Another for Ben

From Philip:

Ben was a GREAT public speaker. So I know this better be good

I had a really bad dream a few months ago. Ben was in it. It was so bad, I woke up shaking. Something’s wrong with Ben. Should I call? Should I call? I did the math. It was 4:15 Eastern Standard. A.M. Hmmmmm…Should I call? Hmmmm… He’s probably fine. It’s nothing. But I COULDN’T shake the feeling. I paced a little. Finally, Violet insisted, “Call him. You should really call him.” So, I called. At 4:30 AM, eastern…standard….time…..

Phone rings. Rings again. And again. And again. OK, getting worried. Click.

Ben: [very sleepily] Hello?

Philip: [very quickly] Hey man, it’s philip I know this is probably silly but I just had a dream that you were in and I had dream like that when I was a kid and it didn’t turn out so well and I got worried and just wanted to make sure you are ok and safe and cool and debra is too is good yeah...

Ben: [pause, slowly] Yes, Philip, everything’s fine. [A little testily] And you know what, buddy?

Philip: What, what?

Ben: I will be even better tomorrow. [pause] In the daytime.

Philip: OK, cool. Sorry, I just got worried and had to know if you were good, glad we got to talk glad you’re ok, silly I know, call ya back later, ok cool. Love ya man.

Ben: Love you, too, buddy.

[Click]

I’m glad I got to talk to him a few times after that. Like the 3-day visit last Fall, in San Francisco, at my HOUSE. That was AWESOME fun. Even if, according to Ben, I didn’t let his VERY expensive wine breathe long enough. Luckily it was bottle number two and no one noticed. That was a great time. I had them to MYSELF! Without all of you fighting for their attention. It was great. Truly.

Then a couple of months ago, I saw Ben for the last time. Ironically at another brother’s funeral. Jason Swinks. Also a great guy.

And last Wednesday, when he’d been moved to the hospice, we talked. Debra held the phone. We actually talked for about 20 minutes, Cracked each other up a few times, cried some, said our I love you mans, our great meeting yas, our remember whens. And our goodbyes. Like we all had to do last week.

He understood his condition, but what he was giving was giving me -- giving ALL of us – was the last little bit of Ben he could. Goes out the way we remember him. That’s a lesson learned, brother.

And that’s not the only thing Ben taught us, no?

Things like…

You just can’t laugh enough. In fact, too much laughter is just about right. A wit so dry, he might as well have whispered vermouth over it.

It’s a FACT: Single-ply toilet paper is just flat-out wrong.

The only thing better than a great bottle of wine, is 2, sometimes, THREE great bottles of wine.

If you have a beautiful & kind partner who loves you, hey, the rest of your life is just plain easy. Find her.

Toast the cumin seed first. Then grind it. Then don’t tell anyone your secret. Unless they beg. Like I did once.
Incidentally that helped us win the 24th annual Sausalito chili cook-off. Hap, I hear you are making Ben’s chili. I hope you remembered the toasted cumin seed, bro.

Beautiful Triumph motorcycles that sit in the basement are sad and lonely. There’s no excuse, Ben!

You are never the smartest person in the room, if Ben is there, too.

Croquet is in fact a contact sport.

And of course, “ Ben! Whatcha gonna gimme for my piece o’ cornbread??!!”

Back to that bad dream. It felt a little like this. A little unreal. I think we all feel like we’re in a bad dream right now.

I can’t say Ben’s in a better place, because I honestly don’t know if there is one. But, oh, if there IS, he is absolutely THERE. And he’s probably cracking everyone up. And pouring wine. And cooking up something delicious. Because that is what he did HERE. He made THIS place a better place. And he made all of us better people.

We miss you Ben. There is a hole in the world where you used to be.

We’ll get by, but it sure won’t be the same without you. And it won’t be as much fun. We will remember the things you taught us about love, and laughter and friendships and honoring your partner. And we will miss you.

If you have anything to do with it, can you keep us all safe and healthy? Especially Debra.

And we will ALL keep YOU in our hearts. And we will never forget.

Until we can join you, wherever you are.

Cheers, buddy.