Finally back home from a long sad week with my family in Smyrna. Still trying to re-aclimate myself to my life after just a few days taking care of my mother and my parents' house. My little place felt strangely warm and cozy after the time away. I still have a four-day-long headache hanging out deep inside, threatening to make my head feel like exploding but other than that I'm fine. This was my mother's first day alone in the house and to try to get some rest. She slept in this morning and was planning to go back to the cemetary by herself this afternoon and take photos of the flowers at my father's gravesite.

My father has passed away yesterday.

The call came in the morning while I was at work. Got home and threw a few things in a bag, changed out of my work duds, and wnet to my parent' house where people were already gathering. Went to the funeral home with my mother, brother, sister-in-law, and neice to make final preparations. Picked out the least cheesy guest book and cards, casket, flowers, etc. Ordered what will probably be far too few copies of the death certificate for legal and financial purposes.

Sometimes I miss the days of childhood and adolescence when you could have crushes on people that you never had to consider even having the possibility of going anywhere other than where it is at the moment. There was never any plans ahead or what if's - just that delicious, painful moment of longing for things you did not know or expect.

Got a phone call from mother on my way home from work today telling me to come for a visit this weekend. I'm there every weekend but missed last week's visit because of the ice. I told her I'd try to make it up Sunday. If he's awake for anything, I would think he'd want to be awake for the SuperBowl and I am so behind on everything I need Sunday to catch up. Maybe I can come with Monster and the two of us can allow her to take a break from taking care of my father and get out of the house for a while. She says his health is deteriorating rapidly this week. The pain medication he has is recommended for four to six hour intervals and she's giving it to him every three hours. I suppose he's building a tolerance for the meds now and they don't do the job he'd like them to.

melodrama does not become me.

Am allowed to accept bad news, even though I know I'm supposed to fall to pieces?
I'm tired of having to give dramatic displays of uncontrollable emotion just to prove I care.
Truth is, I do care a lot but I can only go up or down so far and I think I like myself just as I am.
Maybe if I was an artist or six years old I would gleefully pursue bi-polar disorder or rages followed by severe depression.

Cake or Death


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New Suit

Monster pushed me to go clothes shopping last weekend and I now have a new basic black suit and the lowest black pumps I could find. Unfortunately for my mother it is a two piece, jacket and trousers, with no skirt. If I can locate a long black skirt in the same style by the manufacturer I'll buy it. But the suit is a good one, in a simple streamlined style that won't go out of fashion too quickly. It's at the neighborhood alterations shop now being hemmed in the legs and sleeves. And I am promising myself that I'll lose 5 pounds of holiday weight.

I wish I lived in Paris. I'd be in much better shape physically if I did from walking much more and eating better.

All American fast food is evil and hard to avoid because it's so cheap... and fast.

You Are a Liberal for Life

You've got a bleeding heart - and you're proud of it. For you, liberal means being compassionate, pro-government, and anti-business. You believe in equality for every person, and you consider yourself universally empathetic. Helping others is not just political for you ... it's very personal too.

What political persuasion are you?

Happy 2005

New Years Eve was spent at the home of Joy and Cam in Grant Park eating, sitting by the fire, and taking part in a white elephant re-gifting exchange. Some people call these exchanges "dirty Santa". Everyone puts a re-wrapped package under the tree and draws numbers for their turn to pick one of the mystery packages out from under the tree. Those who have already picked a gift can swop/swipe the gift of the latest person to open a package. I came out of the exchange very well with a box of fine chocolates, which I was sure would be swiped before the gift exchange's end. I kept trying to make it seem less attractive to others saying things like "oh, these look really waxy" until the actual anonymous treat-giver felt compelled to tell me that I had a box of fine Belgium chocolates. I didn't know I was that convincing.

New Years Day was mostly spent in Smyrna again with my family eating the required meal of greens and blackeyed peas.

How I spent my Christmas vacation

Thursday, Christmas Eve eve, was bone-chilling cold and I felt like hot sake. Went with Aud and Nik to Ru San's and had huge amounts of fish and spiritous beverages. For the first time I tried the Japanese pickle plate/sampler and a new menu item, "white tuna". Then we went to Apre Diem for deserts and "nightcaps" where Nik showed off his belly to all who could not avert their eyes quickly enough. I have to admit he's lost a lot of that "Buddah Belly" and should be quite proud of that. But maybe it's not so polite to show it off in public.

Christmas Eve was spent at my parents house. Dad was able to be home for the holidays and sleep in his own house in the hospital bed my parents still had from his mother. He gets a lot of pleasure from company and loves to have people visit but he and my mother are constantly tearful these days. I hope that the hyper-emotionalism doesn't keep people away. My uncle Ron and wife Joyce came to the house and stayed most of the day. Dinner was smoked turkey on croissant sandwiches.

Christmas Day was spent at my parents house. I arrived noon-ish. My brother and his family came. So did my uncle Robert and his wife and youngest daughter. We exchanged and opened gifts, ate leftovers from yesterday as well as a roast that Mom got with a HoneyBaked Ham gift certificate from friends.

Boxing Day evening was a gathering at J's house in Conyers. Huge group of people of all tribes and ages were there. Lots of food. The Women were all there at some point, with the exception of Pam who is now expecting her own blessed event and is a bit delicate these days. Nik has no memory (or so he says) of showing his belly at Diem.

Monday was my last day off work and I ended up seeing "The Aviator" at Phipps Plaza cinema and doing some shopping at GAP to spend the gift card I had.

Things I didn't know until today

My friend John now has his own spanking new website.

My pal David's family is actually Swedish.

According to Monster, JRR Tolkein based the Elves languages on Finnish and Welsh.

a growing entropy

Today they moved my father into a nursing home. This was actually a huge relief to my mother as the location is very close to my parents' house and it will be much easier for to visit him there. He is at this point still unable to walk. I hope his pain management is much better now but I'll find out more on that when I see him this weekend. That's all I know.

I should be hanging out with friends in East Atlanta tonight at the King Sized show but it's quite cold tonight and I am very cold natured- a complete wimp when the temperature drops. Thus far, I've been catching up with friends via email and snail mail and telephone, but the night is still young.

The "chalupa" I had at lunch today is making me feel like Bloaty Pig. And to think I was so hungry this morning!

the update

This week my father has developed a blood clot in his leg. He has been, in his words, completely pain-free until now. Now the pain in his leg has left him crippled. This was made worse yesterday when he fell while trying to get into the car to go to his daily appointment for a blood thinner injection. Unable to move him, my mother phoned for an ambulance and he's now back in the hospital. This has been a mixed blessing for him and my mother - in the hospital, they are able to manage his pain much more effectively while still treating the clot and a newly discovered "blood infection" of some sort and my mother finally has some relief from taking care of him. So I guess everything is working out for the best.