funerals, parties, eulogies

Last Saturday was the memorial service and funeral for Ben. As funerals go, it was one of the best I've been to. It was at Patterson/Oglethorpe Funeral Home, which is one of the nicest I've seen. Very formal but without the cold, sterile utilitarian quality that most funeral homes have. Ben did not want a religious service, not being especially religious himself. Instead, the memorial service was a series of stories and memories shared by friends, family, and co-workers. All were good speakers. All were great stories - and examples to live by, or rather, how to really live.

Afterwards, there was an open-invitation potluck for everyone who knew Ben at Joy & Cam's that went on the rest of the day and well into the night.

Chantelle shared her eulogy:

Hello. I’m Chantelle, Captain of The Krewe of the Grateful Gluttons. I lived in New Orleans for a time and became enamored of the notion of a Krewe; friends and their families celebrating together for 150 years. And I thought: my friends are the stuff Krewes are made of. I declared us a Krewe Mardi Gras 1999. All 8 of us.

Ben comes to me through Doc and Hap coming to Jazz Fest. They really perfected the art of attending the Jazz Festival. They would go early and set up all the stuff; the tarp and lawn chairs and coolers. And they’d raise our flag, so us people on the slow bus could find them. Today is the last Saturday of Jazz Fest. Buckwheat Zydeco is playing right now. Cowboy Mouth goes on at 3. Then we would have to decided between The Allmand Brothers and John Mayer. Diana is there right now with all of us in her heart. See: you can be in two places at once when someone loves you. When you got a Krewe.

Our Krewe isn’t so exclusive. You just have to live the creed. Try everything. Have seconds. And, say Thank You. On a balcony in New Orleans on our last St. Patrick’s Day trip Ben declared an addendum: Extravagance Without Waste. That’s my Eagle Scout.

When I moved to Atlanta, I wondered if the Grateful Gluttons would stick. When Ben Perry called himself a Grateful Glutton, my heart soared. He meant it. He believed we were the stuff Krewes were made of, that we could be together for 150 years. And he did the things to make it so. He lavished time on his friendships. You know what that is right there? That is faith in action. Faith in love. Believing in what you can’t see or touch or spend and reaching for it. Believing that the love between us is our greatest treasure and honoring it.

I recently read that this life is a “School for Gods”. That we are all Gods at college and these bodies are our classrooms and dorms. And after finals, we go home. What might the study of Gods be? The nature of love. Faith in it. I suppose it’s no wonder that Mr. Smarty-pants graduated ahead of his class. We’ll all get there eventually, us people on the slow bus. And our Ben will have raised the flag.

Y’all love each other real good. Immortal, like.


Thomas shared his thoughts in the form of a poem:

I was a friend of Ben:

In the Feudalism of my

Feast of Friends

there is no King or Queen.

But we lost a Duke when we lost Ben.

We lost a chef,

A happy scientist,

An Eagle Scout,

A Loyal friend.

===============

Eagle Scouts are born

to be

Prepared, Loyal, and Free

there for us to emulate--

in life--

and later,

in the gently treasured,

resurrected

Memories

of thoughtful deeds,

of playful thoughts,

of words well spoken,

and more attention paid

to Fools

than certainly

I

did

warrant.

I'll miss Ben's sense of humor

most of all.