another UTI

Woke up at 2:30 a.m. with another horrible UTI, probably from the infection I had last month that was never completely cleared, no thanks to my regular doctor's office. MonsterMustDie drove me to the local emergency room for a positive test and thankfully, my insurance was still active so it only cost me $500.00 (I dread to think what something like this will cost with no insurance). Thanks to the kind staff and young Dr. Patel for helping me accurately and quickly. My Walgreens helped with the cost of the antibiotics and now I'm once again on the road to recovery.

This has been a strange sad week. Lost my full-time job last week. 

Planned a trip to Chicago this week with friend to visit her mom. 

Then my sister-in-law's father, who has been ill for a very long time, passed away early Sunday morning. I cancelled the plans for the Chicago trip and started making new plans to drive down to Atlanta for the funeral and MonsterMustDie took his suit to the drycleaners (which he should have done last time he wore it). 

My sister-in-law asked us not to come to the funeral. She just repeated several times how the long drive wasn't worth it and it was going to be a small brief memorial - about 30 minutes.

On the upside, maybe everything does happen for a reason. 

My friend decided to postpone her trip to Chicago to next week so we can go together and she doesn't have to make such a long drive alone. 

It probably would have been much worse if I had come down with this infection while I was away from home. The money I would have spent on travel and flowers and cat-sitter, etc. for the funeral trip was used for medical bills. Looks like the universe has taken care of me again.

No body there

As an update on my cousin's
Death last week,  I got a text yesterday from my brother letting us  know there will be a small memorial for him on Wednesday. There's no way either of us can get off work to make the trip down to Georgia.  That's probably for the best. Our presence at a funeral we weren't invited to would,  at best, be very awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. The entire family shut us out when my mother died. I suppose they will just scatter ashes in the park and be done with it.

another death in the family

I've gotten so used to no one calling that I have not been remembering to turn my cell phone on when I am not at work. A call from my brother came in tonight on MonsterMustDie's phone. He wanted to let me know that there was one more legal form that we both need to sign next time I am in Atlanta. Also, BTW, the cousin that we grew up with is dead. He committed suicide a few days ago.
My niece found out by accident, reading a facebook post by his daughter-in-law. No one in the family bothered to tell us what was going on. I haven't heard from any of my mother's family since her funeral and neither has my brother.

I asked how his inlaws were and got the latest news from my sister-in-law. Her family has been going through a lot of transitions. I told them we were okay, that I probably would not be able to make a trip for a long time because I am working two jobs now (hopefully, he can mail any forms we have to sign in tandem a just have a notary witness authenticate them), and to please not be such a stranger.

Friday's Rant

Immediately after taking on day off work for my wedding in October, Job #1 had me come into work the next morning at 8:00 a.m. Then, later that week, they let me go because they did not like the scheduling conflicts that always arose from my dance between them and my other very part-time Job #2. So I am trying to concentrate on job 2 as much as possible while still looking for full-time work or at least temp work at better pay and dependable hours. Today, Job 2 called me in for a meeting with my supervisors. They are concerned that I am not working fast enough and want me to be more enthusiastic and energized with customers (i.e. perky, but "we're not asking you to change your personality..."). Also, I need to sell more store credit cards, which are a VERY big deal for any retailer. I plan to work on my assertiveness and be more aggressive on trying to sell the credit cards. I don't know how I'm going to be more perky but I will try to be happy. I wish there was a drug I could take that would make me all of the above.

Meanwhile, I think we are legally married but I have no idea if the papers were filed in time and if that matters or if there are extra legal fees yet to pay or if this whole thing should be annulled. My luck seems worse for getting married. I am feeling frustrated with everyone and everything. And I keep thinking about how MonsterMustDie's close friend was telling everyone, including me, that he was the one to thank for us getting married because MonsterMustDie always thought I was too old for him, saying he told him to settle for someone closer to his own age. Yes, my creepy old Dutchman now seems a lot creepier to me now.

It makes me even sadder when I look at my niece's bridesmaid gift that I never had the opportunity to give her. There was no time. My family came to town for only one day and they stayed in Charlotte, over an hour away, until it was time for the wedding and they left soon after while I was still at the reception. My brother and sister-in-law alone were able to come the night before to attend the rehearsal dinner but they almost missed the rehearsal itself. I feel somehow disowned by my family. The great irony is that it was my family who kept on me to get married. One of the main reasons we made ourselves legally tied was their urging to do so.

I feel I was born to stay orphaned. Yes, I know everyone had to make time in their schedules to make the trip but I would have liked to have seen more or my family while they were here.

The crazy continues

Spent this afternoon driving Mother around so she could move bank accounts. More of this will go on Wednesday because the last bank we went to was already closed for the day by the time we got there. I get the impression she trying to do all of this without my brother's knowledge despite the fact that he is her financial adviser and has right of attorney on all of her accounts. 

Meanwhile, it looks like I will be trapped here until Friday at this point. I am starting to feel anxiety constantly now. My heart races. I tense up everywhere and I can't speak. I'm starting to feel like I did when I was a child and I can't get over this irrational fear that I'm never getting out of here. 

post weekend

We are back in North Carolina after another whirlwind trip to Atlanta. We stayed with friends in the old neighborhood again while we visited my mother and attended the wedding of friends.

Mother seems to be doing much better physically. She got two units of blood on Thursday and another two units on Friday. She also had her dialysis treatments in the hospital without any worries about transportation. By Sunday, her doctor had given her a lighter sling to keep her arm in rather than the tight, stiff one that held her arm so close to her  body.  She wants to go home. She is terrified of going back to the rehab center. She does not want to be in the hospital. She is having evening anxiety attacks every day now, which sounds like something I've heard described as "sundowning" in the past. She feels abandoned and under informed by her doctors.

All this, and my brother and sister-in-law have not yet told her about their trip to Italy. I told them she needs to know before they leave on the trip because I do not want to be the one who breaks the news to her and she needs to know that I'm planning to take care of her while they're out of the country. I got a voice mail from my uncle Ron while I was in the shower this morning. He sounded tired and concerned. The message is just "Give me a call back. I need to talk with you about your mother. I don't understand what's going on." He has knee surgery scheduled in the morning and I know she is very worried about it. I've left a voice mail reply. Then I phoned my sister-in-law. I haven't heard back from either of them yet.

In other news -

Nicky and Sean's wedding vow ceremony was beautiful, sweet, and funny. It was a huge collaboration of friends putting the event together in a very personal and creative way. Her family were able to be there and they are just as funny and sweet as she is. With the exception of the wedding party, the couple have cut out drinking and any other unhealthy habits and are actively trying to conceive their first child. I will look forward to future announcements/progress reports on that family project.

Happy F**king New Year

I bought flowers that I have arranged in a large Tiki mug on the living room table. Before the move, I had two nice glass vases that friends had gifted me at different times years ago but the box those should be packed in is MIA, probably gone forever like so many casualties of the relocation. Still, the Tiki vase looks rather festive IMHO. The battery charger for my camera is still missing as well. I suppose I am, temporarily, no longer a photographer. I have a non-working camera, no tripod, and no place to set up for a photo. It is the creeping entropy I live in.

At least, there are flowers on the table now.

Yesterday, MonsterMustDie killed an electrical outlet in the livingroom he was trying to replace with a better looking fixture. One more thing not working in the house. Fortunately, there are other outlets nearby and the livingroom is not an area we will spend any time in anyway. 

My mother is still in the hospital. She had surgery to have the port inserted for dialysis because her kidneys are functioning at only 7 percent. She also now has a bladder infection that they are treating with antibiotics. She has had a lot more visitors in the hospital and that has raised her spirits considerably. Yesterday, my youngest uncle and his wife & daughter came to visit. Then Charlotte, who she used to work with at the courthouse, came by for a visit so she has not been lonely.

Thor!

MonsterMustDie and I went with FunLisa to see Thor last night. I will not say Thor was the best movie ever made but it was good. Parts were quite predictable, but the art direction was very good and, visually, it went very deep into me. I dreamed of settings like those in the movie all night.

There is no work tomorrow, so I plan to sleep late and do website tweeking and reworking in the afternoon.

Meanwhile, it is hot tonight, I am sweating, and my vodka tonic is broken.

UPDATE:

My mother phoned to 1. postpone our already-belated Mother's Day + Monster Birthday dinner til next week (which means I'll miss Tunes From The Tombs at Oakland - though MonsterMustDie will be there Saturday to represent) and 2. let me know my barely-employed cousin with three children and an unemployed junkie husband were evicted from their house today.

And then, MonsterMustDie fixed my drink.

The best laid plans don't work.

MonsterMustDie did my Federal tax return for me and EZ-filed it last night. That done, we were planning on him doing my State tax return tonight.

They sent an email back to me today saying certain things don't match up with my info - one of them being my birthdate, which is entered correctly in every instance. Don't know what, if anything, I can or should do about that. I hope someone at H&R Block figures it out or that it is just a computer glitch on their side.

My mother is acting crazier than usual this month. After last week, I had stated to friends that I was planning to be incommunicado with all family until after I find a full-time job, which gives me validation with certain people and allows enough time for my mother to, hopefully, find some equilibrium again on her own. When she goes crazy, she likes to take me with her.

My plans for avoiding family conflicts have now been obliterated by my uncle being scheduled for heart surgery this thursday. If it weren't for younger family members posting on FaceBook, I would never have a clear picture of what is actually going on. I got a hysterical call from my mother while I was at the bank yesterday that did not contain many facts. Fortunately, my youngest cousin has kept me up-to-date.

Today's plans include a visit to the revenant job for an hour or more, followed by more of my job search from home. At this point, I don't know why he still calls me in occasionally and why I bother to show up.

A winter storm is predicted in a couple of days

The Jehova's witnesses just came to the house and I am not answering the door for them any more. Last time they came while I was in busy and opened my front door to put a copy of their newsletter inside the house. That is very uncool. Usually, I have the door locked but it was one of those days when I was running in and out a lot.

Last night, we celebrated Mister Pyynk's birthday at Thinking Man's Tavern with the biggest crowd yet. If our group gets much bigger it might be a good idea to rent Thinking Man's for the evening. It was standing room only for a while. We were fortunate enough to be some of the first people there, even before the birthday boy, and had good seats and rock star parking in front.
EpitomeGirl gave me some very good advice that I will try to remember in the future.

I just finished a freelance project for a friend that I truly enjoyed working on.

Thursday was one of mood swings and general family dysfunction for both of us. MonsterMustDie's mother, who has Alzheimer's, was taken advantage of by a phone scammer who got her checking account and bank I.D. from her so accounts had to be changed and calls had to made ASAP to the bank the next morning to square things away. This would have been a bit easier if Monster had not decided to leave the folder of info given to him at the bank with his mother in Alabama, despite my advice to take it home with him. Ugh!
Then my mother was having a manic day and evening and decided to phone and share her dark side with me. I could not deal with her on the phone because I kept trying to calm her down and be positive - this is not what she wanted to hear - and it took me an hour to end the conversation politely. At the end of her call, my brain was fried and my nerves were blown.

I also just found out this week that a friend of mine has some very serious health issues at hand. She does not want to dwell on it or talk about it and I don't blame her. She's dealing with it and just wanted us to be aware of what is going on with her now. I think we need lunch together and a mani-pedi-massage day.

parasites

MonsterMustDie has found out his mother, who is in early stages of dementia, is being fleeced by distant family members (by marriage) who have taken unknown amounts of money from her for "medical treatments" on a daily basis. One of the two people involved (daughter) has a police record a mile long and is, like many other relatives of his, a drug addict. Her mother is also taking money from his mom for undisclosed medical bills and services. His mother does not know how to say no and my thought is that it might be highly dangerous for her to refuse to pay them. They know where she lives. They know she lives alone. They know she's not quite in her right mind any more. It's a sad situation and I don't know what, if anything, he can do about it. His mother is willingly giving them money. It's her money from savings that, I suppose, she can do whatever she wants with.

On top of all of this, he also feels very strongly that she does not need to be driving any more after a recent accident, which totalled her car. She simply 'went blank' while driving.

At the end of the day, the only way he could probably help her is to actually be living with or near her in Alabama and he can't do that. He's got a great job here, working for friends who treat him well. Pell City, where his mother lives, is a small town in a rather rural, depressed area. I can't imagine him making a living there. Thus, he really should try to make trips there to check on her a weekly event. He does not want to do this because he does not want to drive his old van more than necessary and I don't want to make my car available to him every single weekend.

I think he's going to have to be there more often and he's going to make at least half of those trips on his own. I think he should definitely be there for her every week for a day or two to manage things.

Seasonal Conflicts

What will I be doing for Thankgiving and Xmas? I have no idea.

Years ago, when the older generation gave up hosting the various holiday gatherings, the younger generation of my family let it drop like the garter at a wedding. No takers. Which is fine except that now, every year, I can't make holiday plans until the last minute because I worry about my mother spending the holidays alone. She sometimes gets an invitation from my uncle or my brother to join in in-laws family gatherings. She will not commit on her own plans until the last minute. This also prevents me from making reservations at a nice restaurant, joining friends holidays, etc. in advance. Monster's family gatherings depress him and all of them live at least a four-hour trip away so he'd rather not make plans in that direction.

Last year all holiday plans were made null by Monster having a stroke on Thanksgiving. He is almost completely recovered now, with hardly any sign of the events that nearly ended his time here.

Now, my mother is having elective back surgery on Thursday and she's not given me information on any useful details. Details like when her surgery is scheduled, at what hospital, who or what entity she has for after care, if any. I believe she likes to test me. I work at a job that is a 45 minute to hour drive away from her, for a company too small for ample vacation time or sick leave. I could schedule time off at my own cost if I knew well in advance so they could schedule the work to accommodate for my absence.

kick us out of the gene pool

Warning:
If you are looking for an amusing stories and good news, skip this post.
If you want to feel better about your life, by contrast, read on.


Spoke with my mother this weekend with little to say about the house until after we take possession.
The news from her end was good and bad. Mostly bad, as that is my mother's way.
Now you see where I get it from.

The good:
The new Tempur-Pedic mattress my mother bought is fantastic. She says she slept more last week than she did the last month, and she can do something she hadn't been able to do since her knee surgery - lie on her stomach.

The bad:
In a nutshell, with exception of my brother's family, all of the next generation is going down in flames.

My thug cousin sons are by age: #1 son is selling weed for a living (though he works in the service industry where that sort of thing seems standard to fill in gaps income), #2 son has dropped out of highschool, still carries a lot of anger against his mother, and is (surprise!!) a pothead, #3 son is most likely going to follow his older brothers example and truly shows no interest in girls - probably will not be carrying on the proud family name.

Another cousin's oldest daughter has been diagnosed with an unidentified mass on her brain last week. She's still in the hospital undergoing tests. I hope it is something treatable. She and her younger sister have taken up smoking. At best, maybe this crisis will motivate them to take care of their health and question their immortality.

Another cousin's teenage son has opted to live with his ex-convict mother and no longer communicates with his father. Apparently all ties are being cut by his choice.

The list just goes on and on. Monster says my family is starting to make his look almost normal.