I must not think bad thoughts.

It's been a crazy month, starting with a co-worker backing into my car at the end of a work day, followed by his insurance declaring my car totalled. I could get not-quite-enough to fix my ugly old car and keep it under a "salvage" title or get twice as much, which would help with a down payment on a new car. I've decided it's time to let go of my 2007 Honda Civic and try to find an affordable newer used car to replace it. I need a car that is road-worthy enough for trips out of town, mostly to Atlanta for visits, and this car is past that now. The insurance company will pick up the car on Monday. I'll have a rental car for up to 12 days while I shop for a new car, which I can't buy until 1. I get paid for my old car by the insurance company and 2. I have someone to go car shopping with so I don't get stomped on by car salepeople. 

MonsterMustDie has been in Chicago for two weeks now, working. He comes home tomorrow night.

My friend Jae's memorial service is this Saturday morning in Conyers, Georgia. I tried to get off work at both jobs to go down on Friday for it but was only able to get time off my weekend part-time job for it. My full-time job has been too busy this month to give me an extra day to make the drive down. Instead, I'll be hitting the road around 4:00 a.m. on Saturday. Because he will be home by then, MonsterMustDie wants to come with me to the memorial for Jae but he is insisting on driving straight back to North Carolina because he only wants to sleep in his own bed. So we will be making an insane trip with no extra time to chill out before coming back home again the same day. We could easily stay with friends and rest that night before being back on the road Sunday morning and home in plenty of time but he's not having it.

And, did I mention his car has no passenger-side air bag? It's been recalled for years now with this flaw and he refuses to inconvenience himself by taking it in to have the airbag replaced for free.

I know I complain too much. Gotta work on that. I must be more optimistic.
Good side is my partner wants to be with me for the memorial service and I'll be buying a new car soon. And there are fireflies tonight in the back yard.

romance

I want passion in my life.
I want art and creativity in my life.
I want romance, which is the natural by-product of passion and art in my life.

None of us are strangers to Death.

Got the call this afternoon from Sandy that J has passed. Any memorial arrangements will not be made until after her son graduates high school at the end of May.
Meanwhile,  another friend's stepfather had died on good Friday,  choosing to opt out rather than go into hospice care.
It's a dark Spring this year.

 Here is the last photo of all of us together before my wedding a couple of years ago.
Women's Night group will never be complete again without J's wit, humor, and bold opinions.

mixed reviews

I had my annual check-up two weeks ago with my new doctor, who I've only seen once before. She is concerned how high in iron and platelettes my blood is. My blood has always been very “rich”. In retrospect, I remember doctors marveling how high in iron it was when I was a young child. My mother was quite proud of that because she and my grandmother always had bouts of anemia. I am the opposite of anemic. No one ever showed concern about it. My doctor in Atlanta attributed it to being part of the symptoms of Gilbert's Syndrome, which I aparently have. My new doctor in North Carolina does not want to consider this harmless and/or genetic without further tests. I still test high on cholesterol but mostly with a healthy balance.
Last week, I had blood drawn after my follow-up appointment to test for hemochromatosis, a very recessive genetic trait, but tests came back negative for the genes responsible for that condition. "Hfe H63D Genotype = Not Present - Normal Genotype"  Meanwhile, I should probably stick to a low-iron, low-fat diet. That sounds like a vegetarian diet to me, which I'm very comfortable with - and my doctor said I did not have to cut out red wine or any other spiritous beverages just because my liver is weird.

This week's book is The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A Fuck - a counterintuitive approach to living a good life. Here's hoping I can be better at getting my zen on.

work. life.

I am sick and tired of frozen entrees for every meal and a partner who usually does not want to eat home-cooked meals in the evening.
I made MonsterMustDie go to dinner with me (I paid) at a new restaurant in town tonight, Blue Magnolia. It was exactly what I needed - food made from scratch with fresh ingredients that never saw the inside of a freezer and were not over-seasoned. We split an appetizer of "Grit Tots" and an entree of Pot Roast. MonsterMustDie had a couple of Wicked Weed Pernicious beer on tap.

Yay, coworkers! I love it when someone has my back when I need it.

The cold I had last weekend is mostly gone now except for a froggy throat. Very froggy. Can't raise my voice to speak clearly again yet.

Tonight, I work at the dress shop for 5 hours. Tomorrow, when I'm off work entirely, I will no doubt be trying to decide what to do with myself.

work. frustration. sickness

MonsterMustDie had a cold last week. Two weeks ago GT had a killer cold that left him face down on his desk at work. I’ve been fighting off a cold on the verge all week.
Thursday, I had a dermatologist appointment in the late afternoon around 3:40pm. We have been working longer hours this week until 6:30pm rather than 5:00pm with a half hour shorter lunch break to make up for plans to have our part of the office vacated for a commercial video shoot on Friday. I had a group of photos with complicated shapes and shadows I was madly editing to make up for a really bad set that didn’t quite cover nearly a quarter of the image and numerous cock-ups with the product staging. I was planning to leave at 3pm and probably come back after my appointment to continue alterations on images that had no disclosed deadline on the database. Just before I left the office, they announced that the studio and digital department would be closing at  3pm for the day instead. GT told me to go ahead and upload all of the images for the client. I explained how the last few were not done and looked really bad, even though I had already built all of the components to rebuild the images but, no matter, he told me to go ahead and blindly upload what I had to them. Ugh! I let my department manager know what was up and he simply said if GT told me to do it, send it that way. I am fully expecting some very bad responses by Monday.
The doctor's appointment went fine, BTW. Just a little aesthetic thingie he took off my back.

By Friday morning the cold came into full bloom. There was nothing I could do for the first two hours after waking up other than try to sit upright, crusty eyes closed, with what felt like a migrain headache. On top of that, the other symptoms made me feel nauseated. I called off work at the dress shop in the evening and spent the rest of the day wishing I was not awake. I drank a lot of water and slept in the guest room with the humidifier running. I'm sleeping upright-ish with a lot of pillows behind me.

Saturday was a lot better in the morning. Woke up snotty but mobile. Spent most of the day chilling on the sofa. MonsterMustDie and I have spent this weekend watching the first few episodes of Umbrella Academy. I'm living on soup and cold remedies.

Today,  the worse thing is the constant cough. My head feels like it will explode every time I cough and I'm doing the best I can to avoid coughing too much. Staying well-hydrated and upright helps a lot.

Post-Holiday Lull

We are still in the post-holiday lulls here. Work is slow but they are keeping me on and, for that, I am grateful but I spend most of my weekdays reading and asking if there is anything I can do.
My weekend job is at one day a week, usually just four hours for now but I don't mind not having to be standing for hours - everything from the waist down can not handle standing in place for long periods of time anymore.

Drunken Christmas

Monstermustdie is so drunk that I don't know if we can make it to meet friends for brunch tomorrow.

Christmas in Atlanta

We made the 6-hour drive down to our old neighborhood in Atlanta on Christmas eve to spend the holiday with friends and family.  We split up our stay there between Staying with friends Cindi and John on the first two days before house-sitting for Daniel and Sam later in the week.
We returned to North Carolina on December 29, leaving early in the morning. I wish we had stayed until the afternoon of the 30th but MonsterMustDie was in a hurry to be home. He had already had enough of the city. I could see his anxiety rising as we crossed I-285 going into Atlanta and he did not relax again until we were back in the house.
I tried to get together with my friend J, who lives out of town in Conyers while we were there but was not able to meet up with her or visit her new home in Conyers. Every attempt did not work out. That does not mean I'm not extremely grateful for the time I had to visit. This was my first trip home in a long time and, if I am lucky enough to stay employed here, the only time I will ever have to travel will be the week after Christmas from now on.
I got to see a lot of friends. I got to have dinner out with my family. I shopped at the Buford Highway Farmers Market on my way out of town to pick up some treats and I stopped in one liquor store and got one bottle of very nice brandy that I can't find in the entire state of North Carolina and its ABC stores.

snow

We are still edging back into a normal schedule after being shut down here in North Carolina from the snow this weekend. This was the most snow I have seen since we moved here.
Everything was closed down Sunday. The studio was closed Monday but the dress shop was calling everyone, including me, trying to find people to show up for work that day. I suppose the corporate office in NYC saw snow days as no excuse to close doors and stay home. They just don't get it. Plus, people who work in retail usually have old tiny cars that could not make it over snow banks and ice walls like pickup trucks and SUVs the size of tanks attempt to do. I must remember to just stay parked uphill in my driveway next time, rather than parking on the street as if I can drive out of the neighborhood, because there is no getting out of our street in my car anyway. The county snow plows did clear the main streets around us but left walls of snow and ice to either side blocking all of the driveways and side streets.
I made it into work a couple of hours late on Tuesday with MonsterMustDie driving me to work in his slightly better car after he finally negotiated parking lots, hills, and streets to circle back around and pick me up in front of the house. He'll do it again today and by tomorrow I should be able to make it to work as usual. He learned to drive in the midwest and lived a number of years in Ohio as a young adult so he still has good winter driving skills. I am not a snow driver. I hate driving even in good weather and clear streets.
Speaking of parking on the street, I now remember that last time it snowed and MonsterMustDie parked on the street, his car was broken into and windows were smashed. Luckily, no one tried to get into my car but I would have stayed parked uphill next to the back door if I'd remembered that.

Clearly, I need to get tall boots and better outdoor clothes if it snows like this again, although by the time it does, if it does, the shops will probably be filled with sundresses and beach gear.

What I learned today

Mudlarking
A mudlark is someone who scavenges in river mud for items of value, a term used especially to describe those who scavenged this way in London during the late 18th and 19th centuries.

Things are better today.

The doctor took off my tape and gauze yesterday and I got to shower and wash my hair last night. Hooray! I still have white threads from the gauze patch stuck to my chest where they glued me shut.

Cat Burglar

Today at work,  several people said I look like a cat burglar in my black knit cap and turtleneck.  I haven't been able to wash my hair in the shower since my surgery last Tuesday so I'm finding different ways to cover my greasy head.
They taped me shut with a small gauze pad at the top that I can't get wet.  Today is my postoperative consultation and I hope I get a more solid schedule on my postoperative care.

Update: The doctor removed my tape and gauze bandage, revealing just stitches and glue... with a few shreds of the gauze attached. He said I can stop babying the wound now and take a shower without fear of getting the surgical site wet.