falling apart

And just like that, I broke the crown on my back of my right jaw again while snackingI guess my future is no more crunchy snacks. This makes me so sad now, on top of everything else I'm dealing with physically. I just want to cry. This time, sadly, the dentist office is closed for the evening. URGH!!!!!

after surgery reset

I didn't poop for two days after surgery.  I had three cups of coffee and oatmeal for breakfast. No poop. I also had an oatmeal cup for dinner. Still no poop. At 11:15pm, I realized I couldn't sleep and perhaps that was due to the amount of coffee I had in the morning after cutting down on my coffee consumption the last couple of weeks. I took a Ducolax from an old box that has been in the pantry for years and then listened to podcasts until I faded to sleep some time after 1:00 a.m. At 5:45 a.m., I finally pooped.

I got up at 7: 00 a.m. and I hope I can start to get on a regular routine. Now that my gut seems to be getting back on track, my sleep schedule needs adjustment. 

Looking forward to being able to shower tomorrow. 

starting the process

Sitting here checking email and messages while waiting for a telemedicine call this morning before my appointments this afternoon at Duke. MonsterMustDie runs into my office and says “Do you know what time it is?!” My answer “It's 10:00 AM. My appointments start at 12:40 check-in time.” The drive to Duke in Durham, NC is 1 hour, 15 minutes away. He says ok and walks out of my office. He also wants to go to the Scrap Exchange to shop for art supplies for his future assemblages. I am not sure if I will be in the mood to spend an additional hour in the store after my appointments but I definitely do not want to risk being distracted by shopping before my appointments. The last one today is a blood-draw for at 2:40 PM. Seems like we can revisit that possibility after I am finished with my appointments today and depending on what mood I am in.

low spot

Yesterday, after being inundated on TV and online with metastatic breast cancer treatment ads, I was feeling hopeless and defeated and angry. I had troubled dreams all night. This morning, I spent a large amount of time listening to Senator Cory Booker's marathon speech. He is amazing and I am glad we have people like him and Raphael Warnock in our government, fighting the good fight.

starting cancer treatment

I spent most of Wednesday at Duke Cancer center. Karen accompanied me there and drove. 

now I am a cancer patient

I had a biopsy done on Fat Tuesday, March 4. I got my test results on the following Friday. I have breast cancer. I have what looks like I have what is probably stage 1 invasive breast cancer. Invasive Ductal Carcinoma 7 - 8mm They started to put me off til the end of April to make an appointment to consult with doctors at Atrium. My friend Karen, who was with me when I got the results, immediately spoke up and said I wanted to go to Duke. She already had the new patient contact information for Duke and she is shepherding me to go straight to Duke with this. I’d have to wait until Monday to hear from Atrium or Duke about sending my records and samples to Duke. Here’s hoping I can get in ASAP to deal with this. The good news today is I got my first trio of appointments at Duke scheduled for Wednesday, March 26, starting at 9:00AM, with the last appointment of the day starting at 1:00PM. Karen is going with me on Wednesday to my appointments in Durham, NC.

Looking for Spring

It is still lonely and boring here in North Carolina. Wondering if I should attempt to arrange any sort of Spring holiday-ish gathering at the house with friends and nearby neighbors. I doubt anyone will come but I still have an urge to try. I wish someone here would invite me to such a nearby event on a day that I don't have to be at the dress shop. Saint Patrick's Day is on a Monday this year. Maybe a potluck Irish-themed brunch on Sunday? What about an all-age alternative to an Easter Egg (without real eggs) hunt to celebrate the beginning of Spring? My calendar tells me that Spring Equinox is Thursday, March 20 and all Spring holidays seem to include eggs in the mix somewhere.

my medical schedule is looking geriatric

I had my first mammogram since 2018 last Tuesday. Late this afternoon, I got a call from Atrium. They want me to have a diagnostic mammogram and an ultrasound as soon as possible. To satisfy work RTO requirements, the soonest I can make an appointment for that is March 4. Hopefully, they will approve that at work so I don't have to lie and call in "sick". I already put in RTO requests in for both days. After everyone refusing to see me even for well-checks without full insurance since I lost my last full-time job during the Covid shut-down, I'm finally getting the tests I should have been having annually for the last four years. My regular doctor still doesn't have time for my Welcome-To-Medicare checkup until May 13. I am still trying to figure out what's going on with my back and side, other than routine sciatica pain. It has been going on since April 13, when I woke up and could not even tie my shoes, and X-ray and MRI tests say there is nothing wrong with me. It is a lot better but it is still bad enough to prevent me from traveling far in a car or being able to sit down too long at my desk; although when it first started, I could not bear to drive or sit upright at all. So, I've gotten much better all by myself but I really need my fully-functioning life back. I have one more orthopedic appointment on March 6 - I think this will be the last one I make for my back.

Saturday

This is a rare Saturday that I'm not working at the dress shop. Rather than sleeping in, I had an anxiety attack that woke me up at 4:30 AM. I tried to stay in bed but I gave up a bit before 6:00 AM and started trying to quietly put things away and clean up the kitchen. MonsterMustDie woke up not much later and made coffee. Around 11:00 AM, we pulled some of the plastic bins down from the attic and began putting away the holiday decorations. Then we had lunch with Karen & Bob at Taste of Troy, a Greek restaurant in Jamestown. I had the vegetarian moussaka and MonsterMustDie had the gyro. After that, we continued working on putting up decorations and breaking down the tree.

Winter Holidays 2024

We cleaned up the area around the microwave oven and burned scented candles all day to remove some of the smoke smell in the house. For Winter Solsice at our house, I kept a scented candle in the kitchen, den, and living room. None of the people I invited from work came to Winter Solstice. We had less guests than last year, with only Michael and Marcia, Karen and Bob showing up but the six of us enjoyed great conversation with like-minded people until about 11:00 PM when I had to let everyone know I worked at 7:00 AM in the morning. At the end of the night, we got the gas log fireplace in the living room burning for a few minutes, which was the Yule log for this year. It took three men to figure out how to get it going and I made sure all of it was off before everyone left just so I could be sure we left nothing on. Christmas Eve, I worked until 6:30 PM. Got home before 7:00 PM and we snacked on leftovers from Winter Solstice. Christmas Day was spent with Bob and Karen and Meg in Greensboro. They made a fabulous meal of a huge rib roast, potatoes, brussels sprouts, and carrots. There was, of course, apple pie and ice cream for desert. We were there from around 3:30 til 8:00 PM. We came home and I put up more leftovers and watched TV for a little while after MonsterMustDie went to bed.

Christmas Dinner 

Burnt

I got home just before midnight last night and the entire house smelled like walking into a bag of blackened burned popcorn. Looked in the oven for signs of distress and it was clean. Looked in the trash for the remains of what burned and found nothing.

Then I started worrying that something might actually be just starting to burn in the house and decided to wake MonsterMustDie up. My first question was "Did you burn something in the kitchen?" His reply was "No." When I told him the house smelled like something burning and asked if he smelled it, he said everything was fine. I looked in the attic. I looked in the basement. Nothing. Then he got up wild-eyed and came into the kitchen and finally confessed, matter-of-factly like he hadn't just denied it twice, that he burned something in the microwave. He still has not told me what it was or how he disposed of it. I think I can assume he threw the smouldering remains into the back yard to get it out of the house fast and that's why I didn't find it in the trash. The microwave was coated with a brown film. I unplugged it as a reminder not to use it until I get to check it for damage and try to thoroughly clean it. He then refused to go back to bed and started attempting to clean it with paper towels and scented countertop cleaner, which I unsuccessfully tried to make him stop using. Today the house still smells awful. We're both trying to wipe down every surface and burning scented candles now to mask the odor.

How to you burn something to bits in a microwave when you have to set a timer for everything?

clogged

I just tried to take some trash to the backroom compactor door and OMFG the back room is completely packed to the doors with merchandise.  It's like everything we should have had all season came in today. If a fire breaks out in front of the store, we're all dying because no one can climb through to the back doors. 

a cold December night.

We had an unexpected light dusting of snow last night.  

It's stunning cold tonight. I came home from work 11:30ish to find MonsterMustDie had cranked the heat up to 75 degrees again before he went to bed. I nudged the thermostat down to a still-cozy 70 before getting ready for bed. 

Halloween Eve

Working tonight at the dress shop. Taking tomorrow off work and looking forward to Halloween, which is my favorite holiday. We haven't done anything very Halloweenie this year other than decorate the front yard with a slimmed down version of the graveyard scene. MonsterMustDie has no energy for anything and doesn't want me to take anything on alone. Between his health problems with cancer, my back issues that might be sciatica or a torn muscle (my doctor has fired me for not having insurance. I can't afford any insurance without a full-time job.) there's not much to do here. The flood damage in Western North Carolina which means we are not visiting friends in Black Mountain or going to any of the festivals in Brevard or Asheville. Nothing happens here in the WASP retirement village that is High Point, NC. My physical pain is a lot better but I still can't sit at my desk long enough to work on art or go through tutorials to stay up-to-date in the remote chance of getting any freelance work. I do a lot of posting and reading standing up at the kitchen counter when he's not home. When he comes home, I try to be quiet while he spends hours scrolling through Facebook or eBay. When he goes to bed, I can stretch out on the love seat with Bluetooth headphones and watch shows or movies he has no interest in and criticizes me for enjoying, saying it's shallow, stupid, or unsophisticated. When he has control of the TV, he just watches fantasy and Japanese animation. Lately, all he watches is Rings of Power... which has made me kinda hate all the things I used to love about the stories of J.R. Tolkein. I am still struggling with my sorry realtor who has control of my condo in Atlanta. Half of the time, I want to move back there. Half of the time, I feel desperate to gain control of it just long enough to have Cindi sell it so I never have to try to manage a place I'm not currently living in. Then again, if anything happens to MonsterMustDie, I suspect I will be homeless if I don't have a way to escape this place and move back to Atlanta.