially owned by Perry Investments, a company I've been told in the past no longer exists, which is why my mother still has their old Cadillac in her garage next to the car she drives - she can't sell it. Because there were so many things dealing with my condo that my father had to co-sign for - including refund checks from the mortgage company - I'm nearly certain the same thing is lurking in my own finances.
After my father died, my retirement account disappeared. Having power of attorney already to handle my finances, he and my brother had moved my retirement account account from one mutual fund to another and then off the map entirely. It's gone. There is no finding it.
The year my father died, my sister-in-law let me know that my brother (father's partner in the dead investment company and CPA firm) no longer wanted to do any family taxes. That year, he did my taxes on the easy form and that was the last time he did it. He still takes care of my mother's taxes and finances but that is all he is willing to do. After years of having a very controlling/protective family make all financial decisions for me, I know nothing about taxes, investments, etc. So I let MonsterMustDie do the easy form for me and so far that has been working okay.
This is also why I need a full-time job without the complications of freelancing or working on contract. I'm really not educated for dealing with the IRS and I was raised with a great fear and dread of the tax man. I want to keep our relationship simple and without surprises.

Surviving Atlanta Snowpocalypse

2011-01-12T17:54:00.004-05:00

I am going batty with nothing to do here. There is nothing to do outdoors and no one to visit by walking, if I could do that without falling on the solid sheet of ice that covers the ground here.

I started one ebay auction for an old film camera I have and if that goes well, I’ll continue to sell other old cameras I have for extra money in lieu of wages and to clear the closet of things I seldom use now. I will probably retain my old original Nikon FM camera and my old 2x2 twin lense camera but everything else must go. The ebay auction is also a form of self-entertainment.

I wish I had art supplies and an easel to doodle around here. Seriously considering some old school drawing and painting studio courses - which I will no doubt be criticized for taking - just to reconnect my brain a bit. I have a couple of workshops this weekend to attend that I hope will be inspiring.

I know I am being a malcontent at this point. Not meaning to complain too much. I do get tired of the line that “only boring people are bored” so I’ll try to make a bit more fun for myself here with what I've got. There has been a lot of cooking these past two days. Monday dinner was venison-pork hash with double garlic kale. Tuesday was shepherds pie made with the hash along with the last of the leftover kale. Tonight, dinner will be orzo with spinach, feta, and a bit of lemon juice.

Tomorrow, both my housemate and I will try to make it out into the world for work, post office, etc. Hoping there are no problems getting out of the neighborhood by then.

A winter storm is predicted in a couple of days

2011-01-08T11:58:00.005-05:00

The Jehova's witnesses just came to the house and I am not answering the door for them any more. Last time they came while I was in busy and opened my front door to put a copy of their newsletter inside the house. That is very uncool. Usually, I have the door locked but it was one of those days when I was running in and out a lot.

Last night, we celebrated Mister Pyynk's birthday at Thinking Man's Tavern with the biggest crowd yet. If our group gets much bigger it might be a good idea to rent Thinking Man's for the evening. It was standing room only for a while. We were fortunate enough to be some of the first people there, even before the birthday boy, and had good seats and rock star parking in front.
EpitomeGirl gave me some very good advice that I will try to remember in the future.

I just finished a freelance project for a friend that I truly enjoyed working on.

Thursday was one of mood swings and general family dysfunction for both of us. MonsterMustDie's mother, who has Alzheimer's, was taken advantage of by a phone scammer who got her checking account and bank I.D. from her so accounts had to be changed and calls had to made ASAP to the bank the next morning to square things away. This would have been a bit easier if Monster had not decided to leave the folder of info given to him at the bank with his mother in Alabama, despite my advice to take it home with him. Ugh!
Then my mother was having a manic day and evening and decided to phone and share her dark side with me. I could not deal with her on the phone because I kept trying to calm her down and be positive - this is not what she wanted to hear - and it took me an hour to end the conversation politely. At the end of her call, my brain was fried and my nerves were blown.

I also just found out this week that a friend of mine has some very serious health issues at hand. She does not want to dwell on it or talk about it and I don't blame her. She's dealing with it and just wanted us to be aware of what is going on with her now. I think we need lunch together and a mani-pedi-massage day.

Mick Karn is dead.

2011-01-04T22:07:00.000-05:00

He died of cancer.

I never knew him.

Yet, I feel strangely morose at his passing. I will miss him. At least, I will miss the anticipation of hearing more from him - and maybe seeing more of him as well.

Good night, sweet prince.

some rouge and powder

2010-12-30T18:08:00.001-05:00

The only thing I aim to accomplish with the start of the new year, other than getting a full time job with the usual benefits, is to get myself in better shape. Getting is shape refers to both appearance and health. I need to bite the bullet and, as long as I can scrape the money together, join a gym in order to be in better shape. I need to start eating a healthier diet again with less fat and more green. I am quite in need of a haircut and color would be a good idea too. I need to hone my wardrobe, fill in the gaps, and toss the rags.

Christmas Holiday 2010

2010-12-26T18:50:00.003-05:00

Briefly:
Spent Christmas eve with friends I love dearly. It was a group dinner out at Harmony Vegetarian Chinese restaurant, followed by a long night hanging out in what can best be described as an Irish wake for a dog. They had to to put down the second of their two old dogs. They lost the first one a few months ago. I brought the traditional Crowe Family holiday snacks to share after dinner. Stayed late drinking crying and talking. It was a hard night but I was glad I was there.

Christmas morning, we had coffee, opened our gifts to each other and a few that we had not gotten into yet, and then had a decadent breakfast of bacon and eggs that I cooked in the cast iron skillet. In the afternoon, we drove to Kennesaw in the snow to spend the day with my family at my mother's house. As much as she likes having a family dinner at home on the holidays, it is becoming very difficult for my mother to clean, decorate, and prepare a meal for everyone. She was running hours behind schedule and had already injured herself twice (one bad fall and one cut on the had) before we got there. I don't know how much longer she can try to do this to have a Chrismas holiday every year. Thanksgiving is kinda long gone already but it makes her happy to have this day as her own. One of the most difficult things is that she refuses any help with things - always has, so I know better than to try - and so I always have to stand back and let things happen however they're going to play out. It would make me insane if John was not there with me for it. A crowning moment of perpetual dysfunction in my family relationships.

Today, we started out to visit Mr. Monster's mother in Alabama but kept driving into progressively heavy snow fall and decided to abort the trip for today. He did not want to face the drive back later in the day. He said he didn't mind driving on snow or ice as much as having too many other idiot drivers he'd have to look out for. We'll try again on Tuesday or Wednesday to visit his mom. This was sending me into serious cabin fever and loneliness because nothing we had planned for today was happening. Fortunately, Fun Lisa came to El Rancho and rescued me from a growing state of ennui. Tonight, I'm drinking hot cider and he's watching his new Avatar Blueray DVD, camped out on the couch.

Both of us are without work til January 3rd, with the possible exception of a few hours for either of us to work on Thursday. The rest of the week is open, weather permitting, for whatever comes up.

UPDATE:

We visited MonsterMustDie's mother on Tuesday and spent the day in Alabama. She was having an especially good day and the visit was pleasant. We took her out to eat. He went to the bank with her to manage some things for her. The weather was sunny and warmer than it had been for several days.