the promise of sleep

MonsterMustDie worked all night on the project for the Mill Collective. He got home at 5:00 a.m. just in time for me to wake up for work and for him to fall into bed for a couple of hours. Then, he gets up and does it all again today to finish everything in time for the Market.

Living with a narcissist

You can't fix a narcissist. You can edit and set boundaries your relationship with the narcissist and concentrate on other more positive relationships instead.
Enjoy what you share but don't make that person the main investment of yourself. 

9 Facts to Know About Narcissistic Personality Disorder Before Calling Someone a Narcissist

No body there

As an update on my cousin's
Death last week,  I got a text yesterday from my brother letting us  know there will be a small memorial for him on Wednesday. There's no way either of us can get off work to make the trip down to Georgia.  That's probably for the best. Our presence at a funeral we weren't invited to would,  at best, be very awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. The entire family shut us out when my mother died. I suppose they will just scatter ashes in the park and be done with it.

Trying to fulfill needs

I notice that MonsterMustDie has been requiring a lot more of my attention lately. He seems to be looking specifically for approval and praise for his creative efforts. This from the man who, at best, has no interest in what I do.

Still, I'm trying to be positive and encouraging but that does not seem to be enough for him. I'm frustrated by this situation and I don't know how to deal with this or why it's happening.

another death in the family

I've gotten so used to no one calling that I have not been remembering to turn my cell phone on when I am not at work. A call from my brother came in tonight on MonsterMustDie's phone. He wanted to let me know that there was one more legal form that we both need to sign next time I am in Atlanta. Also, BTW, the cousin that we grew up with is dead. He committed suicide a few days ago.
My niece found out by accident, reading a facebook post by his daughter-in-law. No one in the family bothered to tell us what was going on. I haven't heard from any of my mother's family since her funeral and neither has my brother.

I asked how his inlaws were and got the latest news from my sister-in-law. Her family has been going through a lot of transitions. I told them we were okay, that I probably would not be able to make a trip for a long time because I am working two jobs now (hopefully, he can mail any forms we have to sign in tandem a just have a notary witness authenticate them), and to please not be such a stranger.

two jobs

Thankfully, I am still working during the week at the graphics job for the photo studio. It's been a blessing to have a reason to get up every morning and get out of the house. I am also the main grocery and supply buyer at Casa WereMonster now, which takes some financial pressure off of MonsterMustDie. I'm not making enough to put money away for other things yet but I sleep much better and my dreams have improved. I'm also still working weekends at the retail gig which I refer to as “the dress shop”.
Working seven days a week does not leave me much time for social activities or other things but, since I have no social life here and probably never will, that isn't much of a loss and I feel more secure having two jobs now in case one disappears.

retail

Overheard from a customer  "...and I warned her about how I spend." from a guy wearing a wifebeater shirt who just spent at least an hour looking at watches.

The other highlight of the day was the man who took some shorts into the fitting room and found a can of chewing tobacco in the pocket.

Laid to rest

We finally buried Doris Kat's remains in the back yard. MonsterMustDie adorned the grave site with a marker he found in his treasure-hunting and a couple of ferns.

Choose: Love, Time, Money

I seem to have to make the choice between the three elements necessary for all human life: Time, Money (life), or Love (human relationships).
Obviously, I can't live without some income. I guess that is the choice I have to make now. At my age, I will not be making enough money again in my lifetime to choose to take my chances on the money part.
This month, I've taken a second part-time job. The new gig is freelance, so there is no payroll accounting for taxes and I'm sure I'll pay dearly for that. However, it does pay a whopping two dollars more an hour than what I'm currently making at the dress shop and I'm getting a lot more hours from them with the possibility of being brought on full-time in the future. The future might take place as soon as August... We'll see how it shakes out. Meanwhile, all of my week days are completely clogged with graphics when I'm not working retail and all of my weekends are full of retail. Trying to hold onto both branches until I see which one will not snap.
This also means I can't even travel overnight until my schedule becomes predictable and safe to ask for days off work. I want to go down to Georgia to visit old friends. I'd like to take a week or long weekend to got to Florida to further acquaint myself with others but I can't for now.
Meanwhile, the potentially full-time job has requested that I pull back and stay off social media as long as I'm associated with them. This means no input to Google maps, Facebook, Twitter, etc. although I continue to follow my friends and family feed on all channels. This makes me more of a ghost than I already am. I am hoping that I can still get away with blogging, which can be a bit more esoteric these days, so I am sharing this with you, dear friends. You can still find me here on in Mail and Text for now. My phone is still not functioning for sound unless I'm using a Bluetooth device. Please feel free to call me - I promise I will call you back as soon as I grab the Bluetooth device.
Meanwhile, stay tuned...

working two part-time jobs again

I am happy to report this week that a graphics company in the next city has brought me in for part-time freelance work - and that they are willing to work around my retail job's schedule for now. I'm hoping I can balance working both gigs as long as possible or until someone makes the commitment to hire me. Today, I work 8:00 a.m. to 9:45 p.m. with both jobs. Other days, I might only work four hours at the retail gig or not at all on either.
I will do the best I can.

Lunch at Dan River Family Restaurant

It's a small BBQ restaurant near Hanging Rock state park that we end up eating at every time we're at the park.

Troubled

MonsterMustDie seems to be missing more words than usual lately. I hope this is just because of fatigue at work and lack of quality sleep. It worries me because of the gorilla in the room - the fact that his mother and aunt died of alzheimer's disease. He never misses names and words, unlike me, so when he starts making mistakes or struggling to remember an actor's name it scares the hell out of me. I wish I could talk to him about it without upsetting him. I wish I could simply ask him to have a checkup and make sure everything is working right. There is also  the complication of the strokes he had years ago, which might mean this is just a temporary effect of that, brought about by stress and/or fatigue. We need to know what's going on. Otherwise, everything is fine. He was especially nice and attentive tonight. He even got off facebook long enough to sit on the couch and watch an old DVD with me.

Maybe I worry too much about these things.

Sleeping in trees

I went camping overnight with Karen at Hanging Rock state park in North Carolina.  We slept in hammocks enveloped in insect netting that Bob likes to call "bear pinatas". The net-covered hammocks worked well as a minimalist way to sleep outdoors. It was a reasonably warm night but much more windy than anticipated. I had a very soft camping blanket wrapped around me. I listened to the wind in the tree branches and felt it against the sides of my cocoon.
Woke up find that the coffee in my thermos was still warm. Karen was still sleeping while I sat in the camping chair with the blanket over my legs, drinking coffee and reading about Night of the Witches by Linda Raedisch.
We had lunch at the Dan River Family Restaurant.

if I won the Lotto

1. I would buy a house in our old neighborhood of Northcrest.
2. After buying the house in Northcrest, I would sell my condo in Midtown. 
3. I would buy a new car. 
4. I would update my computer, electronics and photo equipment. 
5. After acquiring these things, I would talk with a financial planner and figure out how to properly and conservatively invest the remains so that I could have a bit to live comfortably. 
6. Give 10 percent of what I live on to charities I believe in.