December

 Working in retail during December means no time off and usually working very chaotic hours. Retail work always makes it impossible to try to have any kind of personal life because I never have regular days or hours I can plan around for classes, or social activities, etc. Every retail job I've had has been part-time so there are no benefits to the low-paying work and, because of the irregular schedules, I can never work any place else because I can't schedule for more than one job. It's all or nothing and I can't find full-time work, which is the only kind worth seeking. I'd love to be able to at least take night classes or a workshop somewhere or even buy tickets to an event but I only know my schedule two weeks in advance at most and lately it's just been one week in advance. Appointments with salons or doctors are always made with the agreement that I might have to reschedule I have to work then. I even missed my uncle's memorial service because I could not get anyone to work for me. People should avoid dying during the holidays. 

I have December 21 off work this year so I want to try to have a little Winter Solstice gathering at the house. It will probably just be six of us but I wish I knew more people to invite. Our favorite neighbors will be out of town next week. To be honest, most of our neighbors are having severe personal issues that I am not privy to or I just don't know them. Most of the people who live near us actually kind creep me out or I honestly don't think I have anything in common with them. We hardly speak a common language with other people here in High Point. MonsterMustDie would rather not do anything at all. He has become even less social and more closed-in and he likes it that way. I have way too much unscheduled time on my hands and no way to fill it at home. 

I hope that I have more long weekends coming up after the holidays that allow me to go to Atlanta again. 

I've given up on work here. It would be great to find a long-term temp position in Atlanta and a place to stay during it. That's my current fantasy. I'll try to make it to more art shows at SECCA. That's something I could do passively, during the week, alone. 

juggling

 I had taken action to be off work last week for my Uncle's funeral. Instead of a traditional burial, he was cremated and there was no funeral that week. I had already made preparations for time off so I was still off work those days. Some of that was good because I would have had to cancel a car maintenance appointment I had made a while back to drive down to Georgia. I was going to have to do a car-juggling & ride with MonsterMustDie to make it happen on time so I was able to keep the appointment and have my car serviced instead of waiting weeks for another appointment when we already had to a quart of oil to it this week.  

I talked to my remaining uncle, who said the family was planning a small private memorial service in December. However, he was a bit confused on the exact date and place. I haven't had any direct communication with my mother's family since then. Now, I'm scheduled to work until 11:15PM (retail work after Thanksgiving) on that weekend. I've left a voice message with my uncle. I texted my sister-in-law, who told me not to worry about it, which in family code would usually mean we are not invited to the memorial, anyway. It could just be for my aunt and her children. That would certainly qualify as a private family event. I suppose a text and a brief phone call is the only goodbye we get. 

In other news, we'll be spending Thanksgiving Day and Christmas Day with Jennifer and her family and I am very thankful for their generosity, indeed. 

death in the family

 My oldest uncle died this morning.  I got a text this morning at 10:30 a.m. from my youngest and last surviving uncle, Robert, "Uncle Ronnie died this morning”. 

I phoned Robert immediately. He was at Ron & Joyce's house, waiting for the funeral director to arrive at the house. Ron had just passed. I asked what happened and Robert told me that Ron had pancreatic cancer and his health had been in decline for several years. Still, his death came quicker than they expected. He was lucky enough to be in hospice care at home. We talked until the funeral home van pulled up in the driveway. I texted all of the Perry family that I had a phone number for. Now, I am waiting until someone is able to let me know about any funeral/memorial plans that will be made. Looks like I have another trip to Georgia is in the near future. 

more dental trouble

I went to have a dental cleaning last Wednesday and my mouth is still sore and healing.

My gums are really beaten up. I'll probably need more periodontal surgery soon to correct the latest damage and I still have several,  perhaps permanent,  numb spots on my mouth, face, and scalp from the last surgery. 

Meanwhile,  I'm told this is just a normal part of growing old. 

In other news,  MonsterMustDie is still coughing constantly and refusing to make a doctor's appointment or take anything for the cough. He just says it's only a cold and no doctor would see him for a cough if he called them, which he won't do. 

He's still coughing

 MonsterMustDie has no fever but he still has a very troubling cough. I want him to see his doctor tomorrow just to make sure this respiratory infection does not develop into bronchitis or another stroke. I can't force him to see a doctor but I really want him to. 

negative

MonsterMustDie's Covid test is negative.  We'll test again in a couple of days or if he has a fever later. For now, it looks like it's just fall allergies. 

MEGAWEEN 2022

We were able to make a long weekend trip to Atlanta to visit friends and to attend the fabulous Halloween party hosted by friends in our old neighborhood.  

MonsterMustDie had a vaccine booster the week before and refused to be masked all weekend.  Today, he got home from work and told me he's come down with something and feels awful.  I could beat him for refusing to take any precautions. 

sharing too much

I have one new coworker who is working with a Covid infection today at the dress shop.  I heard her casually discussing it with Michael, a retired military man who works there.

This, minutes after he told me his sister works in a place where no one wears masks now, as if to suggest we shouldn't wear them here. 

Two weeks ago, I showed MonsterMustDie some LED remote-controlled candles I planned to use for Halloween decor on the dining table and the fireplace mantle. A week ago, he saw me get them in the mail from Amazon and set them up with new batteries, which he helped me install in all of them. Tonight, he came up to me looking kinda scared and told me to keep an eye on those candles I had lit in the living room because he didn't want them to be a fire hazard. I had to remind him that they were just LEDs, on a timer, that he had seen me set up a week ago. Fortunately, he wasn't upset by his memory loss (I am) and he just said "Oh, really? They look great." and that was that. He just sat on the couch and went back to watching Dracula with Klaus Kinski on Netflix.  

mime of mine

 I think out loud a lot. It is a symptom of loneliness, I suppose. I'm used to being alone most of the time. When I talk to myself, sometimes if someone near me might ask who I'm talking to and my answer is, honestly, anyone who is listening. Sometimes it's asking for assistance on something when I know the people near me are actually busy with their own stuff and I really hope they will overhear me and offer to help or at least volunteer an answer to a question. I am used to not being listened to so I don't dare communicate directly a lot of the time. 

Now, I find myself occasionally gesturing to myself as well. 

I need to get a life. 

always something

Argh!  I cut my thumb on a pair of old scissors. I was assisting an elderly woman with some tags on a shirt she had purchased and was wearing out. I was trying not to clip her hair or the shirt she had on, which her son had just bought for her to wear out to eat. It was unavoidable, as much as I tried to be careful, but I'll be angry about it all day.

insomnia

Could not sleep last night. At nearly 3 AM, I decided to take a sleep aid and I slept until 10 AM this morning. Last night's restlessness was probably a result of anxiety over the thought that I have wasted the last seven years of my life here alone, essentially,  without any livelihood or community.  Other than K & B and one pal at the dress shop, I really don't have any friends here and I'm too different from the culture here. The unpredictable schedule at the dress shop prevents me from any hobbies or classes I might try to take but it's the only work I can get here. I do not have freedom of movement at the house to really set up anything there so my days are spent staring out from a static position at the store or pacing inside the house. 

Birthday gift

Karen is back from her extended trip to Chicago to help her mother. She and Bob got together with us last night at Casa WereMonster for my birthday.  It was great to hang out with them and have a little birthday dinner party. Karen cooked chicken parmesan for us here since their house is in the middle of a big renovation project.  

She and Bob gave me this dark fairies that she found during her time in Illinois. She was made by a local artist there whose name I do not have. She's a lovely dark pixie with her tiny bat companion. 

late summer

My trip to Ireland was good. I apologize for not blogging during it like I planned to. I wanted to have a travel blog to remember the trip but at the end of each day on a busy bus tour with my sister and her family,  I just chose to sleep.  

Now, Summer is finally fading and the potted moon flowers that nearly died the week I was in Ireland are blooming at night. 

scents

 The bedroom was a bit stuffy this morning so I decided to start a new scented candle I'd gotten as a gift.  The name of the scent was “Sanctuary” so it sounded relaxing - appropriate for the bedroom. A little while later, as I was checking my email, I could smell the candle all the way at the other end of the house in my office. It was not a good scent to me. It smelled like hospital waiting rooms or public bathrooms. I couldn't figure out where I'd smelled it before at first and then it struck me, as I was snuffing the candle and putting it away. It smelled exactly like sanitary napkins. 

Eau de Kotex. 

Although the gift was a sweet gesture, the candle is in the bin now. 

Tuesday Morning

 Couldn't sleep last night so I stayed in bed late. Got up around 10 a.m. and checked on the cat. Still no poop in the box. I was able to call the veterinarian's office this morning. The receptionist asked how old Ellie was and I told them she is at least 10 years old but, since she's a rescue kitty, we have no idea. She did not sound concerned. Maybe that's a good sign. I was able to get an appointment for 2:00 pm tomorrow. They said they would do senior blood work.  

Easter 2022

This weekend has had its ups and downs. I'm up late worrying about those around me and having an anxiety attack over my unfinished taxes. I do not know what my brother is doing with them.  I am depending on him to handle them for me this year and it occurs to me that we are past April 15 and I still haven't heard anything from him. 

Friday night, MonsterMustDie gave me a major scare. I worked closing shift at the dress shop and when I got home, he was asleep in an odd position in front of the TV. The movie he was watching, Encanto, (third time he's seen it) was over and he was snoring loudly. I got ready for bed, turned off the TV, and turned out unnecessary lights and then went to wake him up to send him to bed. By the time I returned to the loveseat where he'd fallen asleep, he was sitting up awake but talking gibberish. Nothing he said came out right or made any sense - the language part of his brain was disconnected. I couldn't decide if I needed to to call an ambulance in case he was having a stroke so I had him sit up with me for while until he seemed to regain his senses and was speaking normally. He was very angry with me for my concern - he was not aware of how he was talking and kept insisting he was fine. The problem was with me in his view and must not have been hearing him correctly or listening to him if I couldn't figure out what he was saying to me. I kept him up for a while and before he went to bed, he was speaking clearly. 

Ellie cat has not been doing so well this weekend either. She's off her food and has not been doing much in the litter box. Things don't seem to be working their way through like they should. I phoned the vet today but only got a busy signal, which was not surprising on the day after Easter. Holidays are tough on many pets that get into the wrong things and I'm sure they had a lot of emergencies. I will try to take her in to the vet tomorrow if I can get through to them. She is still nibbling slowly and drinking some water. 

Easter Sunday was okay. We had dinner with our friends in Greensboro. It was a nice meal of sauteed fresh mushrooms from the Farmers Market, along with angel hair pasta and skirt steak. I brought some Humboldt Fog and a baguette for snacks before the meal as well. However, the night before, they had gone to see Hamilton and she had a bad fall outside the venue after the play and was banged up with a contusion on one foot and something seriously injured (a pulled muscle?) in her hip. Stairs are a challenge for her but she is mending fast. They went to an emergency room and there are no broken bones. 

Tonight, we watched the latest episode of Moon Knight. MonsterMustDie did not remember that we both watched it together a few days ago and I just kept my mouth shut. I know that telling him that we already watched it once before just a couple of days ago would only make him mad and he would just insist I was wrong, so we watched it together and he made exactly the same comments that he made the first time he saw it - at least, he is consistent with his opinions. 

I feel like I'm lucky to be intact this week with so many around me falling apart this week. 

I do still have my periodontal surgery to look forward to next month. 

better

Feeling better tonight.  Woke up still feeling ill but I think the Immodium has worked for my belly. I've been on a soft diet today. Had a couple of bowls of miso soup and smoothies. Drank a single cup of coffee and took an Excedrin for the mild constant headache I've had. Now I just need a good night's sleep. 

Still falling apart

 As it turns out, I am now scheduled for periodontic surgery in May. I found this extremely distressing until I heard from a couple of friends, younger than me, who have already had it. The gum above my left canine tooth is still receding and it is still freaking me out but, according to my dentist and surgeon, there is a common solution for it that they tell me only has to be done once. 

In other news, I've been having gut problems since Thursday. I took one Immodium and started on a semi-liquid diet on Friday after everything I ate started going straight though me on Thursday. Saturday, I stayed on liquids alone because I kept having abdominal cramps. Last night I went to bed early and woke up repeatedly with cramps so now, at midnight, I've taken two Immodium tablets and am continuing to just have liquids. If that doesn't work, I'll try to go to a clinic on Monday when they are open. I do not want to over-do the meds and have worse problems in the opposite direction. I just want to be able to sleep without my gut waking me up. 

#welcometohighpoint

 I have even more reasons to hate this place I live in. 

Good news: a visit at the home of a friend who is is an electronic engineer for a car company appears to have easily and quickly fixed all the problems I've been having with my car. I am delighted and relieved. 

Bad news: The KIA dealership here did not do ANY of the work they charged me for... in fact, they made my car worse. None of the maintenance I have been paying them for has actually been performed - not even running diagnostics on the thing. 

MonsterMustDie had a similar experience a couple of years ago (pre-Covid) at the local Honda dealership here in High Point, North Carolina and he swore off ever bringing his car a dealership here again. 

More bad news for others:
MonsterMustDie has often remarked about the tendency of people living here to all have warehouse units for their stuff. It's a North Carolina thing.   
In other local news, word on the street and in the dress shop this week is that a local mini warehouse business that was recently sold to a larger company has destroyed all of their buildings and sent all of the contents of people's units to the landfill. These were not abandoned units. They were paid up to date and no warning was given that the land they sat on was sold and the buildings would be emptied and demolished. People just showed up at their spaces and found either no building or the doors removed and all of their space emptied. One woman showed me photos on her phone of it all. Others were talking about it. I can only guess this was a tragic clerical/managerial error on the part of the new corporate entity that owns the property because no one was warned they had to empty their units. They only let people know that their rent was going up in the future because of new ownership, a common thing that most found acceptable. High Point is a very depressed area so I doubt there will be any legal punishment for destroying poor and lower-middle-class people's possessions after taking their money to store it. I am curious to see what washes out there. 

Good news: More people are shopping at the dress shop to replace summer wardrobe and vacation gear at the dress shop.  

things are falling apart

Everything is in need of repairs,  from my car to my body. 

I have one tooth that, after my last dental appointment the gum started receeding an alarming amount above a tooth so I now need periodontal surgery. 

My car appears to be dying. After three trips to the mechanic  it still makes a puttering sound when it's running at a slow speed and the check engine light stays on. A message on the console tells me it has an electronic problem. 

memories of the Hardy's house

My waking dream this morning was my father's mother, Nanny Hardy, telling me that she remembered my tricycle when I was little and asking if I remembered their house. I started telling her the first thing that popped into my mind, which was their carport and the folding aluminum lawn chairs with braided nylon. She stopped my there and walked away, satisfied enough and not caring what else I remembered. Even in dreams, it seems like she never liked me but that did leave me thinking about their last house and elements of it. I wish I had photos of it and the elements within it. 

They had a back yard surrounded by chainlink fence. In one back corner of the yard, there was a long, fruit-bearing muscadine vine hanging from the trees. There was a set of horribly uncomfortable metal furniture - slider sofa and two chairs. There must have been a matching metal table but I don't recall one. 

The downstairs finished base level (not quite underground) was where the laundry machines were along with the inner workings of the house that was always making odd mechanical sounds at night. It was mainly used for my grandfather's workshop, which was impressive to me even as a child. I rarely saw it because it was certainly not a child-friendly place but it was a big immaculately organized space with large machines & tools and perfectly ordered and separated small items like screws, bolts, etc. 

He kept everything in the house clean and perfectly running just like his car, which was huge, maybe an oldsmobile but I'm not sure, that was formerly my father's car. Dad gave it to him when he got a newer car and my grandfather had the car running and shining like it was fresh out of a dealer's lot. The only real evidence of use was the deeply imbued smell of tobacco. Granddaddy Hardy smoked both cigars and, mostly, a pipe. He did not smoke cigarettes and Nanny Hardy never smoked at all. 

They had vinyl slipcovers on all the furniture in their living room and a gray carpet that was actually equal amounts of multicolored fibers. There were TV trays with metal tops and I believe that was what they usually used at dinner. They watched TV a lot. I don't remember a single show they liked. 

There was always a crochet project or two that my grandmother was working on. Usually, it was a large throw-blanket of some sort. That was her only hobby. She had no friends - it was just my grandfather and the TV to keep her company. She had "bad nerves" and was a bit agoraphobic. He was much more sociable and loved doing things at the Masonic lodge in town. He was always working on some sort of small construction project at the lodge. She complained about them getting a lot of work from him for free. Whether he was being taken advantage of or not, I think all that matters is that he really enjoyed it. 

They lived there until he became disabled by a series of events following what was minor elective surgery. He got hepatitis from a blood transfusion during surgery and then one thing after another happened as a result of that. Without him there, my father sold the house and set her up in a very nice apartment in a retirement community near our house. She seemed to flourish there, with my father visiting her often. She lived to be 96 (young - both of the Hardy's came from families that lived into their 100's) when she passed away very quickly and painlessly from what was probably a stroke. It was the classic end of never waking up from a night's sleep. 

it never got better

After being stuck in High Point,  NC for over 5 years, I hate living here just as much or more than when we moved here from Atlanta. Never have I been so bored, lonely and unemployed. 

Even in the city,  I was a quirky individual. It took me years to build the social and professional networks that I was a part of.