still miss my dad sometimes

Although we did not have THE close father-daughter relationship I read about sometimes, and he often said the opposite of what I was expecting or needed to hear, I still quite often feel the absence of him. I miss being able to ask for his advice, good or bad but always honest, on important matters.

In the reverse, even these three years after his death, I feel frustrated and even a bit angry at things he set in place that still affect me and limit me. My brother and I were both kept on a short leash, which was both protective but very limiting.

Sometimes I miss my father's infuriating, but loving way of running things as "Don't even try. I've already taken care of everything. You'll just screw up. ".

I wonder if my brother's adjustment is much easier than mine, as I suspect it is, or if we are in a much more similar boat than I think.

He has a good education and I have always longed for a better education.

He is married to his perfect life partner with a large home and a family but he's never taken a step outside of the ties we grew up with and he has no very close friendships that I know of despite that fact. I have no family of my own and I will always struggle with my own finances - due more to my near-complete inability to make money more than poor management, but I have good friends who I adore and share infinite things with. I think I may enjoy the small things in life much more than he does as well.

He has so many good things in life but he always seems to have a pained look on his face.


... or maybe he just looks that way when he's around me...