Atlanta SantaCon 2008

This just in:

Atlanta Santacon - Vortex L5P - 6pm, 12-20-2008

A message from Santa himself -
*Atlanta SantaCon is December 20th starting at 6pm at the Vortex in Little 5 Points*

That's right kids, it's that
time again. SantaCon is coming!!! I've seen the pics from the last few years and have to say, Yall do it right!!!! Just to remind everyone, I have listed the rules for SantaCon again. There is no Santa in charge to call. If you can't show up for the start, get the phone number of someone who can help you catch up later.

1. AGAIN! Santa does not make children cry. Really - If you see kids, give them nice toys, candy, or something pleasant. Parents and Tourists are a different matter altogether -- adjust based on their attitude.

2. Santa dresses for all occasions. It's December. Smart Santas wear
multiple costume layers. Dress to maximize merriment whether singing
Christmas carols in the snow, or swinging from a stripper pole.

3. Santa doesn't whine! We will be outside alot and commuting mainly
on foot - bring enough "snacks" to keep your pie-hole filled until we
get indoors.

4. Bring gifts -- NAUGHTY gifts to give grown ups; NICE stuff to give
kids. Throwing coal at people is discouraged no matter who they are.
YES THAT INCLUDES POLITICIANS. But giving out coal is always ok?.

5. Watching Santa get drunk and obnoxious is fun. Babysitting Santa
while they vomit in an alley is not. Don't be that Santa.

6. Pay for your Beer and tip the bar staff, we want to be able to this
again. Bribery gets you everywhere! Also pay for your beer or drink as
soon as you get it. Other Santa?s get tired of waiting on Santa?s to
clear their tab before being able to move on. This entire adventure
should be a cash only. Credit Cards only take longer.

7. No Santa?s left behind. Don't go leaving one or two Santas in the
process. Santa doesn't like that. Pick a few people you know and keep an
eye out for them when it's time to move to the next location. If you
don't see them, speak up so everyone waits. Every Santa should have at
least 2-3 other Santas they look out for and that look out for them.
We don't want to leave someone in the bathroom and have them wandering
around looking for us. Santa is safer in numbers. What one Santa
couldn't get away with without getting questioned, 50 can. Stick
together Santa?s!

8. Memorize these answers to important questions that may arise:

* Who's in charge? "Santa"

* What organization are you with? "Santa"

* What are you protesting? "Nothing, Santa's having a party" (note: WE
ARE NOT PROTESTERS!! We'd need a permit for that - and something
serious to complain about...)

* How did you get here? "A sleigh and eight tiny reindeer"

* Where are you going next? "I'm only allowed to tell you if you wear
this hat and buy me a beer."

9. Dress the hell up! You don't have to dress as Santa proper. That's
BORING! Variations of Santa-ness are deeply appreciated, both by those
we bring joy to - as well as the other Santarchists! Variants of elves
or reindeer or what-have-you are fine as well!

10. "No blows below the belt. Keep it clean."

11. Please realize that this indeed is an event to have a hell of a
lot of fun, and of course, with the assistance of liquor. It's not,
however, an event to get shit-faced to the point that Santa?s end up
insulting, fighting, degrading, or being assholes to people that run
the places that we visit - or to the regular patrons that are there.
Remember, we're LUCKY that they let THIS many jackasses into their
places of business - and we'd like to keep coming back. Also, there is
no "bail fund" for incarcerated Santii - so you'll be on your own with
that, suckahs.

12. Santas that drink should make sure that they are also Santa?s
that can drive home, or make arrangements so that they don't need to.
This is a no-brainer, but alas, I feel it needs to be said. I don't
want any casualties. We need as many soldiers for "return tours", so
to speak. With mass transit being what it is in Atlanta, we suggest
bringing a designated driver and of course carpooling as much as
possible. The more Santii in each vehicle, the fewer individuals need
to remain dry.

Santa Do's and Don'ts

* DO address every Santa as Santa, in the first, second, and third
person, singular and plural.

* DO have something ready to hand out, even if it's just candy canes.

* DO many thorough soaks of your cleaning product containers before
storing liquor in them. (If you haven't already done so, it may be too
late to start now.) Santa's that want should bring flasks cleverly
disguised as pine-sol or windex bottles.

* DO be ready for new adventure at a moment's notice. Santa is like a
shark, and must keep moving in order to thrive.

* DO uphold the hallowed tradition of Never Washing the Suit.

* Let us not forget the sacred "four fucks":

- DON'T Fuck with Kids. I'm serious; this is supposed to be fun.
Holidays are unpleasant enough for kids these days. If we can't
brighten it at least we can be one less worry for them. If you see
kids, give them nice toys, candy, or something pleasant. Feel free to
hassle their parents though. Remember: The kids of today are the
weirdos of tomorrow.

- DON'T Fuck with Security. If they ask you to leave a store, get the
hell out and be nice about it, or other Santa's will take shit for it.
Besides, they might call the cops and then we have to deal with the
next fuck?.

- DON'T Fuck with Cops. If the cops tell you to do something, DO IT.
If you want to get busted, do it when you and I aren't dressed the same.

- DON'T Fuck with Santa and don't fuck with me or I'll puke on your
suit, you damned impostor.

* DON'T quote a web address!

* DON'T point out someone!

* DON'T give out a name (except Santa!)

* DON'T supply an e-mail address!

* DON'T hand out a phone number!

I'm sure this will be updated again, so keep checking back and Santa
will post more about this event as it gets closer.

www.santarchy.com/santacon-2008/