soft in the head

 MonsterMustDie's memory continues to get worse and I really don't know what I can do about taking care of him or myself. I picture us both being homeless. I think that, eventually, I might have leave him in the care of the State if I can't manage the house and basic accounts that he has sole control of - mortgage, utilities, internet, etc. I would have to try to move back to Atlanta to live in my condo, while finding work to pay for basics. I wonder if being married to him might entitle the State to take all that I have, including my condo in Atlanta. I have no one to ask for advice. 

Today he forgot a botched Amazon delivery I got and gave to him to use outside - a multipack of a product similar to but different from what I actually ordered a single of that was sent by mistake (Amazon just told me to keep it and they credited my account - I still didn't want their substitute because it smells awful). He now thinks he just bought it himself and he is telling to me that he just bought this and why large multipacks of this was a good idea to him when he purchased it. He not only is losing days at a time but now he is creating things that never existed. 

Thankfully, he is still running his online antiques business without any trouble that I know of. He also still has a good part-time job for an Italian company here as well. I am very grateful he is able to do both of these things. That bit of income helps a lot with what he can't pay with social security alone. I worry that he seems to be hoarding a lot more. He has another new future-hobby now that he is spending hundreds of dollars on matterials and equipment to set up the perfect studio for himself again. This time it is to make woven art, like basketry, sculptures.  This follows setting up a space and materials for encaustic artwork that he never made. Before that, it was a woodworking-design-furniture business he was going to start with a former co-worker. Thankfully, all of the woodworking equipment and most of the materials were put into the garage of his future-partner's house so I don't have to climb over it. There are still a few odd boards and fabrics in our attic and basement but it is only a fraction of what he had.  

life in quarantine

I organized a Zoom meeting for Women's Night friends last night, using National Martini Day as a theme. Nick & Aud, Penguin Pam, Mr and Mrs Lounge, along with me and MonsterMustDie conversed for two hours from our four separate quarantine locations. I've been considering themes and events for Zoom meetings with friends because I don't want to burn people out with my own neediness for human connection and/or activity.

I've kinda let myself down by not taking all of this time to concentrate on learning a new skill. After hearing me say I wish I had learned how to sew, Karen gave me an old sewing machine a month ago. I finally got it repaired this week for $110.00. Parts are everywhere and I need to find a manual online. Then I need to find online tutorials and scrap materials around here for trying to teach myself sewing for a hobby. So there's that.

Afterwards, MonsterMustDie watched Captain Marvel and Avengers Infinity War for the second time this week. He watched it just a couple of days before and had no memory of doing so - he  couldn't even remember the punch lines or the final easter egg in Captain Marvel. I went to bed before he started watching the Avengers movie again. This is deeply troubling to me and I really hope the memory lapses are because of his heavy drinking lately. There were two days last week that he actually had a significant hangover, which is a rarity for him, because he drank himself silly.

When he  completely loses a day in memory so soon, my darkest fear is that it is a foreshadowing of Alzheimer's Disease, which took his mother and aunt. I have absolutely no way to deal with him becoming disabled by it, if he does. We were living on an island of social isolation here in North Carolina before the quarantine and it's become so much worse since the loss of both of the jobs I had here. Now, I have no income or healthcare. This is a mostly lower class blue collar area where everything is substandard.

Troubled

MonsterMustDie seems to be missing more words than usual lately. I hope this is just because of fatigue at work and lack of quality sleep. It worries me because of the gorilla in the room - the fact that his mother and aunt died of alzheimer's disease. He never misses names and words, unlike me, so when he starts making mistakes or struggling to remember an actor's name it scares the hell out of me. I wish I could talk to him about it without upsetting him. I wish I could simply ask him to have a checkup and make sure everything is working right. There is also  the complication of the strokes he had years ago, which might mean this is just a temporary effect of that, brought about by stress and/or fatigue. We need to know what's going on. Otherwise, everything is fine. He was especially nice and attentive tonight. He even got off facebook long enough to sit on the couch and watch an old DVD with me.

Maybe I worry too much about these things.

an interesting week

Most of last week, we were out of electrical power at el Rancho. I was out to eat with a neighbor during a 10-minute storm that appears to have included a small tornado throwing trees around in the hood. Our house was spared of any fallen trees or large branches but most of my neighbors were not as lucky. Powers was out until Saturday and then out again Sunday & Monday after a thunderstorm. Everything I could not put on ice in the cooler either melted and/or spoiled in a couple of days. The freezer is still empty and will remain so until we see all the broken poles, fallen trees, and low-hanging wires cleared out of the neighborhood. The refridgerator has mostly things that will not spoil immediately if the power goes out again, like fresh fruit & veggies. The pantry is stocked up in soup now. We still need to restock some batteries and re-think alternative devices and chargers when the power goes out again.

Looks like I've finally found a job this week at a company I have been familiar with for quite a while - several printers I have worked with in the past have outsourced work to them. It is going to be a bit of a commute now, since it takes me an hour & 15 minutes to drive home in the evening. The hours are generally long, starting at 7:00 a.m. for me. Hopefully, I can continue to come into work that late. Some of my co-workers come in as early as 5:00 a.m. or 6:00 a.m. and recently have been working 12-hour shifts. (This is one reason I was hired, no doubt, to relieve the work load a bit.) I am very happy to finally have another full-time position that I can count on. The adjustment to the commute and new hours will be hard but I need work and income more than anything else these days. I'm just happy to be there. This job offers the opportunity to catch up and reacquaint myself with the type of work I've done in the past and to get my skills back up-to-date and compatible with everyone else. This is a hard industry to survive in these days.

MonsterMustDie is already grumbling about my 8:00 p.m. bedtime but it is necessary for me to be up and running by 5:00 every day with less time in the evening to catch up on things. Time is suddenly quite important and he will eventually adjust. He'll be going to Alabama to visit his mother tomorrow. His cousin phoned yesterday to tell him that his mother is not eating now. She's apparently lost a lot of weight and she doesn't want to be here anymore. Her Alzheimer's disease has progressed to a point where she is in a lot of physical pain and she just wants to be released from this life. It's hard to watch both of them go through this but I really don't know of anything I can do to help.

sometimes, it rains.

Tomorrow, I have to go with MonsterMustDie (in my car) to Alabama in the morning to handle some family business.
His mother's diagnosis has been changed from "dementia" to full-blown Alzheimers and now he and his cousin are going with his mom to handle whatever paperwork is necessary for power of attorney with her bank, house, etc. She is already to the stage where someone must check in on her daily to see she's eating, taking medications, and that the house and fridge are clean.

All this and she's still driving a car...