Mother

This photo was taken last October while she was still recovering from a fall.

 

She was still wearing the arm sling although her doctor told her that she did not need it anymore. It made her arm feel better and made her feel, somehow, more secure. 

Her final decision

We were already planning to drive down to Georgia early Saturday morning to visit my mother. I got a call from my sister-in-law last night to say that my mother had decided to discontinue her treatments again and wanted pain medication above all else. This meant the medication alone might kill her. My sister-in-law said Mom might not make it through the night on the meds and will probably be only semi-conscious from this point on. She phrased it as I should probably be there last night but, since everyone thinks that travel on icy roads at night might be dangerous,  I should come down today rather than Saturday.

I emailed work to explain that I would not be in today and why, briefly. Got an affirmative response from my manager, who said he completely understood.

I am packing as much as I might need to wear. MonsterMustDie started complaining about me bringing too many things and not wanting to bring clothes for a funeral. I told him the future is uncertain and that, if he didn't want my stuff filling up his car on the drive down to my mother's house, I would just make the trip alone. Looks like he's relented and will be coming down with me and my clothes today. I can leave everything I bring at my mother's house, spread out on her bed if we leave on Sunday morning. At least, if I don't need it immediately for an unplanned long stay there, I'll be more prepared. This is no longer a plan to make a fast visit in one day, like he wanted to do originally.

Mother

My sister-in-law phoned yesterday afternoon to let me know my mother was refusing to go to dialysis treatment.  She was complaining about not being able to sit up long enough for the 4-hours it takes because she is in too much pain from bed sores caused by rehab workers refusing to clean her properly. She has been in the new rehab center less than a week now. 

She spent just a couple of days at home after being released from  the hospital with my brother and uncle trying to  help her. The first night home was enough to convince everyone that she can't live there anymore. She really needs to be in assisted living and the last thing she wants to do is go to "a home." 

Last night was a meeting with her doctors and my brother and uncle. 

signal is silent

She is finally out of the hospital, only to spend a day at home before going to another rehab center. My brother and uncle were at her house the evening she came home and the two of them together were unable to care for her. My brother had to get back to work and can't be there for her.

My sister-in-law has taken the two dogs to a West Highland Terrier rescue group. My uncle is still not 100% back to normal health and now has unexplained fainting spells. I tried phoning my mother today but was only able to leave voicemails. My sister-in-law has told me the cell phone reception is very bad there and she does not have a landline phone in her room. I'll keep trying but I don't expect to get through.

It's almost a relief not to talk to her, to be honest, rather than hear her sobbing for the entire call. She just talks about how bad her doctors and nurses are and how nobody cares about her, including myself. I can't shake off the sorrow I feel every time I try to talk to her. My sister-in-law says a glass or two of merlot immediately afterwards helps.

Time

Tonight, I start a course of 12 of night classes that I purchased about a month ago for an introduction to AutoCAD. Seemed like something just common enough to find some work in around here and one of the few things I haven't specifically worked in before. The classes are twice a week, Tuesday and Thursdays, from 6PM to 9PM.

Last week, out of the blue, I went on two interviews that led to me being hired part part time at a local home decor retailer. My first day of training for the retail job starts tomorrow morning at 8:00 AM. They did not tell me how long the day would be. I assume I will be out by 5PM or earlier but that is unknown. I also don't know how many hours a week I get to start at.

I am hoping I can easily juggle both things for as long as all the classes I paid for last. I am also hoping the job goes well and that I might soon be brought on board full time. The future is uncertain but hopeful. As usual, I am extremely anxious about both. I want to do well at the job. It's the first retail place I've worked in many years and my self esteem in that area, or any new place, is low these days after not working for so long. None of my old activities before I left to care for my mother have returned so I am still trying to start over again.

Speaking of my mother, she is still in the hospital. Whenever I phone, all she does is cry. She says she is in constant pain that nothing can help. She worries about her two dogs and wants to be home with them. She says everyone has abandoned her. No one can physically visit her because she is in isolation again with contagious infections at the same hospital that made her sick to begin with so there is really nothing I can do for her other than call her on the phone often. It's really hard to take. She won't take her meds anymore and her mood swings go from constant crying to being angry at everyone who is trying to take care of her which, of course, makes it difficult for anyone to want to be around her for love or money.

sleepless

I'm up early, after getting out of bed 1st at 3:00am-ish to check on MonsterMustDie, who was sleeping on the sofa, and 2nd at 5:00am after being kept awake by the rain that is now slowing down. It has been a bad couple of weeks for MonsterMustDie and his mother, who is an Alzheimer's patient. When she moved into a managed care facility a few weeks ago, she appeared to be very over-medicated when he and his cousin visited her. Then she got worse in days and was stumbling, falling, and incoherent. They had asked for anti-depressants for her at the residence. Things were suggested to her personal physician who, not to be ordered around, prescribed something completely different. As it turns out, her doctor in Alabama prescribed drugs that have actually sped the Alzheimer's disease progression. She is at a medical facility now that is doing a study of her, and while she is awake more often now, the damage the drug did to her was described as setting her brain on fire. She will have to go into nursing home when she leaves the medical facility. They do not expect any improvement at this point.

The stress is getting to him. Stress trying to remotely care for his mother, with the help of his cousin. Stress from his job ending and waiting for a new job to begin, though that situation is going very well - his previous boss from the current job will be hiring him and another co-worker at the company that he's moved to - meanwhile, he has to keep dealing with helping the people firing them with managing and moving the warehouse and what is left of the Atlanta showroom to NJ and NY respectively. Stress from me being out of work for over two years without any unemployment benefits. It seems like it would be a perfect time for him to move back to Alabama but that is not what he wants to do. He is staying here and waiting for things to work themselves out.