White Wine In The Sun by Tim Minchin

Got this from my pal Chaz, who had this to say in introduction of the video.

Sometimes, it takes an Australian* Atheist comedian to get to the real reason for the season and wrap it in pretty chords. Give it the full 6.5 minutes and maybe you'll get chills and perhaps a tear in your eye. You have to get past the comedy to get to the season reasoning, and for the song to become a promise to his newborn daughter.

*As Mr. Minchin is Australian, you have to keep in mind that when X-mas rolls around it's summer down under. Hence the white wine and not rum laced egg nog.

Imaginary Friends

MonsterMustDie had an imaginary friend as a child, named Mr. Pinky, who was a ghost, who ran on on batteries. You had to put batteries in him or he couldn't fly. And Mr. Pinky had a friend named Mr. Boss, who was a cigar-smoking clam.

He's telling me this story from his childhood and he adds "This is real. I'm not making this up" which sounds really strange. 

Holiday gatherings

I made it through the 15-hour days last week and was a bit broken physically by it. Legs, hips, and back were hurting from standing most of the day on a cold concrete floor. I don't think I could have made it through one more day of that kind of work without more serious consequences. I will continue to recover from the sleep deficit for the next several days. I have to admit that days lasting 15 hours made the 104-mile (round trip) commute more worthwhile than if I'd only worked 8 or 10 hours. Still not sure if it was worth the travel time and gasoline but I do have a paycheck to look forward to for what was minimum wage work that I could not have done without a car.


We got through what will probably be the last Winter Solstice party here at el Rancho de WereMonster. Someone was a complete bastard about the entire affair this year and had nothing but complaints about poor turnout and lack of appreciation and manners, for whatever reason. Really, a more emotional woman might have either cried or hit him afterwards. He decided to stay up and be a jerk for a while instead of putting his drunk self to bed like he should have. So, I suppose unless I have a very well-paying job next year to support renting a venue of my own, there are no more parties at el Rancho.

*sigh* Another reason to look forward to possibly moving back to the Fortress Of Solitude in midtown.

I know he's sick and tired of being the main bread-winner in the house. And he considers most of our visitors my friends, not his. I did invite a lot of his friends that did not come to the party. Many of them took holiday vacations out of town. Others chose something else to do with themselves that night.
Lack of work keeps me here without options because, when there is a tenant, the midtown condo is my only income source.


Speaking of holiday gatherings,
I finally got an invitation to my brother's family Christmas gathering, via my mother. I am not sure if he is aware she has invited us or not. She says he just forgot to call or email to let me know when it was. I suspect she might have taken it upon herself to invite us to his house for dinner but I never know what's up with any family goings on. I hope we are invited but I don't have any certain way of knowing. We'll just show up for dinner and hope all is well. I've got gifts wrapped that I need to deliver.


In other news, I am looking forward to an interview on Friday for a regular job near home. I hope hope HOPE that I am a good fit for the position and that they hire me. So it's not all rants and complaints for this posting. Wish me luck!

Wise Choices

Reading the article What Makes Us Happy.


Fascinating very long study that follows a group of men throughout their lives from the time they are college sophmores to beyond retirement.



"His central question is not how much or how little trouble these men met, but rather precisely how—and to what effect—they responded to that trouble. "



“Much of what is labeled mental illness,” Vaillant writes, “simply reflects our ‘unwise’ deployment of defense mechanisms. If we use defenses well, we are deemed mentally healthy, conscientious, funny, creative, and altruistic. If we use them badly, the psychiatrist diagnoses us ill, our neighbors label us unpleasant, and society brands us immoral.”



Yes. This reminds me of what Professor Dumbledore says to Harry Potter. "It is our choices... that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."



Also reminds me that as tweenagers, my best pal and I already figured out that its not what happens to you in life or what you have but how you react to what happens and how you use what you have. The hard part is that skill of logic and reasoning to figure out what to do. Maybe part of that is also accepting what choices you can not make for yourself so you can move forward in life without constantly what-iffing.


Then again, I also realize, in myself even now, that I have always had a paralyzing inability to see any choice in my life. Even now, where I live and who I live with does not seem like an actual choice I have but a circumstance I must deal with.

I'm just noodling this through tonight.

Work and Changes

In other news, MonsterMustDie had a business dinner with one of the owners of his company and they discussed a planned move to Highpoint, NC in the future. No date has been set and no clear definition of job status after the move was stated. It seems likely that he will have to relocate to North Carolina but they are keeping an office in Atlanta and might keep a position for him here as well. We'll just have to see how this plays out.


My midtown condo is still empty and unfinished. MonsterMustDie did not like the job the man I hired did on it so he is in the process of re-doing all of the work on the ceiling and walls now, when he feels like it. The condo is my only potential source of constant income, if I can get it finished and a responsible tenant in (NO bachelors!), preferably a single, professional woman. If MonsterMustDie continues to drag his feet on working on the place, I might be looking at a return to it if he decides to eventually move to Highpoint, NC without me. At this point, being unemployed as much and as long as I have been, I am just dead weight for him and there is nothing for me in NC.


Yes. I know I am an anxious worrier, always jumping to the worse case scenario first. Then, I have to roll back and mentally go down the more positive path. On the positive side, he could just get a better, less physically demanding, managerial position at the new Atlanta offices when they reorganize the company. I might get a new full time job soon, which would mean a steady paycheck that I could actually build a budget on. And I might have a finished condo and good tenant soon. For that matter, if I did end up back in midtown, I might still be in the running for at job at the first company I interviewed at this week and that would be extremely close to everything. Actually, either of those jobs would be easy to commute to from the city and both are jobs I could do easily. We'll see what happens.


I hope for no great disturbances in the too near future.

Work - searching

After returning from the Thanksgiving holiday trip, the focus of my week was set to be a morning job interview on Wednesday. The interview came through a temp agency I've worked for in the past. The name of the company sounded familiar and, searching my calendar, it was a company I've interviewed at independently a year ago in November. Tuesday afternoon, the temp company sent me a message saying the interview had been cancelled, stating the company no longer would have a need in that position - which sounded odd since it was temporarily filling in for someone who would be on maternity leave. I was feeling sad and defeated because that was the only thing I had scheduled for the entire week. No sooner than that was marked off my calendar, another company phoned with a new job interview for a full time position in a very convenient location doing work quite similar to what I'd done before at my "fun" job with Debbie & Burton years ago. Then, a different Temp company contacted me and set up an interview for me on Thursday morning. That saved the week for me. Wednesday's interview, which should have been the easiest, turned out to be strangely tense. I was interviewed by the owner of the company, who seemed to be at a loss of words. She kept waiting for someone else to join us for the interview. "Does she know I'm here?" "Oh yes, she knows." was the only talk of it. More pauses while she waited came and, while I should have just gone on auto-pilot and kinda directed the interview myself, the obvious discomfort she was in made me ill at ease as well. It ended up being a very awkward meeting, which was a shame. By contrast, Thursday's interview was very relaxed with a young woman who knew exactly what to talk about and was surprisingly familiar with all aspects of the marketing-design-production process and the history of the work. The location is not as convenient, but the company felt good and the commute was still reasonable. I made very good time getting there despite being stuck behind a wide-load and it's entourage the entire time I was on I-285. It appears to be an easy commute.

Thanksgiving vacation

We had a 4-day vacation in the Northeast last week, splitting our time between New Haven, CT and NYC. First, we flew up to Hartford on Thanksgiving day to visit Rick and Rachael. Rick picked us up at the airport and drove us to their house in New Haven. When we arrived, Rachael was busy cooking a dinner of turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, sweet potatoes, salad, and pumpkin pie with home made whipped cream (Rick made the whipped cream). She also had fresh roasted pecans to snack on. They even had Hawaii bread rolls. There was so much food, we did not get around to eating the salad. They've continued to make a lot of improvements to their house and it is a much cozier, nearly finished place now. Unbelievably loud little dog and friendly tabby round out the family. Friday, we went shopping at thrift shops and antique malls. In the evening, we went to Lenny's Indian Head Restaurant, where I finally got a simple lobster dinner that I've been craving. Saturday, all of us came into the city for shopping and food. It was an uncomfortably cold day for me, while I'd been fighting off illness all week. Rachael saved the day with lots of hand-warmer pouches for everyone. I slipped one in each glove and, while I was still cold, I did not shiver all day. We had a very good brunch at Prune. I had the chickpea plate while MonsterMustDie had lamb sausage. He and Rachael had the Bloody Mary (two each) that came with a shot of PBR as a palate cleanser. We finished the night at Pegu, which had delicious Earl Grey "MarTEAni"s. Rick and Rachael returned home that night, while we stayed in the floral district at the Indigo hotel. Sunday, it was just myself & MonsterMustDie. We went to the Asia Center and took the bus from there to the Noguchi Museum, which was the high point of the New York side of our trip. Monday, we got up and had breakfast at the hotel's restaurant "Blue" before heading to the airport for the trip home.

Atlanta has lost one of its best this week.

She gave a lot more than she got in life and, as my pal Chaz said, always picked the right side in a bar fight. For that sort of life, I can only say Well done, Ria! I only wish you'd had a lot more time here to amaze, delight, inspire, and encourage us.

sad news.

Listen and pay attention. You know someone like this.

Horrific because I know how true all of this is.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V1yW5IsnSjo

conversations

She: I can't live without music. When I think of music, I think of you. So, how will I live without you?

Him: I'll try to leave the door cracked when I leave.

Funny, the conversations we have, even in dreams.

unwell today

Why do I feel like I've been punched in the gut today? I kept waking up with these pains all night, thinking it was an empty stomach. After a bowl of soup and snacks, I still have this pain. I have not been feeling well since last night. It's not nausea and it's not exactly cramps. My insides feel soar. 

On top of that, I'm still fatigued from the film extra work I did Friday. Tomorrow morning, I have a 6:00 a.m. call time for another extras gig. 

The High Cost Of Water

Many of my neighbors are aghast this month over high water bills and waste water tax bills. Our water bill have always been phenomenally low at el Rancho de WereMonster. Someone planted a row of holly over the meter in our yard so I am certain they have not made an accurate meter reading in years. It will be an interesting day when or if those hollies are ever removed.

Chomp and Stomp

I finally made it to the annual Chomp and Stomp today. I decided I must be there to see friends Spanky and the Love Handles playing during the festival for what might be their last show. As it turned out,  Kim and Harris were there too so we were able to hang out together. According to them, the best chili came from the Albert and the Wrecking Bar. Farm Burger was also one of the best, according to then, but they did not place in the competition.
After the festival, we went to the Krog Bar to visit Audrey at work. I'm glad Kim knew she was working tonight - I might not have tried Krog Bar if I did not know. They sampled some nice wines while I tried some very good tapas food. The brussels sprouts were quite good but the best thing we tried by far were the olive oil cakes with basil gelato on them. Delicate textures and flavors without being too sweet.

Happy Halloween

Halloween night was fun. We had the largest turnout of Trick-or-Treaters since we've been here at el Rancho de WereMonster. Lots of cute children and their parents came to our door and delighted in the Halloween decorations at the house. There were, of course, a few too many teenagers with no costumes and a couple of very odd parents who came asking for treats as well but there is always a bit of that in the mix every year in every neighborhood. The lighting in the yard is still too dark but we had a couple of extra small lights out this year. I still really want to work on the lighting rather than setting up elaborate decorations that no one sees in the darkness so I am in hopes that maybe I can have just a bit more illumination in the yard next year. I might have to go wild with Jack 'o Lantern making next year to accomplish that, a la Trick 'r Treat. I was also thrilled to see our next door neighbors were in the holiday spirit with votives lining their driveway and a spooky-scary figure with red glowing eyes appearing on the roof when people came to the house while her husband answered the door dressed as Dracula. I could hear squeals every time someone walked up there. :)

Mr. & Mrs. Bunny came here, bringing a delicious amount of BBQ and sides. We enjoyed a very generous dinner and, after trick-or-treating was over, we watched the restored blueray edition of Universal Studios "Dracula" together.

Waiting for this week to be over

Adding to the negative this week. MonsterMustDie got the call a bit after midnight around 12:30 a.m. Tuesday morning his uncle Jerry had died. It was not a complete surprise because his health had been declining rapidly for the last two years but you never are completely prepared for events like that. We traveled to Alabama on Wednesday to attend the service at the same funeral home we've been to for his father, mother, and aunt Mary - Jerry's wife. I'm becoming familiar with all of his family in a relationship based solely on illness and death. There are no happy moments in Alabama and I hope this is the last I will see of that state for a long time. His family comes from a small town about half an hour outside Birmingham. There we sat for a winding, somewhat disorganized sermon from a minister who quite obviously did not know the deceased or their family and I felt sorta embarrassed for the man speaking even if he wasn't. It was an awkward service. 

Of course, the worst thing about funerals is that the guest of honor is never there. God save us from more funerals where the officiant did not know the deceased. Better to have friends and relatives just share thoughts and memories with each other. 

Most of Thursday was spent on yard work and just pecking around on Facebook. A neighborhood friend came over in the early afternoon to sort through the odds and ends of costumes I've collected and we put together a simple witch outfit with a couple of wig choices for her. She brought some of their last green tomatoes of the season and flowers from the garden. That was the highlight of the day. I might have joined the neighborhood Bunco game last night but by late afternoon they had precisely enough spaces to fill the tables. I was sort of waiting to commit myself and had said I'd join in if they had a space open and still needed players to avoid "ghosts" at the table. 

Today I am feeling more depressed than I have in a while. The money I am spending on Halloween costumes, party supplies, and groceries only reminds me of how long I've been unemployed and I wonder how long funds will hold out. I keep driving into town to check the mailbox for paychecks from two sources that I've been expecting but nothing has come to me yet for the work I've done recently. The condo in midtown is still empty because it needs to be cleaned and painted and the ceiling in the bedroom needs to be patched. That is something else weighing on my mind and wallet.

The costume isn't fun as I'd hoped this year. I was looking forward to hobbling something relatively inexpensive together with what ever materials I already had at home and now the project has cost far too much for my budget and looks, in my opinion, worse than something simple and homemade would have in some parts. MonsterMustDie is working to make his costume as detailed and movie-perfect as possible. I kinda just want to have fun. His first small criticisms of my ideas extinguished any interest I have in it at this point. I'm afraid to do anything because it'll be done wrong. 

Two things together would probably improve my mood: more paid work and nights out with friends. 

mildly surreal dream

Dreamed about staying at a huge beach house with a group of friends. Peri and Walter were there. Someone with Peri had a toddler - a little girl - who was happily spending most of her time in her room. Stephen Colbert was there, among others. I often dream of small creatures or people that need to be cared for. Objects change or evolve in dreams. In this dream, I had a studio office with a lizard in a terrarium that evolved into a bird that flew around freely in the office. I realized I was going to have to clean up after the bird constantly because I allowed it to be free indoors and I was planning to release it outdoors, where it came from originally in its pre-bird days. There was an orphan white kitten that I was fostering. The kitten was healthy but had a bare pink face like a monkey would have. There was a half-zebra, half-horse/pony that was colorful. Its markings reminded me of Siamese cat mix-breeds that you could still see the pattern evident to tell it was half zebra but it had patches of gray and orange and white. The zebra pony walked around freely as well, like a large dog, in the house.

Birthday = Fail

At first, the week of my birthday was looking quite positive. Everything was shiney. I just started a new temp gig last week with a client who seems to like me a lot this week. The gig was predicted to last several weeks while updating and reformatting images for their online catalog. I had a full social and creative calendar for the weekend and money coming in.

By Wednesday, all of the work that was supposed to keep me occupied for three weeks instead of three days was completed. There was nothing more for me to do and everyone else at the office was scrounging around for busy work (this is one reason my project ended so fast - everyone jumped and edited different chapters). So, profusely apologizing while at least giving me a great review, they let me know I would not be needed by Thursday.

Thursday morning, I woke up sick and got worse as the day progressed. I stayed in bed all day with nausea and a migraine, among other things. Most of Friday was spent in bed too. The temp company had phoned to offer me another three-day gig Thursday, Friday, and Monday but there was no way I was going to be able to commit to it. As bad as I felt, I was right to think I would not be up to driving anywhere, much less working, or walking across the house out the front door.

Saturday morning I was well enough to take my car in for a routine maintenance appointment at the dealership. I asked them to check a noise that has been there forever and gradually has been getting worse. They called to say I need four new tires, due to uneven wear, and the axle must be replaced. They didn't have the part and would have to order it. At first they said the new axle could not be delivered until Tuesday but later said they could get it in Monday if I would leave my car there. Thus, all other plans I had for Saturday and Sunday were destroyed.

Today, I am waiting at home with no means of transportation for a call from the service center at the dealership on the status of my car. I don't really expect to hear back from them until Tuesday morning. I have no work coming in and I don't feel that I can schedule anything until I have wheels under me again so here I wait for the rest of the week.

experience is useless. the past means nothing.

So apparently temp jobs are now requiring educational verification on background checks. How many of you have all of your old school records on hand? I have been calling and having to leave voicemails to all of my old schools that still exist, as well as emails, to try to get my records faxed to a background check company today. Perhaps fortunately, I have recently had to request school transcripts when I was trying to return to college, before I got hung up on finances, not too long ago so maybe it will be easier for them to access my records.

loss of signal

Are we rebuilding the wall?

Corporate publishing (film, music, print) has intentionally killed product sales. The industry has changed and ownership is a thing of the past. I suppose it is a sign of age that I mourn the loss. So much of what I used to enjoy can't be replaced or shared. Even software is no longer the buyers' property without an internet connection to renew a subscription. 

I think this will prove to be a bad idea in the long run, but in the short term it's much more profitable. In the short term, there is a huge savings in production costs and shipping of hard products. There is also ultimate control of who can view, read, or hear products on which devices or networks. In the long run, I think it will greatly reduce and eliminate interest in media. Without the freedom of carrying your own copy of a song, movie, or publication where ever you like to enjoy or share whenever with whoever you want to, it is harder to fall in love with that favorite book/magazine/movie/show/song because too many blocks are thrown up. The change has already occurred, at least in the modern world. I do wonder what goes on where the majority of the population does not have access to modern technology and communication networks.

screaming silence

This monday is so quiet  


the phone has not rung once and no email has come in other than spam bots.


I guess it's time to go out into the world for the day.

Plans for this evening include cleaning the condo, starting with the kitchen and bathroom, which are still a mess, although all of the personal possessions have been removed from it. I won't last long after MonsterMustDie comes by to help after work. We always end up arguing about everything having to do with it so I usually take off pretty soon after he's there. My main plan is to stock up on garbage bags and cleaning supplies and leave more messages with the roofers, who are avoiding me at this point, and the condo association management, who always avoid me. MonsterMustDie insists that I should not touch the place until I have some sort of certification that the roof is repaired completely and they guarantee no more leaks. I don't know how anyone can do that or what the f**k he is talking about or expecting out of me. Makes me anxious just writing about it.

Meanwhile, utility bills are coming in for it and no one will be living there for a long time. Mr. Jones, on MonsterMustDie's prompting, still has the key to the mailbox. They still want the deposit money to send Elena's family in Bulgaria. I don't know if anyone has been able to successfully turn off cable and telephone services. It is quickly becoming a money pit that my hands are tied on.

Truant old vine

Mild and well balanced

Frog's Leap

Very rich earthy (oak?) Zinfandel tonight at Vinophiles meeting.

Extra Hair Style

It was actually quite a kindness that the on-set stylists pulled my hair up off my neck.

What's inside

I just noticed there is a hole at the base of the non-working back door large enough for animals to go in.

I am a rock.

Plinky asks: 

Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it, or do you prefer to rely only on yourself? Why?

It is always hard for me to ask for help. It's not that I don't want help - I just don't know how to go about getting any when I need it. I'm just not good at knowing when or who to ask for help and I feel I should be self-sufficient. It's as if I should never have to ask for help and if I can't figure something out myself, its my own fault or proof that I am an inadequate human being. 

I think this is also a result of doing so many things alone growing up and as a young adult. There was a phrase I had on my fridge for a long time that stated: The man who goes alone can start today.  
Too often, there are things I want to do or take action with that no one else has an interest in at that time or place. And some times it is easier for me to proceed on things without hearing negative criticism of the idea or my execution of it. I get discouraged too easily. 

at end

"Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."

evening out

Nice evening yesterday. I made it out of the house and to the East Atlanta Farmers Market, met up with Chaz and Mrs. Lounge and MonsterMustDie. Bought some rabbit boudin from Spotted Trotter and some fresh beet dumplings/ravioli and fresh red & green okra. Also met up with Tracy there in the village market.

Mrs. Lounge told me about a quite successful meal she had made by cooking fresh sausage and dumplings and then searing the pasta in the same pan as the sausage. After that she deglazed the pan with a bit of balsamic vinegar and added fresh cherry tomatoes to created a kinda deconstructed pasta sauce. I will try to something a bit similar tonight with what I have on hand here.

Mrs. Lounge also told me about her recent business trip to NYC and the difficulty she had getting into the library there, which has very short hours and is closed altogether on Sundays. The three minutes she got in on her last day in the City convinced her that she must make it a priority to return and, if she's lucky enough to have the time, take a tour of the library.

We decided to have a few adult refreshments together at the Flat Iron before Mr. & Mrs. Lounge headed home to cook dinner. We saw Bridget riding home from work in midtown as we were entering the bar and she and Nelson came back to join us for dinner before we returned to el Rancho. I had the Southwestern veggie burger with 'taters as a side. Nelson had the coleslaw as a side to his sandwich and reported that it was good and quite spicey hot. I need to remember to try the Flat Iron's slaw next time I'm there. We chatted about the voodoo artwork on the walls and their plans to move out of the Southeastern Bible Belt and into the Northwest. I asked them to have my guest room ready wherever they land.

Just punch me in the arm.

Sometimes I really do need someone to join me or give me a big push. My motivation to do anything by myself seems to be at an all-time low. I have not stepped outside the house by myself at all this week, except for one party attended with MonsterMustDie and mutual friends and out to dinner with MonsterMustDie and neighbors. Between fatigue, hot flashes, and general low self esteem, I have talked myself out of doing everything. My attitude has been fully self-defeating. I have not stepped outside the house by myself at all this week, except for one party attended with MonsterMustDie and mutual friends and dinner with MonsterMustDie and neighbors. Between fatigue, hot flashes, and general low self esteem, I have talked myself out of doing everything this week. 


Healthwise: 

The prescription I got for my nose healed everything in just a few days. 

We both had some digestive problems after eating shrimp at one of my favorite Chinese restaurants last week. Not knowing MonsterMustDie had issues with the food as well, I thought it was a UTI because the at-home test came out very positive for leukocytes. I'm still on antibiotics for that but wondering if I should discontinue use of them now that I feel better and knowing my room mate had similar issues that seem to have cleared up on their own (I haven't asked for details). 



Healthwise: 

The prescription I got for my nose healed everything in just a few days. 

We both had some digestive problems after eating shrimp at one of my favorite Chinese restaurants last week. Not knowing MonsterMustDie had issues with the food as well, I thought it was a UTI because the at-home test came out very positive for leukocytes. I'm still on antibiotics for that but wondering if I should discontinue use of them now that I feel better and knowing my room mate had similar issues that seem to have cleared up on their own (I haven't asked for details). 

nose fixing

I made it to the doctor's office yesterday morning. A medical practitioner for my doctor, who was booked solid for the next two weeks, took a look at me, asked a few questions and sent a prescription for something better than Neosporin to my local pharmacy.

MonsterMustDie had left his phone at home in his office so, since I was in the neighborhood anyway for the medical visit, I brought it to him at work before heading back home.

The pharmacy phoned on my way there to let me know that the ointment that was prescribed to me was over $100 an there was no generic equivalent for it. They put in a call back to my doctor, and I did too when I got home, to try to get a cheaper medicine for me to use. I told MonsterMustDie about this later when he phoned, while I was waiting to hear back about when and what I would have ready at the pharmacy and offered to pick up whatever the golden cure was for me. He just wanted me to do something about this problem that has been plaguing me all month. By the time he got home from work, with my prescription in hand, he said what they ended up sending me was ultimately just $15. Huge difference. I only hope this alternative works just as well as the other to clear the infection up.

maintenance and searches

Going in this morning to see a nurse practitioner about a sore nose that will not heal. It's been going on over a month now so I suppose it's time to see a medical professional about it because it is not getting better on its own. My nostrils have sores inside that will not heal and smell like a wet dog. My nose is clogged with blood and mucus when I wake up in the morning now.

On the job front, I am still looking for more work but I do have a short temp gig in Conyers lined up at the end of the month. I'd really like something much closer to home but I'll take whatever I can get. I'm hoping for more extras work and pet-sitting to come up again, now that I have time to schedule things like that.

want ads

When I started the job of doom several weeks ago, there was only one experienced employee in the entire art department, who had been with the company in different capacities for 30 year, and who is in bad health. There was another new girl who was in training on the Indigo printer and one other new prepress operator that had only been there two weeks longer than me.

Looking around the want ads today, I found this ad that is obviously for a position at the same company that dumped me out of the blue.

They are apparently replacing their entire art department, over and over again, as a way of working out problems that are probably more hardware and corporate culture related then employee related. During my time there, they were also looking for a new 2-color and 4-color pressman.

unemployed again

Just as suddenly and unexpected as it started, my job ended on Sunday night around 8:30 p.m. when the president of the company called from his mobile phone to tell me not to come in on Monday. Just like that with no explaination. I asked what was going on. I knew they were busy and I had been working 12-hour days along with everyone else to keep up, especially after a hard drive containing ALL of one client's most recent files had failed and everyone was scrambling to cobble new files together for them. He said they had made an offer to a former employee, of the company who was already trained on their procedures and very familiar with their clients, who had agreed to come back to his former job. That was all. Nothing wrong with me other than no one had time to train me and he was ready to jump in with both feet. 

All this after they had phoned me out of the blue with the job offer, were VERY insistent that I leave my then-current position without notice so I could start sooner (I didn't  - I don't believe in burning bridges so I worked out my notice.) and had me drop everything in my life with the promise of company health insurance that would have started August 1st, and long-term full-time employment. Now I'm worse off than before I took the job. 

There were problems working the part-time I had gig before this latest disappointment. I couldn't count on a predictable schedule enough to take any extra work and the pay was lower than I was used to. The hours flexed between 2 days a week or 5 days a week. It killed my film extras work and my extra freelance work but at least it was a very long-term assignment and a source of pocket cash that I would probably still have now if I didn't leave for the promise of a real job - and it was a lot closer to home. I had been spending over 2 hours on the road every day to and from work (no complaints because it seemed quite worth it to have a good job with potential). 

So now I'm back to where I was two years ago, looking for anything I can possibly get. 

I have learned a few things. Freelance is not worth the pain at tax time or getting money from a bad client. In that way, although it pays a lot less, temp work is easier at the end of the year. A temp company will always make sure they get paid as well. Part time is not worth the commitment if it kills everything else - it has to be flexible and on my schedule or it has to be full-time committed hours. 
And last: Never leave anything at the office overnight or over the weekend. The last thing I want to do is return there just to pick up my leftover stuff. They can have the Pantone coffee mug, note pad, and the half-eaten bags of chips. 

home again

It has been a long weekend. Friday and Saturday were spent in Alabama for the funeral of MonsterMustDie's mother (June 24, 1933 - July 2, 2013). We saw members of his family and a few old friends at the visitation on Friday night and the funeral on Saturday afternoon. Everyone says they must get together soon but you know the next time most of them will see each other will be at the next funeral. That's just how it goes as we get older and time grows shorter. Our lives get busier and more distant until our bodies break down to the point that we don't have the option of travel anymore. 

It is still raining constantly, every day. Alabama weather was no different and, without any break in the rain, we had all of the services at the funeral home and skipped taking the funeral party to the graveside. The pall bearers went alone to the cemetery. We waited until they had returned and everyone had left after the service to finish any business necessary and visited the grave before driving home. Both of his parents are buried side by side with his sister, Donna, who died as an infant. The traditional lamb on her marble tombstone was the closest thing to sculpture in the cemetery. In lieu of flowers, the family has requested that donations be made to Alzheimer's research. 

Today, back in Atlanta and after a night's sleep, we went out treasure-hunting in the morning and then met up with Mr & Mrs Lounge in EAV, where we had brunch and spent the rest of the afternoon drinking and shopping. I designated myself the DD and encouraged MonsterMustDie to have a few more beers, loosen up a bit, and chat about cars (mostly), people, work, and gadgets, etc. 

Now we're home again to laundry, emails, catching up with the news, and preparing to go back to work in the morning. 

departures and arrivals

MonsterMustDie was able to be with his mother last night when she passed away, around 2:15 a.m. this morning. Her passing is a sad but I am glad he was able to be with her. It always bothered him that he was on his way to visit his father  in 2005, only to arrive 10 minutes after he had passed away, alone.
Also yesterday, his cousin K's first grandchild was born.

Someone comes into town just as someone leave town.

saying goodbye to June

I just got home from work. Not long on the road, I got a phone call from MonsterMustDie. The hospice  phoned to let him know his mother's body appeared to be shutting down today. He's driving to Alabama now, straight from work. There is no time to come home first or pack an overnight bag again. Once again, there is nothing I can do to help. He said he would try to phone tonight with an update.

tired

MonsterMustDie is home tonight after spending last night and most of today with his mother. Updated story from the hospice is she could go this weekend or two or more weeks from now. I think he is glad he spent most of this weekend with her but he now sees no advantage to staying there, keeping vigil for an event that is impossible to predict. She does not seem to know he's there now and life goes on.

I'm up late after going to Taco Night at B&G's house. Good to see everyone, people I wish I saw more often, but I am too tired to be worth anything late at night, unless I get a good long nap in during the day. Realized my brain was toasty halfway through the evening. Gotta make adjustments in my lifestyle and schedule for the current state of things.

home alone

MonsterMustDie is in Alabama for the weekend. He is in a wake for the living with his mother, who has taken a turn for the worse this week. She has not been able to or simply refused to eat or drink for a week now and hospice workers have contacted him and his cousin to let them know that she is not expected to live past this weekend. He left work this afternoon and is now at his mother's bedside for the weekend. Hopefully, he will be spending the night with friends in Birmingham tomorrow but tonight he is at June's side at the hospice.  

As for me, I started a new job and just finished my first complete week there. The hours are the same as my last temp position but with a longer commute, which means I have to be in the habit of waking every morning at 5:00 a.m. to be able to make it to work on time. This, of course leaves me very few options during the week to see friends or do much since I have to give myself an 8:00 p.m. bedtime to be functional. I don't always make it to bed and to sleep at 8:00 but that is my goal for now. I am thrilled to finally have full-time employment after freelancing and temping for so long. At last, I can make a budget for myself that I feel good about. It is also a job that I am learning new skills at, which is another very big plus. 

an interesting week

Most of last week, we were out of electrical power at el Rancho. I was out to eat with a neighbor during a 10-minute storm that appears to have included a small tornado throwing trees around in the hood. Our house was spared of any fallen trees or large branches but most of my neighbors were not as lucky. Powers was out until Saturday and then out again Sunday & Monday after a thunderstorm. Everything I could not put on ice in the cooler either melted and/or spoiled in a couple of days. The freezer is still empty and will remain so until we see all the broken poles, fallen trees, and low-hanging wires cleared out of the neighborhood. The refridgerator has mostly things that will not spoil immediately if the power goes out again, like fresh fruit & veggies. The pantry is stocked up in soup now. We still need to restock some batteries and re-think alternative devices and chargers when the power goes out again.

Looks like I've finally found a job this week at a company I have been familiar with for quite a while - several printers I have worked with in the past have outsourced work to them. It is going to be a bit of a commute now, since it takes me an hour & 15 minutes to drive home in the evening. The hours are generally long, starting at 7:00 a.m. for me. Hopefully, I can continue to come into work that late. Some of my co-workers come in as early as 5:00 a.m. or 6:00 a.m. and recently have been working 12-hour shifts. (This is one reason I was hired, no doubt, to relieve the work load a bit.) I am very happy to finally have another full-time position that I can count on. The adjustment to the commute and new hours will be hard but I need work and income more than anything else these days. I'm just happy to be there. This job offers the opportunity to catch up and reacquaint myself with the type of work I've done in the past and to get my skills back up-to-date and compatible with everyone else. This is a hard industry to survive in these days.

MonsterMustDie is already grumbling about my 8:00 p.m. bedtime but it is necessary for me to be up and running by 5:00 every day with less time in the evening to catch up on things. Time is suddenly quite important and he will eventually adjust. He'll be going to Alabama to visit his mother tomorrow. His cousin phoned yesterday to tell him that his mother is not eating now. She's apparently lost a lot of weight and she doesn't want to be here anymore. Her Alzheimer's disease has progressed to a point where she is in a lot of physical pain and she just wants to be released from this life. It's hard to watch both of them go through this but I really don't know of anything I can do to help.

Simple

The newer folding wallet design for pocket-size Kleenex tissues is much better, easier to use, and more durable than previous versions.

old folk home

Mother is home again with her terriers and feeling better after a blood transfusion and and incredible about of (mostly unnecessary) tests. The medical experts found no cause for her anemia, disease or otherwise, again this time. I expect her to be back in a month or two for another transfusion. 

The Green Tower

My uncle Ron just phoned to let me know my mother is safely checked into her hospital room for another stay in the green tower. Her two dogs are in the kennel and he was in the room with her. Glad she's there and that he called to let me know her status.

Joy O Family

So my mother phoned me just to let me know she is going into the hospital tomorrow morning. Her red blood count has gotten dangerously low again. Her doctor wanted to put her into the hospital immediately today but no, she had to take care of things at home - things she won't let me do for her -  before driving herself to the office of her doctor, who will immediately put her in the hospital.

My brother and nephew are leaving for a father-son trip. I'm not even sure my of my brother's family know she's going into the hospital tomorrow. I could, if she would only let me, take tomorrow  off work, take her to the hospital myself, and take her dogs to the kennel or Rancho de WereMonster. It would not be easy or convenient but I could certainly do it and she could already be in the hospital. 

As things are, I will do nothing and just hope I can keep up with how she's doing. 

File this under Irish Martyr Syndrome. 

the Memorial Day weekend

So I missed the Twistin Tarantulas show at the Star Community Bar during Bubbapalooza Saturday night. I felt bad physically - a bit queazy from the greasy lunch we had at Six Feet Under with John and Kathy English, who were visiting from Birmingham, Alabama - and so tired I could hardly hold my head up at 8p.m. I had also failed to get in a good nap before the show, which was going to be the last set of the night, starting at 12:30 a.m. I started to take a nap at the house in Buckhead after taking care of cats there but I woke up thinking I was going to be ill because I felt so nauseated. As it turns out, I did not get truly sick but I was not well enough to go out.

I came home and went to bed and stayed down all night. I still got up pretty early the next morning. The low-paying part time job I have in Tucker has me on a schedule that forces me to get up at 5:00 a.m. to make it to work on time. The only partial mercy this week is, because the upstairs A.C. is out in the House Of Cats, I can't really sleep there well and their downstairs room mate has agreed to give the cats their morning scoop of dry food, since she's there anyway. This frees me to have a shorter commute in the morning and I can go there straight after work to handle feeding and cleaning and other miscellaneous duties at the house in the late afternoon. It really has been a life-saver this week, with the AC partially out in the house, to be able to spend the night at home this time. Of course, the holiday weekend helps as well.

Yesterday, we spent some time in Snellville with Clark and Beth, who had a very small gathering of friends at their house for burgers and games. We brought fresh pineapple and watermelon. There was some good potato salad and chunky guacamole there as well, so I had plenty to eat other than red meat.

They got some bad news on Clark's health this week. It seems his cancer has spread now. He's having to make some decisions on whether to change his treatment or not. He told me that he kinda wants to just play it through, like Wayne did, and keep working and making music as long as he can. I agreed that seemed like the best use of time to simply keep living. Doctors would like to stick him into a hospital and make him into a lab monkey but that seems like a great waste of time and energy for him.
I would imagine whatever he decides to do also depends on how Beth and Nate feel about his future. I plan to stay close.

Ages

Roommate is beginning to forget things and it is worrying both of us. He can't seem to keep up with his inventory lately and has had to decline buyers of things he has on sale because he can't find the items and doesn't recall if he should still have them or not. He's also loosing simple things around his office and the house. He asked to borrow my xacto knife today because he can't find the one that he keeps in his office. He sleeps a lot more now too. I don't know if this is a sign of being under stress or foreboding something worse. When he is short-tempered and needy simultaneously, it already gets to be too much for me. I feel sorry for him and I want to bitch-slap him at the same time.

The 600 pound gorilla in the room is how his mother's family has a strong occurrence of Alzheimer's disease. I would think he should have at least 15 to 20 years before he has to worry about that but he has been breaking apart on a daily basis lately. He is normally someone with a better than average memory and sense of organization. Now, when I'm home, I have to manage him. In a way, the time I get to spend house-cat sitting in away from home is a bonus, not just because I get to take a vacation from home, but because it also shows him that things get out of place or go missing when I can't be blamed for it. It gives him a bit more humility when undeniable lapses of memory occur that he can't blame on me and he has to face up to. He appreciates me a lot more when I'm not there.

Still, he could just be suffering from too much stress. Here's hoping this problem will be past us soon.

Wednesday

Okay day at the part time job that only affords me spending cash for groceries.

The Universe often knows when I need answers and responds. Was thinking of inviting a rather-difficult-but-disabled neighbor over to Saint Patrick's Day dinner at el Rancho de WereMonster. Got home and found a crumpled package in my mailbox that was erroneously stuffed inside a neighbor's box this afternoon from the same sad fellow I was considering inviting to dinner. Inside the hap-hazard brown wrapper was an odd magnet set, a brown Zildjian cymbals "Made in USA" T-shirt (in reference to a facebook post I made on this company - I admit the shirt is kinda cool), a book titled "Body Types" and a note, with alternating words "MURDER" and "REDRUM" scrawled in red on back, telling me to put on the T-shirt and show up at his house at 8PM to go out to eat sushi. With this, he has effectively pushed the envelope. I have had so many stalkers and fan-boys that I have very little patience for this sort of behavior because I've seen it spiral out of control so many times in the past.

I think I will pass on the invitation.

No acts of kindness go unpunished.

Metal is not the best material for a desk on a cold day.

It's chilly here at el Rancho de WereMonster. Facebook friends report that there are snow flurries all over Atlanta but I've seen no snow or rain here northeast of the city.

Last night, I made it out to the first screening of Zombie Crush at the Plaza Theatre and hung out with a lot of my friends and co-workers from the crew. Makeup artist Chris - a.k.a. Rotzo The Clown - had a demostration of zombie-making in the lobby before the film. The Bontrager Twins introduced their project and answered questions from the veiwing audience afterwards. This is a tweenage/teenage zombie romantic comedy, made by kids for kids. We are still looking for more funding for this project, which is 90 percent completed. We have plans/ideas for at least two more consecutive "episodes" for the story. I think this would make a great TV series and the Bontragers have a great sense of humor in their work.

Today, I'm keeping most of my activity indoors until I head out this evening for a friend's 50th birthday party in L5P. I will be the small woman in the corner, indoors, with a camera and possibly a glass of wine in hand. Wondering if I could still find Gluehwein anywhere in this town to bring to the party. The search for that heat-friendly spirit might pull me out of the house for a little while today. Otherwise, I'll see if there are any snacks I can make or scrounge from the freezer to bring.

Curry Ketchup

I found curry ketchup and mustard sauce on aisle 11 at the BHFM today. It is always hard for me to locate it.

Sometimes I feel I have missed my life.

Ugh! Totally forgot about Vinophile meeting last night at the home of 2 of my favorite people. Now, what am I forgetting about or missing today? 

I just finished another week of cat-house sitting. This time I-285 got the better of me and I came in late on two mornings. Usually, the opposite is true during the weeks I spend in Buckhead because I adjust my schedule to give myself at least an extra 15 minutes on my commute + time to run into the Starbucks at Kroger on the way to grab a nonfat grande misto to take in with me. Accidents and more congestion than I've seen in the past killed my best laid plans. On the positive side, maybe it's a sign of a recovering economy. I can hope for  the best. 

On the job front, I got two references from friends that have not returned my calls or emails but I made one cold call that has landed me an interview on Thursday.

Now, I'm looking for something to do with my weekend that is fun, creative, productive, or all of the above.

professional perspective

"If we die tomorrow, the company that we are working for could easily replace us in a matter of hours... But the family & friends we leave behind will feel the loss for the rest of their lives."

The uncle of a friend of mine illustrated this once by sticking his finger in a glass of water. "This finger is you and the water is the business you work for." He pulled his finger out of the water and showed him that there was no hole left by his absence in the company. That's pretty much how businesses work. 

When I was stressing over where I could find a job that would allow me to leave a full two weeks notice (or more) at my current employer years ago, while working under a lot of stress at one place as an Art Director, my best friend reminded me that they would never give me notice if they let me or any of my staff go and they could replace everyone as needed. I was screwing myself by fretting so much over setting up an easy transition and passing up opportunities that, perhaps, I should have taken. 

Heard at work

"Don't make me dot your I this morning."

follow-up

My mother is home from the hospital. Her doctors still do not know how her hemoglobin got so low but they have given her a transfusion, which has helped a lot, although she still has low energy. I phoned her Sunday to let her know I was on the way to her house and she was breathless from vacuuming her living room. She is one of those who do not let let cleaners come to her home until she has already cleaned it. I admit sometimes her cleaners do more harm than good to what they try to clean and polish. House cleaning is apparently one of those jobs that everyone thinks anyone can do and actually very few people do properly with the correct materials.

I thought I would only be working Monday day this week but I have been given permisssion to come back into the office on Wednesday for my temp job. I could always wiggle the days around if I want to now since they hardly have enough work for me to come in to do. I will try to see if I can get more extras work in the near future and try to remember to view that gig as flexible. They say they will not be needing me after this week but there is no telling. They have cut my hours and added days in the past. It is an entirely undependable gig that gets in the way of other work more than it helps at times. I wish I could choose an all-or-nothing (40 hours a week at decent pay) work situation.

Click here to support Earl Maddox Needs Your Help by Tim Lathrop

Click here to support Earl Maddox Needs Your Help by Tim Lathrop

Y'all please keep Earl in your thoughts today. He is in the ICU with g.i. bleeding. Not on life support or anything, but hurting bad.

drag

Today was ridiculously slow at my part time job. Spent far too much time making up work for myself and checking fb status on my phone. I am surprised they expect me back in on Friday. Thankful for any work I can get, regardless.

I was planning on meeting the girls for Zumba and eats tonight but I am cancelling the gym for now. Might still try to meet them for dinner afterwards because, hey, I gotta eat and MonsterMustDie usually eats a very good lunch during the day at work. 

My mom is in the hospital tonight and tomorrow, undergoing tests to try to find out why she is anemic. Good news is, they found out why she's been short of breath for so long - low hemoglobin, which is a start for treatment & recovery - and are giving her blood and iron supplements, etc. The pulmonologist and cardiologist could'nt figure it out. It was not until her kidney checkup that her nephrologist saw the problem. She does not want company and has begged me not to visit her tonight while she's being poked, prodded, and going through some very unglamorous procedures.

I think I need this book.

There is so much I can't know about a product or publication from an online description, it's nice to discover new things every time I go into a brick & mortar store like Barnes and Noble.

Merchandise

Bored with the products I've see in stores lately. 

Thoughts today:  It just so happens I've been looking at products in other places that are essentially one-color or 4-color low-res stuff and wondering how the manufacturers can expect consumers to purchase things not much better than they can make themselves on an inkjet printer. 

I want to see more things printed on durable acid-free stock and in rich spot inks and metallics that don't fall apart or dissolve when wet. I want to see, when appropriate, foil stamping. I love the delicacy of laser-cut papers on special keepsakes. Even if it is a novelty gift product, why would anyone pay for something they could do themselves? But good design & typesetting (with proper punctuation), printed well, on quality materials seems worth the investment even in small things. 

IMHO: Flyers, gift wrap, and direct-mail advertising are very ephemeral things that usually end up immediately in the trash and are perfectly fine to print cheaply as possible. The manufacturers of those make their money entirely on distribution and advertisements but anything lasting more than a week should be given more care. I look a card shops and craft stores and see too much bad design or one-color pieces that do not look special and have no recognizable style to them. I guess, as a consumer and as a designer, I want to see better options for those who want to buy something to save as a keepsake or something better than they could make themselves. 

Keeping up appearances

Today, we complain about having to dress well enough to wear a  bra. Makes me think of how my grandmother didn't like to go to a lot of places because she'd have to wear a girdle. Most ladies of her generation would not dare step out of the house without the legendary girdle, bra, hose, and makeup - at least lipstick and rouge.

Christmas

We drank coffee and opened our gifts in the morning on Christmas Day. MonsterMustDie, at my prompting, assembled the cardboard cat tank from Gillian for Ellie. (Cats, after all, have no thumbs and  don't read instructions.)

We spent most of the day not doing much of anything until we went to my brother's house for dinner with Mom. Gifts were exchanged. Andrew cooked a low country boil of shrimp, crawfish, potatoes, sausage, and corn on the cob. My nephew Adam made pomegranate martinis for the ladies and the men drank beer. MonsterMustDie brought one from the Winter Solstice Party named Old Crustacean, which seemed fitting for the seafood dinner.

 My brother Andrew is always too happy to see everyone once a year. Heh.

My nephew Adam making Black Out Barbie drinks.

 My mother, family matriarch, getting opening gifts with the youngest generation of the Perry family. 

The Perry family's holy beast, Otis. This is a house full of UGA fans and this
English Bulldog is the most highly esteemed among the pack of dogs they own.