my medical schedule is looking geriatric

I had my first mammogram since 2018 last Tuesday. Late this afternoon, I got a call from Atrium. They want me to have a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound as soon as possible. To satisfy work RTO requirements, the soonest I can make an appointment for that is March 4. Hopefully, they will approve that at work so I don't have to lie and call in "sick". I already put in RTO requests in for both days. After everyone refusing to see me even for well-checks without full insurance since I lost my last full-time job during the Covid shut-down, I'm finally getting the tests I should have been having annually for the last four years. My regular doctor still doesn't have time for my Welcome-To-Medicare checkup until May 13. I am still trying to figure out what's going on with my back and side, other than routine sciatica pain. It has been going on since April 13, when I woke up and could not even tie my shoes, and X-ray and MRI tests say there is nothing wrong with me. It is a lot better but it is still bad enough to prevent me from traveling far in a car or being able to sit down too long at my desk; although when it first started, I could not bear to drive or sit upright at all. So, I've gotten much better all by myself but I really need my fully-functioning life back. I have one more orthopedic appointment on March 6 - I think this will be the last one I make for my back.

Winter Solstice 2023

MonsterMustDie had his first oncologist appointment in the afternoon. We waited 45 minutes for a 5 minute visit. The doctor came in, gave us a limp handshake, and simply said he was ordering a PET scan and he would see him again in three weeks if the scan was done and he had results to look at. His cancer is rated at Gleason 8 and PSA level 7.  

We had friends and neighbors at the house for Winter Solstice in the evening. Michael and Marcia could not come because Michael's back in chemo for #5-leukemia. 

Bob & Karen came and were a huge help in layout and cleanup for the gathering. 

My brother Jeffery and sister-in-law Robyn came all the way from Charlottesville, Virginia to be with us that night. They stayed at the Adams Inn on my recommendation and we had breakfast with them this morning before they headed back home. 

When we got home and were coming in, the PET lab called and set up his appointment for the afternoon of January 3. It was good to get that on the schedule and be one step closer to dealing with this health crisis in whatever way we need to. 

I worked the afternoon at the dress shop. I almost forgot to go. I lost track of the days and my schedule. I made it back home from work by 6:33pm to find MonsterMustDie already in bed for the night.  

Another UTI?

 I have UTI symptoms again this morning. I decided to take one of the leftover Nitrofurantoin capsules I had from the last UTI before they switched me to Ciprofloxacin. I hope these leftover antibiotics are enough to knock it out this early in the infection. I'm also wondering what is causing this and if this is just the last infection was not completely clear when they took me off antibiotics last time. 

sick again

 Woke up with a UTI that hurts so bad my arms and legs feel weak from the pain overload. Definitely not going to able to work tonight, which involves standing for hours. I called out for today and tomorrow morning. I called the closest UrgentCare clinic and was able to get a 2:20pm appointment. I arrived at 2:00, filled out paperwork, and waited. They were able to see me at 3:35pm. Once I got in, the nurse and PA were both very nice. I got a new prescription for Macrobid. Tonight, I'm already feeling better, not because of the Macrobid but because of the emergency CIPRO in my stash that I took while waiting to be seen by a medical professional. Thank heavens for that stash! I'll start the new antibiotics tomorrow morning and hope for the best possible recovery.

I don't know what brought this infection on this time. The questionable sushi I got a couple of days ago from MonsterMustDie, who had the best intentions bringing it home from me? I had a belly ache that night and the next day. The sake he also brought me that I had last night? Too many probiotics? I need to figure this out.

another UTI

Woke up at 2:30 a.m. with another horrible UTI, probably from the infection I had last month that was never completely cleared, no thanks to my regular doctor's office. MonsterMustDie drove me to the local emergency room for a positive test and thankfully, my insurance was still active so it only cost me $500.00 (I dread to think what something like this will cost with no insurance). Thanks to the kind staff and young Dr. Patel for helping me accurately and quickly. My Walgreens helped with the cost of the antibiotics and now I'm once again on the road to recovery.

This has been a strange sad week. Lost my full-time job last week. 

Planned a trip to Chicago this week with friend to visit her mom. 

Then my sister-in-law's father, who has been ill for a very long time, passed away early Sunday morning. I cancelled the plans for the Chicago trip and started making new plans to drive down to Atlanta for the funeral and MonsterMustDie took his suit to the drycleaners (which he should have done last time he wore it). 

My sister-in-law asked us not to come to the funeral. She just repeated several times how the long drive wasn't worth it and it was going to be a small brief memorial - about 30 minutes.

On the upside, maybe everything does happen for a reason. 

My friend decided to postpone her trip to Chicago to next week so we can go together and she doesn't have to make such a long drive alone. 

It probably would have been much worse if I had come down with this infection while I was away from home. The money I would have spent on travel and flowers and cat-sitter, etc. for the funeral trip was used for medical bills. Looks like the universe has taken care of me again.

Cat Burglar

Today at work,  several people said I look like a cat burglar in my black knit cap and turtleneck.  I haven't been able to wash my hair in the shower since my surgery last Tuesday so I'm finding different ways to cover my greasy head.
They taped me shut with a small gauze pad at the top that I can't get wet.  Today is my postoperative consultation and I hope I get a more solid schedule on my postoperative care.

Update: The doctor removed my tape and gauze bandage, revealing just stitches and glue... with a few shreds of the gauze attached. He said I can stop babying the wound now and take a shower without fear of getting the surgical site wet.

Early Saturday

Took mother in for an earlier-than-usual dialysis treatment today. Saturdays do occasionally start at different times than weekdays. My mother says that is the day when the techs sometimes like to have an early start and finish to their day, when doctors offices and other businesses are closed. Seems quite understandable to me. I am sure they like to have a larger block of personal time on the weekend. 

post weekend

We are back in North Carolina after another whirlwind trip to Atlanta. We stayed with friends in the old neighborhood again while we visited my mother and attended the wedding of friends.

Mother seems to be doing much better physically. She got two units of blood on Thursday and another two units on Friday. She also had her dialysis treatments in the hospital without any worries about transportation. By Sunday, her doctor had given her a lighter sling to keep her arm in rather than the tight, stiff one that held her arm so close to her  body.  She wants to go home. She is terrified of going back to the rehab center. She does not want to be in the hospital. She is having evening anxiety attacks every day now, which sounds like something I've heard described as "sundowning" in the past. She feels abandoned and under informed by her doctors.

All this, and my brother and sister-in-law have not yet told her about their trip to Italy. I told them she needs to know before they leave on the trip because I do not want to be the one who breaks the news to her and she needs to know that I'm planning to take care of her while they're out of the country. I got a voice mail from my uncle Ron while I was in the shower this morning. He sounded tired and concerned. The message is just "Give me a call back. I need to talk with you about your mother. I don't understand what's going on." He has knee surgery scheduled in the morning and I know she is very worried about it. I've left a voice mail reply. Then I phoned my sister-in-law. I haven't heard back from either of them yet.

In other news -

Nicky and Sean's wedding vow ceremony was beautiful, sweet, and funny. It was a huge collaboration of friends putting the event together in a very personal and creative way. Her family were able to be there and they are just as funny and sweet as she is. With the exception of the wedding party, the couple have cut out drinking and any other unhealthy habits and are actively trying to conceive their first child. I will look forward to future announcements/progress reports on that family project.

The End Of The World again... part 1

My life is once again on hold. Possibly over as I know it again, this time due to family situations.

It started last Thursday with a text from my sister-in-law: 

"Hi Jules. (my brother, my neice & her husband) and I are going to Itally Oct 16-26th. (My uncle) is having his knee operated on sometime in October. Your Mom does not know we are going so please don't tell her. She always gets sic when we go somewhere. With that said, can you come down and take you Mom to her doctor appointments and dialysis? I will need your help. Taking care of your Mom is wearing on me. I would appreciate it so much. "
"(My neice) said you can stay at her house...  in Brookhaven. You'll like it."

First, if I stayed at my niece's house that would imply I would have to vacate it immediately upon their return that night, making the 5 to 6-hour drive back by myself, exhausted. This is the only accomodation being offered. Fortunately, I asked my friends B&G in Buckhead if I could stay at their place a couple of weeks in October and they said I was welcome to, so that problem was immediately solved.

Me: "Phone me ASAP so we can discuss details."

Sister-In-Law:

"At concert with (niece). Call 2 morrow. " 

No phone call came the next day. I tried calling her with no answer. Then I got another text at 8:30 pm :

"Ok. (Uncle's) surgery for his knee is October 6th. Your Mom has to wear her sling 3 more weeks. Not sure if that means she has to stay in rehab or if she can go home. She is working on using her cane."

This means I would need to be in Georgia, taking care of my mother from October 6 through the end of the 26th at the earliest. I think I might as well stay through the end of the month and at least get to be around friends at Halloween, since now I will have no time to make Halloween plans for the house or other activities that I had wanted to plan (like a meet-the-neighbors pumpkin carving party).

Meanwhile, I have already turned down two possible temp jobs because I will be out of town. October is also the only time High Point NC is actually alive - during the autumn market week - so I can't look for any gigs during Market. I will not be able to free-lance without my computer, a fast WiFi connection, and all of my stuff (books, reference material, photo equipment, art supplies?) That also brings up the question of who is paying for this? No one expects to pay me anything for this. They just figure that because I have no full-time job, I have all the time in the world and no financial worries because MonsterMustDie is some sort of sugardaddy (He absolutely is not!). And yet, it is a task I can't say no to because there is absolutely no one who will be available or who wants to help my mother. I am not sure I can take care of her by myself.



... help ...

Labor Day Weekend

For Labor Day weekend, MonsterMustDie and I drove down to Georgia in his car to visit my mother. We were there just two days. We got into Atlanta on Friday and left very early Sunday morning because he wanted to have a day of relaxation before returning to work on Tuesday. As a result, it was the usual whirlwind tour, staying with friends in the old neighborhood. We did stop into IKEA on the way home for new white shelves to replace the white shelves we already have in the mud room. The logic of all this escapes me but it's his house, his money.

We were able to have dinner with Chaz and Sandra on Friday night when we got in and, of course, we enjoyed the Company of Mr. Bunny and C. while we stayed in their beautiful mid-century modern home. Saturday was spent with my mother, visiting her at the rehab she is having to live at while recovering from a broken arm. The visit went a lot better than I thought it would. She was thrilled to see us. We took her to and from her dialysis treatment that day as well, giving my brother and his wife a break so they could have some fun on saturday (probably attending a game or some other sports event). It was easy for the two of us to move her and get her to treatment on time but I can see how it would be difficult for just one small person like myself to do it. She was on her best behavior the entire day. The people working on her at the dialysis center were kind, smart, and patient. The rehab facility seemed to be a bit chaotic. She would love to get a shampoo and shower. The most she can do is a sponge bath every other day. There is no working shower or bath in her room. Showers are really out of the question now because she has the port in her chest again for dialysis because the broken arm is the same one that had the device implanted in it. The port must stay absolutely dry because of the high risk of infection.

Every other free moment was spent antique shopping by MonsterMustDie, who said he needed to shop every time we leave home to try to make the trip pay for itself.

Family Drama

Most of this week has been a series of phone calls to my sister-in-law and my mother. They are trying to coordinate her care and it has become apparent, as my mother's home is again so filthy that it is uninhabitable, she really needs more help physically with the day-to-day tasks like cleaning, laundry, cooking and - yes - driving. The two west highland terriers that my mother has need to be rehomed, preferably together. Part of the reason the house is in such a horrible state is because she can not walk them and they are no longer (if they ever were previously) house broken. Every bit of rug is urine stained again and the garage floor is covered in old newspaper and feces. The dogs have to go.

My sister-in-law has done the necessary research to find a Westie rescue group who can take them. Hopefully, the dogs can go to a much better place together - a place with a yard and/or with humans who can take them for walks and keep them groomed.

Meanwhile, my mother has phoned asking me to come to Kennesaw, Georgia, obviously leaving everything and MonsterMustDie behind to take care of her dogs for the remainder of the month she is in rehab and beyond. A house far away from anything and anyone that now would be even more isolated than here in High Point where I at least have internet service and working computers and WiFi. I have been thinking of how I could help her in a realistic method. The best I can come up with is to come down to her place, spend a couple of days at a time cleaning while staying somewhere else like a friend's place an hour away, and taking the dogs back to North Carolina with me. We have a house cat and no fence and the dogs are not house broken, so they would have to stay on leads in the back yard during the day and I could crate them in kennels at night. That might work out for them for a while. Maybe I could eventually housebreak them. Maybe we could eventually get some sort of pen or fence for the dogs to hang out in. My mother actually wants me to live with her in a sort of Grey Gardens scenario. Not going to happen. There is no way to make it work.

I phoned my sister-in-law to tell her about this. As it turns out, the idea to have me live with my mother came from my sister-in-law. I said she probably should have have thought that one through before she spoke.

Later, she phoned me back to say my brother finally spoke with my mother. That is a huge step for him. He really does not speak to anyone in the family and, according to his wife, has nearly as hard a time dealing with our mother as I do. He told her I could not move down to live in her house and the dogs needed to be rehomed. "You're probably out of the Will now, but we'll take care of you."

I phoned my mother last night to talk with her, dreading the conversation I was expecting.  Oddly enough, there was no mention of the dogs. She only talked about how awful the rehab facility was. Then she ended the conversation with "Take care of yourself." and hung up on me.
That went better than I thought it would.


UPDATE:
My uncle has now phoned my sister-in-law to say that the dogs must stay living with my mother. He is on board with her in the idea that I should be living alone with her in her flat to take care of the dogs indefinitely.  This can not happen but both of them will not accept that. This will be an interesting Labor Day weekend coming up. Now, she is keeping the dogs and the younger family members are expected to take care of her and the dogs at home.

Elder Abuse By Corporate America

We need to visit my mother, who is in rehab with a broken arm for the next 20 days. My sister-in-law tried to choose the facility she is in very carefully but what they said and what they actually do are two different things.

I think litigation is already in order for the rehab center she's in. The main reason they chose the facility is because they were informed that the center would absolutely take her to all of her dialysis treatments and nearby doctor appointments. As soon as contracts were signed - the next day when she was in there - they informed the family that they will no longer offer those services. Sounds like the typical scam on the elderly patients, where they assume people will die before they can complain or take the company to task for a broken contract.

Now, my uncle, who is just a few years younger than my mother, is the only one who can take her to dialysis treatments. She is hoping her doctors can make visits to the rehab center.  My cousin tells me the place is unsanitary and ugly. They were supposed to have complete laundry services for all patients but my sister-in-law has to do all of my mother's laundry now. On top of all that, when I spoke with my mother last night, she tearfully told me that she has not had a bath or shower all week. - not even a bed bath.