missing a human connection

I miss him and think of him every day. I know I can not have him. He deserves to be happy. He is an extraordinary man and a traditional southern gentleman. The fact that he means so much to me makes him one of a kind.

Always seeking what I can never have.

I have been in the wrong place for too many years. Most days I feel as if I've lost myself forever.

He finally phoned on my birthday and offered to "put a smile on (my) face" for my birthday. This threw my heart and brain into an incredible conflict and my mood into a horrible downward spiral that I could not break out of the rest of the day. I had to refuse the offer because he supposedly is in a relationship now and I can not share or risk an impromptu visit from the competition. He is the only one I want but if I'd taken his offer, I doubt he would have any respect for me.

I keep thinking of his stories, of talking with him for hours, of long silver hair and eyes like winter sky.

lost in the ether

My attempt to get to work this morning using the live navigator was a huge fail. For reasons that only Google can fathom, my navigator took me to the geographic, rather than street address, of the company I work at part time. I ended up after several turns on small streets at a dead end cul-de-sac that was behind the company. At the point where the Navigator said “Your destination is on the left” I could see the loading docks at the back of the building through the trees and chain link fence to the side of the road. I had to back track, change Navigation options and app, and use a bit of my own bad sense of direction to get to work. What should have been a 30 minute drive took 45 minutes, so at least it got me in the neighborhood before throwing me into the unknown. Urgh!

too much wine

Had dinner with friends tonight and opened my mouth a bit too much.

Now, MonsterMustDie does not even want to speak to me tonight. He's that mad.

Note to self: Shut The Fuck Up about your personal, family, and financial life.

Saturday

Very good quality was spent having dinner with a pal last night. I'd love to have more evenings like that, with quality time and meaningful conversation to catch up with each other on what is actually going on in our lives.

Not much else happened since the interview. I went in for a short day to work in Tucker on Friday. Still looking for work or affordable classes wherever I can find either. I know I need to learn Java Script, maybe PHP, and MYSQL, and improve my Dreamweaver skills. I still question the use of CSS, at least from Adobe and MS apps, since it sometimes creates conflicts. Flash seems to have become a thing of the past now. I am not sure what else I could add to my skill set that would improve my ability to find work.

Today, I am planning to be at the East Atlanta Strut, which begins soon at 10:00 a.m. and goes on 11:00 p.m. tonight. Room mate wants to go and bring friends from the neighborhood, so I need to wake him up soon. I am sure it will be a long walk from where we are able to park to the festival by the time we get there. Taking a cab from a public parking lot in a nearby neighborhood would be sooooo much easier but I don't think I will be able to talk them into it. We'll see how easy it is to go there - I could be wrong.

Good Omens

Just when I start feeling sorry for myself in my jobless state again, I get a phone call from one of the temp agencies I am listed with. I have an interview on Thursday morning for a new temporary assignment, which actually happens to be closer to where I will be house-sitting next month than el Rancho. Wish me luck!

In other news, MonsterMustDie and his good cousin finally have his mother out of the neurological facility and in a nursing home. It is an old residence where other members of their family have spent their final years. They have her sleep and meds regulated now and she is much better. She still recognizes her son and niece and is healing from the injuries of weeks ago when she kept falling while in an over/wrongly medicated daze.

Last weekend was big. Saturday night I went with friends to the Beltline Lantern Parade.

Sunday was spent at the neighborhood pool celebrating a friend's birthday. A friend baked a home-made birthday cake that matched the bright Tiki party color theme.