Search This Blog

Thursday, March 22, 2012

quiet life

The song in my head when I woke up with this morning was Death Or Glory by The Clash.

I had dreams of a gigantic stone mosaic in a Japanese sculpture exhibit. It was nearly three stories tall, made of granite and marble in various shades of gray and the image on it - was a chair. It was an enormous monument to a mid-century modern chair.

My life is too boring lately.

Tonight, after juggling events and friends, I have plans to attend the neighborhood ladies Bunco game. In celebration of Spring, I am bringing roast asparagus wrapped in pancetta with a side of meatless roast asparagus. I hope the ladies like it.

Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Vernal Equinox 2012

As it turns out, I did get a bit of activity last week. Started with having a photo gig fall through that was immediately replaced by two all-night extras gigs that paid more. Followed that with one entire day spent mostly sleeping. Housemate said he was starting to become concerned about my 24-hour nap after the 48-hours of activity. I was kinda okay with having two days of nothing after that.

Saturday was Saint Patrick’s day and it was spent at two different birthday parties for friends.

Sunday was spent recovering from Saturday. Mostly, MonsterMustDie needed to recover from being a little too drinky on Saturday. I put more of the tomato seedlings I started in the garden as well as leeks that I decided to try this year.

Monday, I had an evening production meeting for the short film project I am a part of.

Today, I'm back to really wanting some more activity. The morning was spent thus far weeding the front yard a bit, trimming back the “monkey grass” and listening to music loudly while considering the future. I really need to live more in the now - the future just makes me anxious. Now, by afternoon, I've decided I've spent enough time outdoors with the temperature climbing and the second or third day of record-breaking pollen counts. Fortunately, the pollen has not bothered me at all yet but I don’t think I should push my luck, despite not being allergic.

Tuesday, March 13, 2012

bad week

I had a good dinner with several friends on Sunday evening at Rose of India. Seems like everyone has been having a bad week. My little problems have been small compared to what else has gone on around me - embezzling, suicide, death (by natural and unnatural causes), etc. Crazy things were going on this week.

I thought I had my federal income tax filed that afternoon but by the evening I had an email that my form was rejected for having the wrong birthdate. The IRS had my birthdate wrong. They also wanted to know where I was born and I have no public record on my birth place. I was told I would have to go to an office with my birth certificate in hand.

Monday was full of complications. I went to the IRS downtown to deal with the issue of my birth certificate, full of anxiety, and was fortunate enough to have very little wait before being helped by real human beings on the other side of the counter. After that, I phoned MonsterMustDie to let him know that things were presumably worked out on my relationship with the IRS and he insisted that I should go to the SSA office, on the 28th floor of the same building, to be certain that my Social Security account was okay. So I walked back inside and up the elevator for a longer wait to speak to someone at the SSA office. The woman behind the thick glass had a severe speech impediment. Between her way of speaking, the acoustics of the room, and probably my own old rocker ears, it was a bit like a Monty Python sketch understanding what she was saying and then waiting several minutes while she peered at a monitor in long gaps before the next question would arise. All I know is she said I was okay and a new card would be mailed out to me. Then my time was up and she was on to the next person waiting. I didn't get to ascertain that the card would come to my post office box and not my very insecure street address at the midtown condo, where my voter registration still resides - and where I might return some day. I know Elena will let me know promptly if I get any mail there.

Storm clouds but no storm here today. Just a drizzling now and then. The forecast has tomorrow being very warm with a high in the 80's. I'm feeling anxious tonight with nothing lined up for tomorrow.

Saturday, March 10, 2012

T shirt for sale

First  prints of the T-shirts we will be selling to raise money for making Zombie Crush, a short film made for kids by kids.



Tuesday, March 06, 2012

rant

Forgive me for complaining. Please look away if you don't want to be brought down. I just have to get this out now and then.

I hate living in my current situation without the steady income that would give me the freedom to live independently. It's like living alone without any of the benefits of shaping my own life. I miss the freedom to come and go as I please and take part in things that really interest me. I hate living without love or sex or shared activities that I feel should be part of a relationship. I hate feeling like I am always on a leash. I hate the feeling of impending doom from my withering savings. I do not want to be here.

All of this was made especially painful today by the fact that I have no prospects at the moment and no temp work this week. I had a bit of work editing photoshop files for friends last week, which I am very grateful for, but that work has already run dry and I don't see anything else coming to me any time soon. My room mate is more controlling as time goes on. My taxes still aren't done and that is hanging heavily over me and the room mate, who said he would do them two weeks ago, still has not touched that job and I don't have a CPA to do it for me.

Lack of money affects how I socialize, how I eat, how healthy a lifestyle I can keep, my appearance, my ability to travel. I don't qualify for any sort of college loan and no real college will let me start classes with out a guarantee of a loan. Even if I do find a way to go back to school, I am apparently too old to be hired by anyone so I still have to fend for myself regardless of whether I have a new degree or certification of any sort. I am over qualified to be hired in anything simple like retail and I have no recent retail experience because I have worked so long in corporate or specifically skilled jobs.

My 401k and retirement funds disappeared when my father died and my brother said he had no idea where they were. I suspect that I have paid a large part of my niece and nephew's college education. When I changed jobs, I let my father handle moving the 401k to my mutual funds account. My father put my brother in charge of my funds before he died. It was not a huge fortune that would keep my for the rest of my days, but it was a substantial amount that might have funded classes, new equipment, and independence. The only income I have these days is the rent I get from my condo. I'm not sure if that small amount is worth it by the time I pay my half of the rent here. It keeps me afloat but just barely.

Anyway, life would be happier if I had at least one or two of these things I lack. A job would solve most of my problems immediately. I always seem to be tied down by one thing or another in this life. I run from captivity into a box. I form relationships with people who move to places I can not follow them to. I pick the wrong industry to make my career in.

Sunday, March 04, 2012

Billboard in Sandy Springs

I don't think this is a good recommendation for choosing a dentist.