breath

Just so you know: I just got phone calls from Rachael Perry and Andy Perry letting me know that my mother, Loretta Perry is in the hospital tonight. She came in today with shortness of breath, after having trouble breathing all night. They are keeping her overnight at Kennestone Hospital for tests and observation. No clue what is going on yet. Andy and Mom said it might just be bronchitis but, if memory serves me right, this is not the first time she's suffered from shortness of breath recently. 

Trouble breathing seems to be the tale of many around me this month. This week is on the end of a long illness that my pal Mrs. Lounge has had several weeks now that started as a cold, developed into brochitis, and then further evolved into a fungal respiratory infection brought on by the after affects of antibiotics for the bronchitis and her own constant burning the candle at both ends between work, sick animals, and home maintenance. She had the clue she might need to chill and let herself get better last week when she had a fainting spell at Publix. 

Meanwhile, MonsterMustDie is ill from what we hope is just the effects of too much dust and paint fumes from work as they ready the warehouse for its new occupant, his new corporate employer. We're crossing our fingers and toes that he is not developing bronchitis or something worse. 

As for myself, I'm fine. My only problem is losing my eyesight (getting very night-blind from early cataracts, which will have to be dealt with soon but not immediately). 

missing a human connection

I miss him and think of him every day. I know I can not have him. He deserves to be happy. He is an extraordinary man and a traditional southern gentleman. The fact that he means so much to me makes him one of a kind.

Always seeking what I can never have.

I have been in the wrong place for too many years. Most days I feel as if I've lost myself forever.

He finally phoned on my birthday and offered to "put a smile on (my) face" for my birthday. This threw my heart and brain into an incredible conflict and my mood into a horrible downward spiral that I could not break out of the rest of the day. I had to refuse the offer because he supposedly is in a relationship now and I can not share or risk an impromptu visit from the competition. He is the only one I want but if I'd taken his offer, I doubt he would have any respect for me.

I keep thinking of his stories, of talking with him for hours, of long silver hair and eyes like winter sky.

lost in the ether

My attempt to get to work this morning using the live navigator was a huge fail. For reasons that only Google can fathom, my navigator took me to the geographic, rather than street address, of the company I work at part time. I ended up after several turns on small streets at a dead end cul-de-sac that was behind the company. At the point where the Navigator said “Your destination is on the left” I could see the loading docks at the back of the building through the trees and chain link fence to the side of the road. I had to back track, change Navigation options and app, and use a bit of my own bad sense of direction to get to work. What should have been a 30 minute drive took 45 minutes, so at least it got me in the neighborhood before throwing me into the unknown. Urgh!

too much wine

Had dinner with friends tonight and opened my mouth a bit too much.

Now, MonsterMustDie does not even want to speak to me tonight. He's that mad.

Note to self: Shut The Fuck Up about your personal, family, and financial life.

Saturday

Very good quality was spent having dinner with a pal last night. I'd love to have more evenings like that, with quality time and meaningful conversation to catch up with each other on what is actually going on in our lives.

Not much else happened since the interview. I went in for a short day to work in Tucker on Friday. Still looking for work or affordable classes wherever I can find either. I know I need to learn Java Script, maybe PHP, and MYSQL, and improve my Dreamweaver skills. I still question the use of CSS, at least from Adobe and MS apps, since it sometimes creates conflicts. Flash seems to have become a thing of the past now. I am not sure what else I could add to my skill set that would improve my ability to find work.

Today, I am planning to be at the East Atlanta Strut, which begins soon at 10:00 a.m. and goes on 11:00 p.m. tonight. Room mate wants to go and bring friends from the neighborhood, so I need to wake him up soon. I am sure it will be a long walk from where we are able to park to the festival by the time we get there. Taking a cab from a public parking lot in a nearby neighborhood would be sooooo much easier but I don't think I will be able to talk them into it. We'll see how easy it is to go there - I could be wrong.

Good Omens

Just when I start feeling sorry for myself in my jobless state again, I get a phone call from one of the temp agencies I am listed with. I have an interview on Thursday morning for a new temporary assignment, which actually happens to be closer to where I will be house-sitting next month than el Rancho. Wish me luck!

In other news, MonsterMustDie and his good cousin finally have his mother out of the neurological facility and in a nursing home. It is an old residence where other members of their family have spent their final years. They have her sleep and meds regulated now and she is much better. She still recognizes her son and niece and is healing from the injuries of weeks ago when she kept falling while in an over/wrongly medicated daze.

Last weekend was big. Saturday night I went with friends to the Beltline Lantern Parade.

Sunday was spent at the neighborhood pool celebrating a friend's birthday. A friend baked a home-made birthday cake that matched the bright Tiki party color theme.

Changes

MonsterMustDie's mother is still in the medical facility while they are trying to stabilize her sleep patterns. After that, she should be moving into a nursing home. She is no longer capable of living in a managed care residence. He is still under a lot of stress over all the changes in his life now. He told me that, while it was hard when his father died slowly and painfully, his mother's passing is hitting him much harder than the loss of his father ever could. I am eternally thankful for his cousin who is handling nearly everything that needs to be done for his mother in Alabama.

I will have more time on my hands soon. The part time temp position will be ending soon. They are out of work for me and now I am only going in one or two days a week. The production manager told me fall is always a slow time for them, when they let all the temps go, but the slow-down is coming a lot earlier again this year. I'm looking for any work I can get again, any day of the week. I can move my schedule around at the temp job, which is a low priority now. It's a shame they aren't busier since they seem to like me a lot there.

Next month, I will be house & cat sitting for a month for friends who will be traveling and working in three different countries. I think I will enjoy the "vacation" from el Rancho for a while. Meanwhile, temping and movie extra work keep me on an extremely early schedule, rising at 5:00 a.m., which will necessitate my staying overnight at the house to ensure I have time in the mornings to see to the cats before going to work. Of course, I will be visiting Rancho de WereMonster, but I will not be sleeping here at all.

Looking forward to changes.

sleepless

I'm up early, after getting out of bed 1st at 3:00am-ish to check on MonsterMustDie, who was sleeping on the sofa, and 2nd at 5:00am after being kept awake by the rain that is now slowing down. It has been a bad couple of weeks for MonsterMustDie and his mother, who is an Alzheimer's patient. When she moved into a managed care facility a few weeks ago, she appeared to be very over-medicated when he and his cousin visited her. Then she got worse in days and was stumbling, falling, and incoherent. They had asked for anti-depressants for her at the residence. Things were suggested to her personal physician who, not to be ordered around, prescribed something completely different. As it turns out, her doctor in Alabama prescribed drugs that have actually sped the Alzheimer's disease progression. She is at a medical facility now that is doing a study of her, and while she is awake more often now, the damage the drug did to her was described as setting her brain on fire. She will have to go into nursing home when she leaves the medical facility. They do not expect any improvement at this point.

The stress is getting to him. Stress trying to remotely care for his mother, with the help of his cousin. Stress from his job ending and waiting for a new job to begin, though that situation is going very well - his previous boss from the current job will be hiring him and another co-worker at the company that he's moved to - meanwhile, he has to keep dealing with helping the people firing them with managing and moving the warehouse and what is left of the Atlanta showroom to NJ and NY respectively. Stress from me being out of work for over two years without any unemployment benefits. It seems like it would be a perfect time for him to move back to Alabama but that is not what he wants to do. He is staying here and waiting for things to work themselves out.

total recall

I've been cat napping a lot this afternoon. Can't seem to stay awake for long today but the dreams have been amazing. Once again, dream-remembering places and events inside dreams as if they actually happened. I dream of remembering places, schools, and even people that never existed. I dream of buildings and activites in great detail and of people who died a long time ago as if they had been around all along. They appear not as they were then, but as how they would be now.

Home Bound

MonsterMustDie is in Alabama for the day, taking care of his mother. I loaned him my car for the trip. He dropped me off at work this morning and I was lucky enough to get a ride home after work today from a neighbor. Now, I'm stuck at home without a car for the remains of the evening. I'm hoping someone will phone with an offer to go out to dinner or maybe even a ride to the Tiki party that I had and interest in attending tonight. The rainy weather makes this seem like a perfect night for sushi, fire, and rum drinks. Meanwhile, there are bills to pay and cats to feed.

Boom Boom

MonsterMustDie was a a car wreck yesterday. Not his fault, so the other driver's insurance should be paying for most repairs. Fortunately, he was not hurt, except for a contusion in his left hand from the air bag. I'll be driving him around today and tomorrow he is planning to borrow my car to drive to Alabama to move his mother into a managed care facility, now that her Alzheimer's disease has gotten too severe for her to be left alone. He'll take the car after dropping me off at work early in the morning. Not yet sure how I'll be getting back home tomorrow afternoon.

Summer Gatherings

June 23 was our Summer Solstice Party & Potluck. It was a large project that was my first attempt at taking advantage of the large back yard we have at Rancho de WereMonster by entertaining outdoors. The idea to have live music played at the party came from The Soogs, who wanted to play in front of people for the first time in years. I invited anyone who wanted to participate to play as well. We started out with six bands or individuals who wanted to play and by the party, that list was whittled down to four who could actually make the party. Four was a much more manageable list to be finished by 10 pm, which is generally the legal limit for outdoor music/noise in residential areas - not that there were anyone immediate to the house that would be disturbed. What makes our back yard perfect for music is we are surrounded by a very good sound buffer. Neighbors to the right of us crank their stereo up to sound like a rave is going on whenever they are not in the house. Th neighbors across the street are always asking if they are too noisy because of the large commercial quality sound system they have. Behind us is the roar of Pleasantdale Road. To our right is a park. No problem, except for the Republicans up the street who did not appreciate the cars - none of which were blocking anyone. That is a house too far up the street even be bothered by sound and who always have a large number of cars parked in their driveway, yard and up the street so it was a bit of a surprise when they called the police on our party at 7pm. The police hung out, told us not to stop the party, just watch the volume levels, and were has nice as they could be. The music went on until 10pm wiith no problem. MonsterMustDie was upset at the site of police but I think by now he's mostly gotten over it. I am hoping he lets me have another party like the Summer Solstice Potluck next year. Preferably if The Soogs and others are willing, I would do this again in the Spring, when the weather is a bit cooler. We were lucky enough to have the party on the last weekend of tolerable temperatures before the real heat wave hit last week. I am extremely grateful to Brian, Paul, and Joe for volunteering to build the stage and to Allen for bringing his lighting and sound equipment. The extra trash bins that Brian brought were also a big help and kept me from scrabbling as much all day to empty trash and clean up. They made the party a huge success. There was a lot of good eats and enough left overs to skip buying groceries the week afterward and that kinda helped out with the overall cost of things. I really should have provided an donation jar of some sort just in case anyone wanted to contribute to paying off this event or paying for the next gathering. 

Last weekend, the one thing I did was go to a Grateful Gluttons potluck gathering at the Ryttershire. The heat was so oppressive I had a headache the next morning from dehydration despite bringing a large bottle of water that I emptied while I was there. It is always great to see everyone there in Grant Park. The food was good. Note: IMHO deviled eggs should never made with sweet pickles, even if they are home made. The pickles were very good on their own or on crackers but not in other foods. The pickled watermelon rinds were good and tart and crunchy - quite refreshing. I brought a small batch of home made blueberry hand pies. Didn't make as many as I'd planned because I did not have quite enough dough. I should stock lots of frozen pasty next time or start earlier and double crust recipes. I should also remember to bring an extra bag of ice to any summer gathering, whether it is asked for or not - that seems like something there is never enough of. 

The final act at the Summer Solstice Potluck was Jerome Newton - a bit of classic glam including old Bowie and Eno. 

every other day

I am, for the time being, working three days a week - Monday, Wednesday, and Friday. This effectively makes every other day a weekend and every day after that a Monday all over again. I am currently on the Saturday-Monday cycle. Today is Saturday again. Tomorrow is Monday for the second time this week.

In other news, last night I went with our neighbor, Amanda, to an India vegetarian cooking class at the Buford Highway Farmers Market. Came home with a grocery gift certificate, a handful of loose recipes, and a belly full of fresh Indian food. Last night was the first time I've made it to one of the BHFM cooking classes after intending check it out for months. Thanks to Amanda, I had the nudge to do it by knowing I had someone to go with. I'd like to attend other classes as often as money and time will allow. It gives me an opportunity to get out of the house and be around other people as well as learn something new. All good things.

This evening I have more social plans. Looking forward to meeting Mrs. Lounge and J.Paul for dinner in the VA Highlands neighborhood. Because of my current financial status, I'll actually be eating a small meal before I leave the house so I won't be tempted to spend too much at the restaurant. I've been having a lot of appetizer plates or soup at dinner out with friends and that seems to be a good system for me at this time. Drinks are, of course, completely out of the question. I have not been drinking coffee or spiritous beverages since I had food poisoning a couple of weeks ago. I plan to stay off alcohol and caffeine for a long time for both financial and health reasons. I am sure I will make an exception if I am presented with a situations where the vice is free and the quality is good.

health, mind, and the approach of summer

My body is falling apart this month. The week before Memorial Day I was downed by a 3-part combination of head cold, food poisoning, and caffeine withdrawal. I'm still waking up a bit stiff in the neck and back each morning with a slight headache. The head cold is still barely hanging on mostly as a sore thoat but I'm definitely on the mend on all sides.

This weekend has been less productive than it could have been but not too bad, all the same. Missed Rock & Roll MonsterBash at the Starlight Drive-In, which probably would have been pushing my physical limits after the food poisoning I had over the Memorial Day weekend. I did make it the the Indie Craft Experience show at Ambient Plus Studio.

Still trying to put things together for the summer party. Suffering from a lot of tunnel vision in my thoughts. Kinda a forest and trees scenario in my mind this week. I focus on one thing to the extent that everything else is out of sight. Perhaps this is a lingering result of the past couple of weeks.