Stress

Not a good week for internet, tv, or radio. I think I need to put myself into a media blackout until next week is over. Not just because I have no mother for the first time this coming Mother's Day weekend (she blew me off for the last two years of her life to have dinner with friends) but I feel like I am further disconnected from all the Mothers in family and friends this year. Every add is Mother's day. Every commercial website has a huge Mother's Day banner featuring gifts for the woman in honor or photos of fun gatherings of family.

I expect a good general media black-out of a week to improve my overall view of humanity as well. The world is so much better first-hand than it is at a distance. My ever-changing work schedule is causing me a great deal of anxiety this week as well. Social anxiety is hitting me more than usual as well when I have to speak with other humans in formal conversations over the phone. There are job interviews I want to try to get into but my schedule makes it nearly impossible with this dance I am trying so hard to do to stay active and employed at low-paying gigs that do not pay enough to support anyone. It's pocket change for my car and phone and nothing more.

I need new underwear. I need new glasses.

On top of that, I got news yesterday that my condo in Atlanta is now infested with what is probably bed-bugs that came in luggage from a business trip. I have my people (real estate agent & manager) on it. They've tried two exterminator visits from Orkin without success and now are trying diatomaceous earth.

Anniversaries

Today is the 11th aniversary of the death of my father, James Ray Perry. It is interesting that Mom died so close to the aniversary of his death.

My Mother Is Gone

At 4:00 pm on February 1, 2016, my mother breathed her last breath and her heart stopped shortly thereafter. She was in a hospital bed surrounded by family. It was a very hard end for her and everyone around her. It was her choice to go when she did the way she did it, by discontinuing her dialysis treatments. I still don't agree with her choice but it was her choice to make, not mine. She had been very unhappy for a long time.

Once again, everything in my life has stopped and must be rebooted all over again. But that's life, isn't it?

 Helen Loretta Crowe Perry during our last time together in October 2015

Here's some food for thought from other people:

from my good friend Jae Paul Harrison

A few weeks ago, I had dinner with some friends. The conversation flowed through many subjects — some hilarious, many frivolous, but also some substantive and, though discussed with a certain dark wit, markedly sad. All of us at the table had lost a parent, a couple of us just within the past year or so, and I mused at one point that I know (actually KNOW, not just am acquainted with) a full dozen people who had a parent die in 2015.

I know this is the circle of life (or whatever sugarcoated Disney metaphor one prefers), but I can say now with an authority conferred by personal experience, anectodal evidence, and overwhelming proof than no one is every really ready to be orphaned, even if only partially.

Today, a dear friend's mother passed away, making my friend the 16th person I know to lose a parent since I lost my dad last January. Yes, since that dinner just a few weeks ago, 4 more of my friends have been left to make arrangements and find inner reserves of grace they didn't know they had to weather the kind support and helplessness their friends display at these awful moments of grief. We all stand by, hoping that there is something that we can offer, knowing that there really isn't. Comfort comes only with time, and it takes a lot more of that than you might expect if you haven't been through it.

A friend of mine who lost his father shockingly and unexpectedly when my friend was not yet 30 years old told me that he always checks back with the bereaved after 6 months or so because "by then, everyone else has forgotten and moved on, but that's when it really hits you that you never get to have a conversation with your dad ever again, and that's when you feel most alone." In a book by Christopher Buckley, I read, "You don't remember who shows up, but you definitely remember who doesn't."

I don't know where I'm going with this except that my friend lost her mother today. I want better words than "I'm sorry for your loss." I want something more tangible to offer than yet another question for my friend to answer when I ask, as everyone she knows will ask, "Is there anything I can do for you?" I want somehow to ease what cannot be eased and to shine light I do not have into a darkness that I haven't found my way out of even yet.

But all I have is this concern, this compassion, this empathy, and this wish that we didn't have this thing in common.

For all of you who have walked this year with me, carrying your own sorrow for your own losses, you were in my prayers at your freshest loss, and you are still in my prayers.

Always Go To The Funeral
by DEIRDRE SULLIVAN
August 08, 2005
I believe in always going to the funeral. My father taught me that.
The first time he said it directly to me, I was 16 and trying to get out of going to calling hours for Miss Emerson, my old fifth grade math teacher. I did not want to go. My father was unequivocal. "Dee," he said, “you’re going. Always go to the funeral. Do it for the family.”
So my dad waited outside while I went in. It was worse than I thought it would be: I was the only kid there. When the condolence line deposited me in front of Miss Emerson's shell-shocked parents, I stammered out, "Sorry about all this," and stalked away. But, for that deeply weird expression of sympathy delivered 20 years ago, Miss Emerson's mother still remembers my name and always says hello with tearing eyes.
That was the first time I went un-chaperoned, but my parents had been taking us kids to funerals and calling hours as a matter of course for years. By the time I was 16, I had been to five or six funerals. I remember two things from the funeral circuit: bottomless dishes of free mints and my father saying on the ride home, "You can't come in without going out, kids. Always go to the funeral."
Sounds simple — when someone dies, get in your car and go to calling hours or the funeral. That, I can do. But I think a personal philosophy of going to funerals means more than that.
"Always go to the funeral" means that I have to do the right thing when I really, really don't feel like it. I have to remind myself of it when I could make some small gesture, but I don't really have to and I definitely don't want to. I'm talking about those things that represent only inconvenience to me, but the world to the other guy. You know, the painfully under-attended birthday party. The hospital visit during happy hour. The Shiva call for one of my ex's uncles. In my humdrum life, the daily battle hasn't been good versus evil. It's hardly so epic. Most days, my real battle is doing good versus doing nothing.
In going to funerals, I've come to believe that while I wait to make a grand heroic gesture, I should just stick to the small inconveniences that let me share in life's inevitable, occasional calamity.
On a cold April night three years ago, my father died a quiet death from cancer. His funeral was on a Wednesday, middle of the workweek. I had been numb for days when, for some reason, during the funeral, I turned and looked back at the folks in the church. The memory of it still takes my breath away. The most human, powerful and humbling thing I've ever seen was a church at 3:00 on a Wednesday full of inconvenienced people who believe in going to the funeral.

Mother

This photo was taken last October while she was still recovering from a fall.

 

She was still wearing the arm sling although her doctor told her that she did not need it anymore. It made her arm feel better and made her feel, somehow, more secure. 

Her final decision

We were already planning to drive down to Georgia early Saturday morning to visit my mother. I got a call from my sister-in-law last night to say that my mother had decided to discontinue her treatments again and wanted pain medication above all else. This meant the medication alone might kill her. My sister-in-law said Mom might not make it through the night on the meds and will probably be only semi-conscious from this point on. She phrased it as I should probably be there last night but, since everyone thinks that travel on icy roads at night might be dangerous,  I should come down today rather than Saturday.

I emailed work to explain that I would not be in today and why, briefly. Got an affirmative response from my manager, who said he completely understood.

I am packing as much as I might need to wear. MonsterMustDie started complaining about me bringing too many things and not wanting to bring clothes for a funeral. I told him the future is uncertain and that, if he didn't want my stuff filling up his car on the drive down to my mother's house, I would just make the trip alone. Looks like he's relented and will be coming down with me and my clothes today. I can leave everything I bring at my mother's house, spread out on her bed if we leave on Sunday morning. At least, if I don't need it immediately for an unplanned long stay there, I'll be more prepared. This is no longer a plan to make a fast visit in one day, like he wanted to do originally.

Mother

My sister-in-law phoned yesterday afternoon to let me know my mother was refusing to go to dialysis treatment.  She was complaining about not being able to sit up long enough for the 4-hours it takes because she is in too much pain from bed sores caused by rehab workers refusing to clean her properly. She has been in the new rehab center less than a week now. 

She spent just a couple of days at home after being released from  the hospital with my brother and uncle trying to  help her. The first night home was enough to convince everyone that she can't live there anymore. She really needs to be in assisted living and the last thing she wants to do is go to "a home." 

Last night was a meeting with her doctors and my brother and uncle. 

signal is silent

She is finally out of the hospital, only to spend a day at home before going to another rehab center. My brother and uncle were at her house the evening she came home and the two of them together were unable to care for her. My brother had to get back to work and can't be there for her.

My sister-in-law has taken the two dogs to a West Highland Terrier rescue group. My uncle is still not 100% back to normal health and now has unexplained fainting spells. I tried phoning my mother today but was only able to leave voicemails. My sister-in-law has told me the cell phone reception is very bad there and she does not have a landline phone in her room. I'll keep trying but I don't expect to get through.

It's almost a relief not to talk to her, to be honest, rather than hear her sobbing for the entire call. She just talks about how bad her doctors and nurses are and how nobody cares about her, including myself. I can't shake off the sorrow I feel every time I try to talk to her. My sister-in-law says a glass or two of merlot immediately afterwards helps.

Time

Tonight, I start a course of 12 of night classes that I purchased about a month ago for an introduction to AutoCAD. Seemed like something just common enough to find some work in around here and one of the few things I haven't specifically worked in before. The classes are twice a week, Tuesday and Thursdays, from 6PM to 9PM.

Last week, out of the blue, I went on two interviews that led to me being hired part part time at a local home decor retailer. My first day of training for the retail job starts tomorrow morning at 8:00 AM. They did not tell me how long the day would be. I assume I will be out by 5PM or earlier but that is unknown. I also don't know how many hours a week I get to start at.

I am hoping I can easily juggle both things for as long as all the classes I paid for last. I am also hoping the job goes well and that I might soon be brought on board full time. The future is uncertain but hopeful. As usual, I am extremely anxious about both. I want to do well at the job. It's the first retail place I've worked in many years and my self esteem in that area, or any new place, is low these days after not working for so long. None of my old activities before I left to care for my mother have returned so I am still trying to start over again.

Speaking of my mother, she is still in the hospital. Whenever I phone, all she does is cry. She says she is in constant pain that nothing can help. She worries about her two dogs and wants to be home with them. She says everyone has abandoned her. No one can physically visit her because she is in isolation again with contagious infections at the same hospital that made her sick to begin with so there is really nothing I can do for her other than call her on the phone often. It's really hard to take. She won't take her meds anymore and her mood swings go from constant crying to being angry at everyone who is trying to take care of her which, of course, makes it difficult for anyone to want to be around her for love or money.

Frozen

Weremonkey.com is still dead in the water. 1950.com has been reclaimed from the pirates but is on lock-down for the moment until everything is sorted out. Then, MonsterMustDie is hoping to sell his site, wishing he had quoted a much higher price for the domain name. I am just hoping to regain control of my site so that I can actually do something useful with it, like create a nice independent portfolio - and possible online shop - and a list of simple email addresses for very specific functions. So far, things are still frozen in process.

I hadn't heard from my mother since New Years Eve, when she sent me a text asking that I NOT phone her at midnight (a tradition in my family) because she planned to be asleep. I phoned a few days afterwards with no answer to my calls or voice mails. Wednesday, I finally spoke to her. She is once again in the hospital, on the 5th floor.

I wondered why my uncle or sister-in-law did not let me know she was back in the hospital or what was up. As it turns out, my uncle Ron is recovering from surgery and is incapacitated at the moment, having his own things to worry about. He recently had one knee replaced (the other knee needs to be done also) and this week, he's had surgery on his arm.

My sister-in-law is busy as well with a sick mother and husband. My brother is bedridden with double pneumonia and her mother is in the same hospital now, on the 4th floor with both pneumonia and a viral infection which was described as “like tuberculosis but not tuberculosis”. When I phoned my sister-in-law, she was busy cleaning her parents house - kitchen, floors, bathrooms, laundry, linens - in preparation for her mother being released from the hospital in a couple of days.

Oh, and my next door neighbor is still recovering from a health-crash over the holidays that resulted in pneumonia that set off multiple autoimmune disorders. Her doctors don't seem to know where to start with her because one cure sets off another problem so she is dealing with an avalanche of illnesses now. All caused by her own stressed-out body.


Meanwhile, all of our household is healthy. We are counting our blessings, knocking on wood, and crossing our fingers for a well winter.

The crazy continues

Spent this afternoon driving Mother around so she could move bank accounts. More of this will go on Wednesday because the last bank we went to was already closed for the day by the time we got there. I get the impression she trying to do all of this without my brother's knowledge despite the fact that he is her financial adviser and has right of attorney on all of her accounts. 

Meanwhile, it looks like I will be trapped here until Friday at this point. I am starting to feel anxiety constantly now. My heart races. I tense up everywhere and I can't speak. I'm starting to feel like I did when I was a child and I can't get over this irrational fear that I'm never getting out of here. 

The undoing

When I woke up this morning, the dogs were in the carport eagerly peeing and pooping. I immediately let the dogs back in and cleaned up all but the urine on the abandoned stationary bicycle (I get to that after breakfast, during her therapist visit) and put down fresh pee pads everywhere. I said nothing. She said she had to let them go indoors because it's raining outside and she doesn't want wet dogs. "This is what I'll have to do when you're gone." She then calls to cancel an appointment with a woman named Luanne, who was going to discuss coming in to assist her around the house, telling her she won't need her now that mother has permission from Dr. Starnes to drive. She doesn't want to pay anyone who has to work in 4-hour blocks of time rather than as needed, either. 

It seems like she's already punishing me for trying to go home this week. Everything is punctuated with "when you're gone". This makes me want to leave sooner than later. It's like everything wrong here will be my fault when I leave. *sigh* 

Update: 

Cleaned the rest of the spots in the carport. Although I won't call it truly clean, it is a lot cleaner than it was before I got here. There is still filth all along the edge of the walls but I have cleaned and wiped down surfaces and covered what I could on the floor. I cleaned out the second refrigerator in the garage and threw out ancient opened wine that had become expensive vinegar and strangely bloated and bent aluminum cans. There are still several bottles of sparkling wine left to an uncertain future and one spot of solid crystallized puddle on one door shelf that I have not yet been able to entirely remove. 

Early Saturday

Took mother in for an earlier-than-usual dialysis treatment today. Saturdays do occasionally start at different times than weekdays. My mother says that is the day when the techs sometimes like to have an early start and finish to their day, when doctors offices and other businesses are closed. Seems quite understandable to me. I am sure they like to have a larger block of personal time on the weekend. 

Wednesday

Time for a rant.

I spent most of the day at the dining table, surfing Facebook repeatedly while Mother watched the news, game shows and daily TV like The Chew. Her first appointment with the occupational therapist canceled on her because the therapist has a child in the hospital. The second appointment of the day phoned to reset the time a bit later in the day.  Most of the day was spent waiting on different things. After Mother's therapy,  we went out for pedicures.  Then we had dinner before going home. 

Over dinner,  she brought up the inevitable subject of extending my stay with her. She said it was supposed to rain later in the week and it would be too dangerous for me to go home in bad weather.  She said there's no one to take care of her after I go home. I reminded  her that I already have plans to resume my life after the 27th and that the rest of the family would be back by then. I also mentioned that uncle Ron was on the mend and already driving again.

We went back to the house and fed the dogs, I phoned MonsterMustDie while I walked them. When I got back inside she was on the phone with Ron. She turns to me after the phone saying Ron told her I "posted" that I was leaving.  I  told her I only emailed the family yesterday to remind them when I needed to go home - on October 27 (and what she needs so they can plan accordingly ). My uncle seems to think I should stay with my mother indefinitely  (permanently).

Apparently my life means nothing to anyone but me.

Poop

The first thing I did this morning was clean dog poop off the floor of my mother's bedroom. After cleaning poop off the living room and sun room floor in the morning previously, I have been trying to convince my mother that the dogs should crated at night. She insists on having them in the bed with her at night. Yesterday she said she would close the bedroom door at night to keep the from jumping down and pooping in the house. Now, the dogs will pee or poop in her room rather than waiting for their morning walk. I can't force her to crate the dogs at night. There's nothing I can do here to change how she chooses to live. 

I feel like I am only enabling her at this point. I am counting the days until I can leave. Sunday, Sandy chuckled "You thought High Point was bad but now I'll bet you can't wait to go home." She is so right about that. Just when I think my life has reached an all time low, it got worse. I want out of here! 

Dogs

Sunday afternoon is my once a week chance to go into Atlanta from Kennesaw. It's the one day when there are no appointments for therapists, doctors, or medical procedures for my mother. This week I went down to East Atlanta Village to visit Sandy while she volunteered at Dogtober Fest, working at the charity raffle table. Charlie joined us at the end of the event and the three of us got to hang out together for a little while at the Flatiron bar before I had to head back to feed and walk dogs. 

Woke up this morning at 5:00 a.m. to a dog announcing two spots of poop in the living room. I cleaned the floor and took them out for a walk. Then I put them in their crate for the rest of the night.  Normally, they spend the night sleeping in bed with my mother until she wakes up in the morning. 

Tyranny of the Calender

I spent this morning listening to my mother cancel appoinments that she could easily make today just because she doesn't feel like going in. These are appoinments that are much easier to do with me driving her everywhere, taking her to the door, then parking the car by myself and picking her up at the door later. 

Then I walked the dogs and returned phone calls outside, where I could have a private, uninterrupted conversation.  

Now, she has filled Friday, the same day she knows MonsterMustDie is driving down from North Carolina to visit me, with appoinments all day. He will have to chase us down or kill time elsewhere until late in the day. 

post weekend

We are back in North Carolina after another whirlwind trip to Atlanta. We stayed with friends in the old neighborhood again while we visited my mother and attended the wedding of friends.

Mother seems to be doing much better physically. She got two units of blood on Thursday and another two units on Friday. She also had her dialysis treatments in the hospital without any worries about transportation. By Sunday, her doctor had given her a lighter sling to keep her arm in rather than the tight, stiff one that held her arm so close to her  body.  She wants to go home. She is terrified of going back to the rehab center. She does not want to be in the hospital. She is having evening anxiety attacks every day now, which sounds like something I've heard described as "sundowning" in the past. She feels abandoned and under informed by her doctors.

All this, and my brother and sister-in-law have not yet told her about their trip to Italy. I told them she needs to know before they leave on the trip because I do not want to be the one who breaks the news to her and she needs to know that I'm planning to take care of her while they're out of the country. I got a voice mail from my uncle Ron while I was in the shower this morning. He sounded tired and concerned. The message is just "Give me a call back. I need to talk with you about your mother. I don't understand what's going on." He has knee surgery scheduled in the morning and I know she is very worried about it. I've left a voice mail reply. Then I phoned my sister-in-law. I haven't heard back from either of them yet.

In other news -

Nicky and Sean's wedding vow ceremony was beautiful, sweet, and funny. It was a huge collaboration of friends putting the event together in a very personal and creative way. Her family were able to be there and they are just as funny and sweet as she is. With the exception of the wedding party, the couple have cut out drinking and any other unhealthy habits and are actively trying to conceive their first child. I will look forward to future announcements/progress reports on that family project.

The End Of The World again... part 1

My life is once again on hold. Possibly over as I know it again, this time due to family situations.

It started last Thursday with a text from my sister-in-law: 

"Hi Jules. (my brother, my neice & her husband) and I are going to Itally Oct 16-26th. (My uncle) is having his knee operated on sometime in October. Your Mom does not know we are going so please don't tell her. She always gets sic when we go somewhere. With that said, can you come down and take you Mom to her doctor appointments and dialysis? I will need your help. Taking care of your Mom is wearing on me. I would appreciate it so much. "
"(My neice) said you can stay at her house...  in Brookhaven. You'll like it."

First, if I stayed at my niece's house that would imply I would have to vacate it immediately upon their return that night, making the 5 to 6-hour drive back by myself, exhausted. This is the only accomodation being offered. Fortunately, I asked my friends B&G in Buckhead if I could stay at their place a couple of weeks in October and they said I was welcome to, so that problem was immediately solved.

Me: "Phone me ASAP so we can discuss details."

Sister-In-Law:

"At concert with (niece). Call 2 morrow. " 

No phone call came the next day. I tried calling her with no answer. Then I got another text at 8:30 pm :

"Ok. (Uncle's) surgery for his knee is October 6th. Your Mom has to wear her sling 3 more weeks. Not sure if that means she has to stay in rehab or if she can go home. She is working on using her cane."

This means I would need to be in Georgia, taking care of my mother from October 6 through the end of the 26th at the earliest. I think I might as well stay through the end of the month and at least get to be around friends at Halloween, since now I will have no time to make Halloween plans for the house or other activities that I had wanted to plan (like a meet-the-neighbors pumpkin carving party).

Meanwhile, I have already turned down two possible temp jobs because I will be out of town. October is also the only time High Point NC is actually alive - during the autumn market week - so I can't look for any gigs during Market. I will not be able to free-lance without my computer, a fast WiFi connection, and all of my stuff (books, reference material, photo equipment, art supplies?) That also brings up the question of who is paying for this? No one expects to pay me anything for this. They just figure that because I have no full-time job, I have all the time in the world and no financial worries because MonsterMustDie is some sort of sugardaddy (He absolutely is not!). And yet, it is a task I can't say no to because there is absolutely no one who will be available or who wants to help my mother. I am not sure I can take care of her by myself.



... help ...

Labor Day Weekend

For Labor Day weekend, MonsterMustDie and I drove down to Georgia in his car to visit my mother. We were there just two days. We got into Atlanta on Friday and left very early Sunday morning because he wanted to have a day of relaxation before returning to work on Tuesday. As a result, it was the usual whirlwind tour, staying with friends in the old neighborhood. We did stop into IKEA on the way home for new white shelves to replace the white shelves we already have in the mud room. The logic of all this escapes me but it's his house, his money.

We were able to have dinner with Chaz and Sandra on Friday night when we got in and, of course, we enjoyed the Company of Mr. Bunny and C. while we stayed in their beautiful mid-century modern home. Saturday was spent with my mother, visiting her at the rehab she is having to live at while recovering from a broken arm. The visit went a lot better than I thought it would. She was thrilled to see us. We took her to and from her dialysis treatment that day as well, giving my brother and his wife a break so they could have some fun on saturday (probably attending a game or some other sports event). It was easy for the two of us to move her and get her to treatment on time but I can see how it would be difficult for just one small person like myself to do it. She was on her best behavior the entire day. The people working on her at the dialysis center were kind, smart, and patient. The rehab facility seemed to be a bit chaotic. She would love to get a shampoo and shower. The most she can do is a sponge bath every other day. There is no working shower or bath in her room. Showers are really out of the question now because she has the port in her chest again for dialysis because the broken arm is the same one that had the device implanted in it. The port must stay absolutely dry because of the high risk of infection.

Every other free moment was spent antique shopping by MonsterMustDie, who said he needed to shop every time we leave home to try to make the trip pay for itself.

Family Drama

Most of this week has been a series of phone calls to my sister-in-law and my mother. They are trying to coordinate her care and it has become apparent, as my mother's home is again so filthy that it is uninhabitable, she really needs more help physically with the day-to-day tasks like cleaning, laundry, cooking and - yes - driving. The two west highland terriers that my mother has need to be rehomed, preferably together. Part of the reason the house is in such a horrible state is because she can not walk them and they are no longer (if they ever were previously) house broken. Every bit of rug is urine stained again and the garage floor is covered in old newspaper and feces. The dogs have to go.

My sister-in-law has done the necessary research to find a Westie rescue group who can take them. Hopefully, the dogs can go to a much better place together - a place with a yard and/or with humans who can take them for walks and keep them groomed.

Meanwhile, my mother has phoned asking me to come to Kennesaw, Georgia, obviously leaving everything and MonsterMustDie behind to take care of her dogs for the remainder of the month she is in rehab and beyond. A house far away from anything and anyone that now would be even more isolated than here in High Point where I at least have internet service and working computers and WiFi. I have been thinking of how I could help her in a realistic method. The best I can come up with is to come down to her place, spend a couple of days at a time cleaning while staying somewhere else like a friend's place an hour away, and taking the dogs back to North Carolina with me. We have a house cat and no fence and the dogs are not house broken, so they would have to stay on leads in the back yard during the day and I could crate them in kennels at night. That might work out for them for a while. Maybe I could eventually housebreak them. Maybe we could eventually get some sort of pen or fence for the dogs to hang out in. My mother actually wants me to live with her in a sort of Grey Gardens scenario. Not going to happen. There is no way to make it work.

I phoned my sister-in-law to tell her about this. As it turns out, the idea to have me live with my mother came from my sister-in-law. I said she probably should have have thought that one through before she spoke.

Later, she phoned me back to say my brother finally spoke with my mother. That is a huge step for him. He really does not speak to anyone in the family and, according to his wife, has nearly as hard a time dealing with our mother as I do. He told her I could not move down to live in her house and the dogs needed to be rehomed. "You're probably out of the Will now, but we'll take care of you."

I phoned my mother last night to talk with her, dreading the conversation I was expecting.  Oddly enough, there was no mention of the dogs. She only talked about how awful the rehab facility was. Then she ended the conversation with "Take care of yourself." and hung up on me.
That went better than I thought it would.


UPDATE:
My uncle has now phoned my sister-in-law to say that the dogs must stay living with my mother. He is on board with her in the idea that I should be living alone with her in her flat to take care of the dogs indefinitely.  This can not happen but both of them will not accept that. This will be an interesting Labor Day weekend coming up. Now, she is keeping the dogs and the younger family members are expected to take care of her and the dogs at home.