Favorite not-quite inlaws

Here's a list of favorite boyfriends’ families. This does not mean the boyfriends were my favorites necessarily but I really liked and still sometimes miss their parents and siblings, who were lovely.

Family:

• Stuart Olsen
• Carlos Loret de Mola
• Mark Bregger
• Brad Stein
• Murray Sabloff

Mothers:

• David Khalil
• Scott Burns

I generally liked everyone's mothers and got along well with them. The mothers and I had the same goal - to take care of their sons and keep them out of trouble or danger, so we were united in our efforts. Some mothers, I felt closer to than other, of course.

Offspring:

• Spike
• Ray

I never try to be motherly with other people's children. They already have mothers. I only hope to be viewed with respect and possibly (in the very best long-term circumstances) as an equal in their father's house. For the life of me, I can't wrap my head around why anyone, male or female, would be in competition with someone's children or replace their ex.

repeating sync

Odd. Looks like half the mommy-bloggers I read and friends with very young children are going through divorces now. At the same time. I wonder what gives and if it has something to do with the pressures of this economy - perhaps a lot of couples just need one less concern or feeling of responsibility while they are trying to hold their lives together. Maybe they need to lift some of their burdens. Perhaps fathers are running away now from the tether of it all too as this economy makes everyone feel trapped. I just find it curious.

It reminds me of an old family story my grandmother told me years ago. When my mother's family was going through the hardest part of their lives economically, my grandfather split. What they told the family was that he had gone out of state to look for work but in reality, he was fleeing the burden of a wife and children and had taken a mistress in another town. My grandmother saved herself and her children by absolutely refusing to grant him a divorce. Her family, who were very proper and had a lot of public servants and ministers in it, let it be known that they did not divorce. Period. Eventually, my grandfather returned and they stayed together the rest of their lives. I do not think that tactic would ever work today and I do not think most women would think they had to live in an unhappy marriage to survive today.



One thought leads to another.

The marriages of both sets of grandparents I had were based much more on survival than on affection by the time I came along. None of my grandparents slept in the same bed and they had their own rooms. They got along and were polite to each other but there had not been a relationship between them in long time. That makes me also wonder if we expect too much from our relationships or if our grandparents expected too little.

It's still a man's world, financially, but things are much better than they were for our grandmothers and mothers. Married men still far out-live single men but single men seem to embrace chaos. More women seem to require order. Nature or nurture? That said, I do know a few very together single-parenting fathers and it is interesting to note that there are few men in this world more attractive to women than the responsible, nurturing, single fathers. I wonder if they know what rock-stars they are in the eyes of a lot of the women I know because they seem rare and extraordinary. Single mothers are never viewed the same way by men. Women usually have to protect their children from the men in their lives. Men see the mothers as potential financial burdens and steer clear of them. Being a single parent seems like the ultimate independence and the greatest measure of how responsible you are or not. It also makes the extended family of grandparents, aunts, and uncles much more important. Most of the people in my family - in multiple generations - would never have survived without the help of sisters, parents, and grandparents.

sick

Everyone but the cat has a cold this week. MonsterMustDie is taking a second day off work, after getting up this morning and deciding he feels worse than he did yesterday morning. I am on the mend, but producing glorious amounts of mucus and trying to to speak and/or cough. Mostly, I am worried about the room mate because this is the first cold he's had in a very long time. The last time he had a cold, things went very very badly for him.

time

I am kicking myself for wasting time that I should be spending my job search. Not being very productive today. Talking in squeaks. Voiceless with a cold. I can't get motivated to send letters and resumes out today. Feeling poor and woebegone while waiting to file my income taxes. I also need to put myself in a news blackout, since everything I see and hear gets me down. It makes me feel like my job search is hopeless and that I will eventually die homeless, in the street, bereft of family or friends. It's a downward spiral that begins when I hear or read about anything social, economic, political or environmental.

On a more positive view, the warm moist weather outside is causing a bit of Spring fever in me as well. I want to rake leaves and plant seeds now. Ladybugs have been swarming the house for weeks now and I have no idea where they are coming from. I've never seen them is such numbers here before but they are inside and outside the house. I can look out the window and see them flying around the bushes and look at the doors and windows and see them coming inside the house. Mostly, they seem to be coming into MonsterMustDie's office. Every corner around his desk is littered with ladybugs.