Happy Birthday to Chaz and Gretch this week.

followed by a pretty bad weekend

My maternal grandmother passed away a couple of weeks ago. This coupled with a supeona I'd been served on another frivolous lawsuit from my downstairs neighbor meant I missed her funeral. I raced out of the courtroom after the case was thrown out (like every other one he's made) and made it to the graveside ceremony.

That was also the weekend that they decided to take my father off his drug program entirely and switch to traditional chemo, which he actually started this week. So far, he's doing well with it except for the usual fatigue. I noticed a good bit of swelling in his face when I visited last Sunday. We sat in the living room of my parents house, my dad napping on the porch, and divided up what small trinkets my grandmother had saved over the years. I knew she'd thrown away most of her letters, but there were a few prized correspondences and photos she'd saved over the years - one from her favorite brother about my mother's birth.

One mysterious letter that I believe was from her first fiance. It was written before my grandparents were married. I remembered the story she told me years ago, of how she and my grandfather ended up together. She loved a boy who was grandfather's best friend, who died of pnuemonia. They were both broken hearted at his death and brought together by it. It's the only person I can imagine the impassioned old letter being from.

My uncle handed me a small jewelry box and said I should take it home - that it was in nearly new shape and too good to toss. I picked a few key pieces of her costume jewelry to keep and put those in the box, along with a pair of green dress gloves like the kind she'd wear Sundays and holidays. The box has little black hairs in it that are obviously from one of her dogs but otherwise looks perfectly clean.

fairly good weekend

Went to both DragonCon and Drive Invasion on Saturday. Hung out with friends all day but didn't feel I did enough with either.

Nursed a headache for three days straight as well. No idea what brought that on. Slept most of Sunday and Monday. Headache was still with me Tuesday morning at work and finally left me alone that afternoon. Must have been the chalupa and hot salsa my boss brought me for lunch. I need more peppers in my life.

Now I'm healing from the fat lip I gave myself at lunch on Friday, eating hot tofu too fast. I can't seem to avoid biting myself sometimes and yet I'm always surprised that I've done it again.

SHAUN OF THE DEAD

A smash hit in the U.K., this "rom zom com" (romantic zombie comedy) follows the bloody funny adventures of underachiever Shaun (co-writer Simon Pegg) and his best mate Ed (Nick Frost) as they cope with a zombie invasion of North London. The two losers grab whatever is at hand (cricket bat, shovel, LP) to repel the attacking zombies, summoning reserves of strength they didn't know they possessed and straining muscles they forgot they had. Rounding up friends and family, and pressing on towards the sanctuary of a local pub, all that stands (or lopes) in their way are hordes of the flesh-eating undead.

In other news

My grandmother seems to have pulled through this latest crisis but is now residing in a nursing home for the rest of her days. My mother and uncle take shifts visiting her and she so doesn't want to be there but this is what her life has come to.

Mother is too emotional these days to talk to on the phone much. I went to see her and my dad briefly on Sunday while she was cooking lunch before he had to leave for another doctor's appointment in Houston this week.

My cousin had a baby boy, named Robert James, last week. Her sister is still on bed rest with twin girls, Autumn and Amber (according to my mother) that still have a good bit longer to go before making their entrance into this world.

I feel fine but

For the last couple of days I've been a bit shakey and weak. Kinda light headed. Otherwise I feel perfectly fine - no fevers - no aches or pains - no vertigo - just really rattled and running on vapors. Eating fine. Sleeping okay.

Perhaps my body is fighting off some very very small bug and this is all I have to show for it.

Not complaining too much - just want to be back to normal soon.

Adjusting to Loss

I just got off the phone with someone I know who is a carpenter. Kinda morbid conversation - he lost his thumb working last week and wants to see old photos I have of him with his thumb. He is longing for it. And I do have some very good photos of both of his hands.

And yet he says he isn't really depressed about it yet though his doctor assures him that depression over it will definitely come. I hope he manages that part of his recovery and adjustment to life as an amputee. I remember how depression over a much worse disability ended the life of one of my best friends years ago. He is a strong man who accepts that life always includes pain and sorrow and decline - that it is our attitude about it and action in response to it that makes all the difference. I think that acceptance will shield him from a lot of the rougher edges.

fading lights

My grandmother Crowe is still in ICU. Mother and my oldest uncle are at her side as much as they can.

On the other side of things, babies are sprouting everywhere. I've been looking forward to the baby welcome party for Deb and Kev on Sunday. I also got a baby shower invitation from one cousin this week, I think for the same day. That cousin's sister is due to have her baby this Friday, if it doesn't come sooner. Urghh... D&K or my cousin. Normally family would come first with no hesitation, but my family is so very not in touch with me and this same cousin did not invite me to her last baby shower twelve years ago. D&K's gathering will be happy, loving people that I see fairly often and I am dying to see their new baby daughter. I guess this all depends on hourly schedule and whether I make it out to go shopping for shower gifts this week.

And in the end, everything hangs on my grandmother's future.

gray state

Monster is in town for flea markets and just hanging out. There are voices of ghosts from the past in the electrical ether.

My mother phoned last night to tell me that they'd had to put my remaining grandmother - the one I love and am close to - in ICU the previous evening. No information on what's wrong exactly, only my mother's frustration at what she perceives to be the doctors' complete disinterest in treating or diagnosing my grandmother, who turned 90 in June. Of course, all family information is rationed out through a distorted filter most of the time, so all I can do is wait for the next call. There are no visitors for her other than my mother and uncles for the time being. My mother tells me that my grandmother is too out of it to really communicate or notice anyone now, even if they did visit her.

This year is turning into quite a season of death.

Overslept. Broke. Too much Sake.

I over slept this morning. After having a really bad headache night before and taking and exedrinePM, I was laying in bed all comfortable and quiet and then I realized the sun was coming in - and it wasn't Saturday! The alarm was on but either I had managed to sleep completely through it or the thunderstorm last night knocked it out. Anyway I frantically got ready for work as quickly as possible and headed out. My boss was very cool about it, thankfully, and just thanked me for calling in while I was on my way there.

I didn't get a paycheck today. Apparently this is a company that pays bi-weekly so I am cash poor this week in a big way.

Went out with the boy next door and spent twice as much as I 'd budgeted for dinner. Jeepers! Those guys drink a lot of sake. Naturally, since the whole table was going in on it, I shared equally in what they ordered. I am a bit hazey tonight. The colors are not as brilliant as they usually are but its all warm and cozy here at least.

very tired

This weekend was very busy - in a good way. Went to Chattanooga with Monster on Saturday and spent most of the day shopping for antiques. Also saw a fantastic storm - the kind that's so heavy you can't see the other side of the parking lot. And we still had time to go to the Aquarium before heading back to Atlanta.

Sunday was Joy's birthday party, organized by her loving husband and filled with tons of great food, drink and friends.

Monday after work, we made it to the Variety Playhouse to see The Finn Brothers. Good music show. They've aged quite well.

Tonight is my first evening of rest. Tomorrow is going to be busy with software classes that I signed up for over a month ago. And then maybe, just maybe, I might see a play I've supposedly won free tickets to - that all depends if they arrive in the mail or not by the time I get home in the afternoon. Otherwise I'll be happy at this point to sleep tomorrow.

Reasons to be hopeful

Jobs come and jobs go more quickly now. Less than two weeks at my last job, which paid well but didn't last long enough and was way too far to drive every day. Now I have a new job in just three days. That's a record for re-employment for me. Maybe Monster is right and the economy really is getting better. I will try to take this as a positive sign.

Meanwhile, J is having to sell her house and consider moving with her son to her parents' house in Conyers. This is because: 1. ex-husband took all her money. 2. her entire department at the company she's been with for years is going to be outsourced to Canada.

We are all too old to need to depend on our parents as much as we must for support but that's the condition of my generation. Two of my much younger, highly educated neighbors are somehow making money on online gambling - poker. Who knew you could actually make a significant amount of money at that? And I've also met someone who is filling in the gaps in their income as a professional backgammon player. I obviously have never had a clue on how many ways there are to make money. Not having ever been a gamer, I don't know if gambling is really the answer for me but I am trying to remain open to new possibilities.

Life on a thin branch

My right breast (same side as my gimpy arm) has a burning sensation in it when anything rubs across it (like when I'm lifting something). I can't decide whether to worry about it or not. I'll wait a couple more weeks to see if it gets better on its on before seeing a doctor about it. Meanwhile, I'm taking saw palmetto supplements (which Monster also tells me is good for men - prostate).

Murray was in town this weekend but I didn't get to spend any time with him. Would have loved to but he was being a jerk about wanting me to himself and not wanting to be around my friends or Monster. Especially Monster. Fine - just be a selfish crybaby Mr. Married With Children who acts like he's looking for some play. Not. He just can't be friends and he never could seem to be anything else that has a word in English for it either.

Mom phoned tonight to say that Dad isn't doing well at all this week. He's not eating again and has taken to his bed for the last several days without getting out of it. His breathing is fine. His doctor couldn't find anything wrong on examination this week. He's just unable to eat and has no energy. I don't know anything to do or say. My Uncle Ron, the good brother that he is, came over to the house and helped her with a few things she couldn't reach or do (like changing those high-up lights, etc.) and took her shopping for electronics. Thanks to Georgia Power and a surge they had, my parents house and six others behind them had everything that was on ruined and in need of replacement. Fortunately, the electric company seems to be very cooperative and has stated they'll reimburse her for the damage.

Last night Monster and I watched Life Force on DVD. What a cheesy movie. I'm afraid he was a bit offended that I referred to it as a silly B-Movie. Then he was making jokes along ahead of me while watching the rest of the DVD. It does have a brief appearance of the sexually ambiguous Patrick Stewart, which was kinda cool.

I need to get cable in time to watch the new Farscape mini-series.

Tomorrow is Wednesday, my day of rest. The rest of the week should be booked up with Monster, friends, and interviews.