Adjusting to Loss

I just got off the phone with someone I know who is a carpenter. Kinda morbid conversation - he lost his thumb working last week and wants to see old photos I have of him with his thumb. He is longing for it. And I do have some very good photos of both of his hands.

And yet he says he isn't really depressed about it yet though his doctor assures him that depression over it will definitely come. I hope he manages that part of his recovery and adjustment to life as an amputee. I remember how depression over a much worse disability ended the life of one of my best friends years ago. He is a strong man who accepts that life always includes pain and sorrow and decline - that it is our attitude about it and action in response to it that makes all the difference. I think that acceptance will shield him from a lot of the rougher edges.

fading lights

My grandmother Crowe is still in ICU. Mother and my oldest uncle are at her side as much as they can.

On the other side of things, babies are sprouting everywhere. I've been looking forward to the baby welcome party for Deb and Kev on Sunday. I also got a baby shower invitation from one cousin this week, I think for the same day. That cousin's sister is due to have her baby this Friday, if it doesn't come sooner. Urghh... D&K or my cousin. Normally family would come first with no hesitation, but my family is so very not in touch with me and this same cousin did not invite me to her last baby shower twelve years ago. D&K's gathering will be happy, loving people that I see fairly often and I am dying to see their new baby daughter. I guess this all depends on hourly schedule and whether I make it out to go shopping for shower gifts this week.

And in the end, everything hangs on my grandmother's future.

gray state

Monster is in town for flea markets and just hanging out. There are voices of ghosts from the past in the electrical ether.

My mother phoned last night to tell me that they'd had to put my remaining grandmother - the one I love and am close to - in ICU the previous evening. No information on what's wrong exactly, only my mother's frustration at what she perceives to be the doctors' complete disinterest in treating or diagnosing my grandmother, who turned 90 in June. Of course, all family information is rationed out through a distorted filter most of the time, so all I can do is wait for the next call. There are no visitors for her other than my mother and uncles for the time being. My mother tells me that my grandmother is too out of it to really communicate or notice anyone now, even if they did visit her.

This year is turning into quite a season of death.

Overslept. Broke. Too much Sake.

I over slept this morning. After having a really bad headache night before and taking and exedrinePM, I was laying in bed all comfortable and quiet and then I realized the sun was coming in - and it wasn't Saturday! The alarm was on but either I had managed to sleep completely through it or the thunderstorm last night knocked it out. Anyway I frantically got ready for work as quickly as possible and headed out. My boss was very cool about it, thankfully, and just thanked me for calling in while I was on my way there.

I didn't get a paycheck today. Apparently this is a company that pays bi-weekly so I am cash poor this week in a big way.

Went out with the boy next door and spent twice as much as I 'd budgeted for dinner. Jeepers! Those guys drink a lot of sake. Naturally, since the whole table was going in on it, I shared equally in what they ordered. I am a bit hazey tonight. The colors are not as brilliant as they usually are but its all warm and cozy here at least.

very tired

This weekend was very busy - in a good way. Went to Chattanooga with Monster on Saturday and spent most of the day shopping for antiques. Also saw a fantastic storm - the kind that's so heavy you can't see the other side of the parking lot. And we still had time to go to the Aquarium before heading back to Atlanta.

Sunday was Joy's birthday party, organized by her loving husband and filled with tons of great food, drink and friends.

Monday after work, we made it to the Variety Playhouse to see The Finn Brothers. Good music show. They've aged quite well.

Tonight is my first evening of rest. Tomorrow is going to be busy with software classes that I signed up for over a month ago. And then maybe, just maybe, I might see a play I've supposedly won free tickets to - that all depends if they arrive in the mail or not by the time I get home in the afternoon. Otherwise I'll be happy at this point to sleep tomorrow.