Friday's Rant

Immediately after taking on day off work for my wedding in October, Job #1 had me come into work the next morning at 8:00 a.m. Then, later that week, they let me go because they did not like the scheduling conflicts that always arose from my dance between them and my other very part-time Job #2. So I am trying to concentrate on job 2 as much as possible while still looking for full-time work or at least temp work at better pay and dependable hours. Today, Job 2 called me in for a meeting with my supervisors. They are concerned that I am not working fast enough and want me to be more enthusiastic and energized with customers (i.e. perky, but "we're not asking you to change your personality..."). Also, I need to sell more store credit cards, which are a VERY big deal for any retailer. I plan to work on my assertiveness and be more aggressive on trying to sell the credit cards. I don't know how I'm going to be more perky but I will try to be happy. I wish there was a drug I could take that would make me all of the above.

Meanwhile, I think we are legally married but I have no idea if the papers were filed in time and if that matters or if there are extra legal fees yet to pay or if this whole thing should be annulled. My luck seems worse for getting married. I am feeling frustrated with everyone and everything. And I keep thinking about how MonsterMustDie's close friend was telling everyone, including me, that he was the one to thank for us getting married because MonsterMustDie always thought I was too old for him, saying he told him to settle for someone closer to his own age. Yes, my creepy old Dutchman now seems a lot creepier to me now.

It makes me even sadder when I look at my niece's bridesmaid gift that I never had the opportunity to give her. There was no time. My family came to town for only one day and they stayed in Charlotte, over an hour away, until it was time for the wedding and they left soon after while I was still at the reception. My brother and sister-in-law alone were able to come the night before to attend the rehearsal dinner but they almost missed the rehearsal itself. I feel somehow disowned by my family. The great irony is that it was my family who kept on me to get married. One of the main reasons we made ourselves legally tied was their urging to do so.

I feel I was born to stay orphaned. Yes, I know everyone had to make time in their schedules to make the trip but I would have liked to have seen more or my family while they were here.