Waiting for this week to be over

Adding to the negative this week. MonsterMustDie got the call a bit after midnight around 12:30 a.m. Tuesday morning his uncle Jerry had died. It was not a complete surprise because his health had been declining rapidly for the last two years but you never are completely prepared for events like that. We traveled to Alabama on Wednesday to attend the service at the same funeral home we've been to for his father, mother, and aunt Mary - Jerry's wife. I'm becoming familiar with all of his family in a relationship based solely on illness and death. There are no happy moments in Alabama and I hope this is the last I will see of that state for a long time. His family comes from a small town about half an hour outside Birmingham. There we sat for a winding, somewhat disorganized sermon from a minister who quite obviously did not know the deceased or their family and I felt sorta embarrassed for the man speaking even if he wasn't. It was an awkward service. 

Of course, the worst thing about funerals is that the guest of honor is never there. God save us from more funerals where the officiant did not know the deceased. Better to have friends and relatives just share thoughts and memories with each other. 

Most of Thursday was spent on yard work and just pecking around on Facebook. A neighborhood friend came over in the early afternoon to sort through the odds and ends of costumes I've collected and we put together a simple witch outfit with a couple of wig choices for her. She brought some of their last green tomatoes of the season and flowers from the garden. That was the highlight of the day. I might have joined the neighborhood Bunco game last night but by late afternoon they had precisely enough spaces to fill the tables. I was sort of waiting to commit myself and had said I'd join in if they had a space open and still needed players to avoid "ghosts" at the table. 

Today I am feeling more depressed than I have in a while. The money I am spending on Halloween costumes, party supplies, and groceries only reminds me of how long I've been unemployed and I wonder how long funds will hold out. I keep driving into town to check the mailbox for paychecks from two sources that I've been expecting but nothing has come to me yet for the work I've done recently. The condo in midtown is still empty because it needs to be cleaned and painted and the ceiling in the bedroom needs to be patched. That is something else weighing on my mind and wallet.

The costume isn't fun as I'd hoped this year. I was looking forward to hobbling something relatively inexpensive together with what ever materials I already had at home and now the project has cost far too much for my budget and looks, in my opinion, worse than something simple and homemade would have in some parts. MonsterMustDie is working to make his costume as detailed and movie-perfect as possible. I kinda just want to have fun. His first small criticisms of my ideas extinguished any interest I have in it at this point. I'm afraid to do anything because it'll be done wrong. 

Two things together would probably improve my mood: more paid work and nights out with friends. 

mildly surreal dream

Dreamed about staying at a huge beach house with a group of friends. Peri and Walter were there. Someone with Peri had a toddler - a little girl - who was happily spending most of her time in her room. Stephen Colbert was there, among others. I often dream of small creatures or people that need to be cared for. Objects change or evolve in dreams. In this dream, I had a studio office with a lizard in a terrarium that evolved into a bird that flew around freely in the office. I realized I was going to have to clean up after the bird constantly because I allowed it to be free indoors and I was planning to release it outdoors, where it came from originally in its pre-bird days. There was an orphan white kitten that I was fostering. The kitten was healthy but had a bare pink face like a monkey would have. There was a half-zebra, half-horse/pony that was colorful. Its markings reminded me of Siamese cat mix-breeds that you could still see the pattern evident to tell it was half zebra but it had patches of gray and orange and white. The zebra pony walked around freely as well, like a large dog, in the house.

Birthday = Fail

At first, the week of my birthday was looking quite positive. Everything was shiney. I just started a new temp gig last week with a client who seems to like me a lot this week. The gig was predicted to last several weeks while updating and reformatting images for their online catalog. I had a full social and creative calendar for the weekend and money coming in.

By Wednesday, all of the work that was supposed to keep me occupied for three weeks instead of three days was completed. There was nothing more for me to do and everyone else at the office was scrounging around for busy work (this is one reason my project ended so fast - everyone jumped and edited different chapters). So, profusely apologizing while at least giving me a great review, they let me know I would not be needed by Thursday.

Thursday morning, I woke up sick and got worse as the day progressed. I stayed in bed all day with nausea and a migraine, among other things. Most of Friday was spent in bed too. The temp company had phoned to offer me another three-day gig Thursday, Friday, and Monday but there was no way I was going to be able to commit to it. As bad as I felt, I was right to think I would not be up to driving anywhere, much less working, or walking across the house out the front door.

Saturday morning I was well enough to take my car in for a routine maintenance appointment at the dealership. I asked them to check a noise that has been there forever and gradually has been getting worse. They called to say I need four new tires, due to uneven wear, and the axle must be replaced. They didn't have the part and would have to order it. At first they said the new axle could not be delivered until Tuesday but later said they could get it in Monday if I would leave my car there. Thus, all other plans I had for Saturday and Sunday were destroyed.

Today, I am waiting at home with no means of transportation for a call from the service center at the dealership on the status of my car. I don't really expect to hear back from them until Tuesday morning. I have no work coming in and I don't feel that I can schedule anything until I have wheels under me again so here I wait for the rest of the week.

experience is useless. the past means nothing.

So apparently temp jobs are now requiring educational verification on background checks. How many of you have all of your old school records on hand? I have been calling and having to leave voicemails to all of my old schools that still exist, as well as emails, to try to get my records faxed to a background check company today. Perhaps fortunately, I have recently had to request school transcripts when I was trying to return to college, before I got hung up on finances, not too long ago so maybe it will be easier for them to access my records.

loss of signal

Are we rebuilding the wall?

Corporate publishing (film, music, print) has intentionally killed product sales. The industry has changed and ownership is a thing of the past. I suppose it is a sign of age that I mourn the loss. So much of what I used to enjoy can't be replaced or shared. Even software is no longer the buyers' property without an internet connection to renew a subscription. 

I think this will prove to be a bad idea in the long run, but in the short term it's much more profitable. In the short term, there is a huge savings in production costs and shipping of hard products. There is also ultimate control of who can view, read, or hear products on which devices or networks. In the long run, I think it will greatly reduce and eliminate interest in media. Without the freedom of carrying your own copy of a song, movie, or publication where ever you like to enjoy or share whenever with whoever you want to, it is harder to fall in love with that favorite book/magazine/movie/show/song because too many blocks are thrown up. The change has already occurred, at least in the modern world. I do wonder what goes on where the majority of the population does not have access to modern technology and communication networks.