The big litter box

We started noticing several large dugouts in the mulch -covered hill at the side of our house.  At first, MonsterMustDie thought someone had stolen a few of the large rocks we have sunk into the hill (people do steal potted plants,  tool, and other landscape materials ).  Today,  I found out that the feral cats are pooping all over it. The mulch and soil are just soft enough to be a perfect litter pile.

Is this the Final Showdown at the Time Clock?

I've been doing the two part-time job dance for a while now, still hoping to find full-time work and unable to get more than two half-days a week from job no. 2 but hoping for more time on a regular basis from them. Job no. 1 still only gives me two days a week, usually, despite the fact that I was hired under the agreement that I would train at part-time hours and immediately go to full-time with full benefits after that brief training period. I don't suppose any business hires anyone for full-time hours anymore unless they are admin jobs. That would be okay if my hours were predictable so I could easily fill in the gaps with another job and avoid any conflicts. Neither job wants to give me that. My hours change on an as-needed basis. I am unspeakably frustrated. I want to work. I need to make money. I need the interaction of other human beings. Admittedly, job no. 1 is very hard on me physically and most of my co-workers, who are half my age and twice my size and did not spend their lives working at a computer, seem to view me as a primadonna.

Here is today's correspondence from from job no.1, who still give me more hours per week than my preferred job - no. 2.

Is this the final showdown? I don't know. This is my correspondence with them today.

I might be down to working 8 hours a week at one job.

This is actually an email I sent LAST WEEK and never got an answer to it. I re-sent it today with the additional reminder about the time off for weddings.

Begin forwarded message:

From: Moi

Subject: Re: My Schedule and Availability

Date: August 17, 2016 at 11:58:33 AM EDT

To: Department Manager

I will be there between 1:30 and 2:00 p.m.

That's the best I can do.

- Moi

 

On Aug 17, 2016, at 10:23 AM, Department Manager wrote:

Moi,

If you don't work your scheduled shift on the 23rd it will be counted as an absence, I already have the closing shift covered.

Thank You,

Dept Manager

---

From: Moi
Sent: Wednesday, August 17, 2016 10:08:24 AM
Subject: My Schedule and Availability

Here is my schedule at the other place, for now. Set in stone from their end.

Wed, 8/17, 3:00PM - 7:00PM

Tues 8/23, 9:00AM - 1:00PM  (conflict - I could work 2:00PM-10:00PM if necessary)

Fri, 8/26, 3:00PM - 7:00PM

Here is my availability:

Thu, 8/18, FREE ALL DAY  and scheduled at F&D 8:00AM-5:00PM

Fri, 8/19 - 8/21, FREE ALL DAY  available for work

Wed, 8/24, FREE ALL DAY  available for work

Thu, 8/25, FREE ALL DAY and scheduled at F&D 8:00AM-2:00PM

F.I.Y.

I still need to be off work Sept 9 - 11 to attend a wedding on September 10 in Atlanta, Georgia.

I need to be off work for my own wedding, now moved to October 15. Please allow me to be off work October 13- 17.

hot and tired

Worked a surprisingly good day at  retail job #1 and got lots of compliments from co-workers. Found out one of the managers has left the store, which is a huge loss because he had took a lot of product and company knowledge with him. We have a new flock of young employees from nearby colleges, some former employees looking for part-time filler work, and former employees of our competitors.

I think I am not made to drive a forklift so, after agonizing for so long about doing it, I'm okay with staying away from them. Everyone reminds me how much I hate driving cars and how far that is from the culture I was raised in. In retrospect, I think I would not make a good operator and its in the company's best interest that I steer clear of them. My anxiety kicks in just looking at them.

Every time I go in now to job #1, I think it will be my last day and that I'll be fired soon for all the work conflicts I have trying to manage schedules for two part-time jobs.

I see no hope on the horizon for employment in the field I am educated for or for returning to college.

Even if I returned to college, would that even benefit me by the time it would take to finish a new Master's degree in the hopes of finding work? I think not. I think my age - past 50 - still makes me unattractive to employers. Anyway I would never  be able to schedule classes with my current lifestyle and I can't afford online college. I don't qualify for any grants or loans, either.

I need a business plan for something I can start myself, with no money up front, using what I already have, in a place where I know no one. Perhaps online, where location is not a concern.

It has been hot this week with temperatures in the 90s again. Both myself and MonsterMustDie have been feeling insurmountable fatigue from the heat. Sunday, we ran errands in the morning and spent the rest of the afternoon and evening languishing indoors, in the AC, Could not even be motivated to do indoor activities. Yesterday, we both came home exhausted from work and slept deeply last night under the fan. Ceiling fans are a lifesaver, especially when you don't want to kill your AC unit.

It amazes me how long my grandmother lived without air-conditioning. She relied on fans in a duplex built in the 40's with transom windows over all the doorways. For the winter, she had one central heater in the basement that had a huge "baby burner" vent in the hallway floor. No fan necessary for the heater - hot air rises and created its own warm breeze from the center of the house. The garden she had was great. It was a back yard full of large flowers, green grass, and a concrete bird bath in the center. Teal-painted brick patio. There was always a little vegetable garden on the left side of the back yard and climbing rose bushes on the right side of the yard against the fence. A home-made shed and fenced-in compost pile sat at the very back of the lot. Tomatoes. Strawberries. Quince. Hollyhock. Four'O Clocks. Hydrangeas. Roses. Caladiums. Etc, She saved seeds as well for the following year.

Today, I work at part-time retail job #2. This is my preferred workplace but, alas, they give me even less hours than job #1. However, I have hope that they will increase the frequency of my schedule with them. The job pays the same as #1 and is much closer to home and easier on my body. I am always beaten up physically after working at #1. I have bruises and cuts all over me from yesterday. Job #2 has co-worker who are a lot less depressing to be around as well. Better all-around environment. Today will be a good day.

High Anxiety

It's been a very high-stress weekend. Multiple scheduling conflicts. Financial conflicts. Bad vibes all around. Trying to work everything out as best I can without losing everything.

Sandy pointed out that the High Point Market happens a week later than usual this year and now falls on October 22, the same day we were planning our wedding in High Point. MonsterMustDie made a mistake telling us the market was the week before. There are no hotels, rentals or catering companies with openines that week. Now, I'm scrambling to change the date that was already in my opinion too soon.

The work schedule that had no conflicts previouslyrics was reorganized by someone and now everything is conflicting between my two part time jobs.

My condo is sitting vacant while I am spending $1200 this week alone on cleaning and repairs.

Pretty weeds

The tall mystery plant in the front yard is blooming now. I think it's a keeper.

Wedding Design Thoughts

I got to look at the not ready for primetime secondary building where we might be able to have the reception. Not too bad. There is overhead lighting. This is a relief because I thought it was such an empty shell that I'd have to figure out a safe way to light from above and below. It is definitely an industrial, even steampunk, space. That would work fine with an industrial modern theme.

No plumbing and no wall outlets so I can see why it does not meet code for occupancy but certainly solid enough. There is one small spot that is a possible tripping hazard on the floor about the size of one large sheet of plywood that we would have to find a way to keep people away from, lest they trip or stub their toes.

I have been visualizing this project as much as I can by myself. I had this idea today: Wouldn't it be great to fill that patch with a huge scale model of a safety cone - bright orange and shiny, that would more than cover the footprint of the area - kinda a la Jeff Koons?

How could I/we/you build that? It would have to be very lightweight materials to make it easy to move in and out of the space. Anyone need an art project? That would be a great thing to put on the wedding registry... large format artwork.

Another thought came to me today about the cake. Rather than the common roses and ribbons, what about a mid-century modern Eames-style cake. Or a creature from the black lagoon, holding the bride as a cake topper?

sick

All day Thursday,  I fought back a mild nausea and lack of energy. By Friday, I was too ill to work. I was still fighting the sickness in the morning, planning to work as usual. I got up, showered, and swung by job #1 to pick up a paycheck on my way to job #2. As soon as I got out of the  car and the heat hit me, the nausea kicked in harder than ever. I barely made it into the store to pick up my check and back to my car again. I tried to phone work before leaving the parking lot but after two tries and now answer, I gave up. I drove home and spent the next hour in the bathroom. I had MonsterMustDie phone job #2 to let them know I was not going to be there. He finally got through to let them know and I spent the rest of the day in bed trying to sleep myself to wellness.

I spent Saturday trying to recover and avoiding solid food. I am still on the Ensure diet. MonsterMustDie made pasta for dinner last night, which I was able to keep down. I went to bed early and woke up this morning with aching back and neck. My esophagus hurts too, probably from being violently ill.

I hope today is my last sick day and that I can feel back to normal tomorrow.

Wedding Planning

MonsterMustDie is still reluctant about places and spaces even though our wedding is less than four months away. Thus, I have not been free to have invitations created, other than just using social media. He won't ask if we can use space in the building for a reception and/or rain day and he won't say its okay for me make other arrangements.

I still need to figure out the cake thing. I do not want plain layer cake with buttercream icing. 

I haven't really started looking for a dress locally. I have been looking at Pinterest for ideas on dresses. Don't know any place here other than Belk to source a wedding dress and, for all I know, they might have some okay dresses. I am doing all of this alone so motivation is less than if I had friends physically here to inspire me. For all I know, I might still end up wearing the black dress I wore for my niece's wedding and my mother's funeral. It's the only nice dress I have. 

I plan to serve tapas-style food at the reception. Real food in small bites that can be eaten casually rather than a sit-down dinner, although I am planning to rent chairs and tables for the wedding. He is dragging his feet on even asking if we can have the reception at his workplace, The Mill. This week, it looks like we will most likely be having any reception in our little house and for that I am just planning to clear out the living room and put up folding tables. I won't use the rented chairs or tables if it's at our house. 

There is no budget for a restaurant dinner the night before. I am probably paying for all of this out of my savings. He has not offered to help with any of this and if it were up to him, we would just go to the courthouse to sign a marriage license and be done with it. I'll leave the marriage license to him. I'll have to handle everything else. 

My family has not come forward with any offers to help make this happen. This is ironic since they have been so hot for me to marry John since my mother died. 

I'm okay with working on the cheap but I do think I should at least get a wedding out of this arrangement. Is he trying to find a passive way out of it? I don't think so because he has also wanted us to marry for a long time. Any social situation causes him a great deal of stress and the idea of spending money on me also makes him anxious. He's been very unhappy with my inability to make a living here for a long time. If he has to endure a wedding, he will be happier if I can put everything together and just have him show up for it. 

It appears I am engaged.

Him: I don't want (groomsmen) to have to rent a tux for the wedding.

Me: Agreed. How about we ask them to just wear gray suits?

Him: I don't want to ask anyone to wear a specific color.

Me: Fine. Let's just have everyone wear jeans and a T-shirt that says "I'm with stupid." 

 

I was able to actually join MonsterMustDie on a business trip to Atlanta last week. I spent every day visiting friends and family while he worked for the Boutique.  We had dinner with my brother and sisnter-in-law at my favorite restaurant. We were in our cups a bit. MonsterMustDie said he would like to be married under the arbor he built in the community garden. Someone mentioned June weddings. I said if I was getting married, I'd prefer an autumn wedding. Brother & Sister-in-Law reminded me that they like to travel in November and will be out of the country again this November. I said October is a good month for a wedding - it's the month of my birthday and my favorite holiday, Halloween. MonsterMustDie said he would not be married on Halloween. I said I would not be married on my birthday. Thus, the week between would have to be the one to do such a thing, if we were ever going to do such a thing. Sister-in-law said, whether I like it or not, I am essentially already married (without any of the protections of law) because we've been together so long. Meanwhile, my brother is looking at this year's calendar on his phone and lets everyone know the saturday between my birthday and Halloween this year is October 22. The table agrees that October 22 will be the wedding day. 

This year. 

 

That's not much time to prepare or make real decisions on anything. The family is alerted. My friends are alerted.

I am hung over the next day. 

Nice package detail

The inside lining of a plain brown box.

My mother 's refrigerator still has several ancient bottles  of sparkling wine.  I doubt any of it is still drinkable but I wish I had time to open some of them to find out.

Alas.

No Traffic

I am completely surprised by the lack of traffic we had driving into Atlanta today. I must remember this next year after the fourth of July.  I can only assume Independence Day means a lot of people travel out of the city to the beach or other parts less crowded. 

Good news!

My other manager had a change of heart and now I will be off work for a few days to join MonsterMustDie while he is working in Atlanta Wednesday, July 6 to Saturday morning, July 9.

Right after I got the news of my time off, I had more good news of a visit by B&G to Winston-Salem this week on a business trip. We got to meet up with them and a few business associates at Sweet Potatoes Restaurant in Winston-Salem. It was an absolute joy to see them. They're both looking good and their chums from work were interesting people as well.

MonsterMustDie will be working for Buzzi Boutique. We're taking just one car and, depending on if he needs the car for work errands or not, I might need the help of friends to get around town.

Still, being in Atlanta even without a car will be a good break from NC. I hope some friends will have time to hang out. I'll have the entire day free while MonsterMustDie is working. Early evenings, he will be available for dinner or other socializing as long as he can get his beauty rest before work in the morning.

falling down

MonsterMustDie has a business trip to Atlanta in mid-July and we are invited to an Atlanta wedding in early September. I am still trying to take time off work to go with john in July to Atlanta but it looks like I will never be able to leave home again.

The job that I want the most that is near home and not as physically damaging, which I'm still training for has given me the time off already to go with him to Atlanta. They only give me two or three half days a week, anyway, at this point. I work 8 to 12 hours there.

The other job has not given me the time off. In a dick move, when I requested the days off for MonsterMustDie's trip to Atlanta, my manager cut my schedule to only one day a week and put that day smack in the middle of MonsterMustDie's trip. He's also not, at this point in time, giving me time off for the wedding. I would quit that job if I was not so desperate for work. Now, I've got to try to work my way up in his good graces (probably completing forklift training) if I want to get on a better schedule again. Retail jobs do not care about employee retention. There is always a new crop of employees to come in the next month. They have never given me the time off I’ve requested, no matter how far in advance I've asked for it with the exception of the times I was taking care of my mother and going to her funeral. I am surprised they didn't fire me in October or February but they kept me on board then. 

I put in two applications at a bank for Customer Assistance jobs but was turned down for both jobs this week. These were jobs that only require a high-school diploma and I was turned down for them. By email. No interview or human to speak to. 

Meanwhile, my tenant is leaving the midtown condo and moving in with her boyfriend and the condo is somehow infested with fleas. None of the neighbors have a flea infestation and she has no pets. I am hoping that the infestation disappears when the condo is empty. I suspect something is going on with all the clutter she has in there - every closet is bulging with her stuff and the living room stays jam packed with all sorts of things. It borders on looking like a hoarder's home, which makes any pest control treatments very ineffective. She's had Orkin in twice to treat the condo and Cindi has helped her do several treatments of diatomaceous earth.

I would love to be back in Atlanta. I would love to visit friends and family and go to the occasional baby shower or wedding. Things would seem sunnier to me if only my manager would give me the days off my inconsistent schedule that I requested or if my favorite job was giving me 3 or 4 full days of work each week so I could just have one easy job close to home.

MonsterMustDie makes all the money and all the decisions about the house and yard. I sit at home, unable to do anything, and stew in my own juices most days. He gets to travel occasionally for work (I know - not a pleasure trip) or social activities (pleasure trip) and I have to stay here so I can work for 6 hours to pay for email, cell phone, and car. I am losing the battle to keep all of those things that keep me minimally functional as a human being. I have no life here. I hate it here. I am trying so hard and constantly having the world slam down on me and making me start over again and again with no friends or support network.