hot and tired

Worked a surprisingly good day at  retail job #1 and got lots of compliments from co-workers. Found out one of the managers has left the store, which is a huge loss because he had took a lot of product and company knowledge with him. We have a new flock of young employees from nearby colleges, some former employees looking for part-time filler work, and former employees of our competitors.

I think I am not made to drive a forklift so, after agonizing for so long about doing it, I'm okay with staying away from them. Everyone reminds me how much I hate driving cars and how far that is from the culture I was raised in. In retrospect, I think I would not make a good operator and its in the company's best interest that I steer clear of them. My anxiety kicks in just looking at them.

Every time I go in now to job #1, I think it will be my last day and that I'll be fired soon for all the work conflicts I have trying to manage schedules for two part-time jobs.

I see no hope on the horizon for employment in the field I am educated for or for returning to college.

Even if I returned to college, would that even benefit me by the time it would take to finish a new Master's degree in the hopes of finding work? I think not. I think my age - past 50 - still makes me unattractive to employers. Anyway I would never  be able to schedule classes with my current lifestyle and I can't afford online college. I don't qualify for any grants or loans, either.

I need a business plan for something I can start myself, with no money up front, using what I already have, in a place where I know no one. Perhaps online, where location is not a concern.

It has been hot this week with temperatures in the 90s again. Both myself and MonsterMustDie have been feeling insurmountable fatigue from the heat. Sunday, we ran errands in the morning and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening languishing indoors, in the AC, Could not even be motivated to do indoor activities. Yesterday, we both came home exhausted from work and slept deeply last night under the fan. Ceiling fans are a lifesaver, especially when you don't want to kill your AC unit.

It amazes me how long my grandmother lived without air-conditioning. She relied on fans in a duplex built in the 40's with transom windows over all the doorways. For the winter, she had one central heater in the basement that had a huge "baby burner" vent in the hallway floor. No fan necessary for the heater - hot air rises and created its own warm breeze from the center of the house. The garden she had was great. It was a back yard full of large flowers, green grass, and a concrete bird bath in the center. Teal-painted brick patio. There was always a little vegetable garden on the left side of the back yard and climbing rose bushes on the right side of the yard against the fence. A home-made shed and fenced-in compost pile sat at the very back of the lot. Tomatoes. Strawberries. Quince. Hollyhock. Four'O Clocks. Hydrangeas. Roses. Caladiums. Etc, She saved seeds as well for the following year.

Today, I work at part-time retail job #2. This is my preferred workplace but, alas, they give me even less hours than job #1. However, I have hope that they will increase the frequency of my schedule with them. The job pays the same as #1 and is much closer to home and easier on my body. I am always beaten up physically after working at #1. I have bruises and cuts all over me from yesterday. Job #2 has co-worker who are a lot less depressing to be around as well. Better all-around environment. Today will be a good day.