unfit weather for a weremonkey

This is normally the time of year when, after New Years Day, I do not go out until spring - usually some time in April.

Unless it is something necessary - like work or grocery shopping - or an event I am expected at, no one sees me in the flesh for a few cold months. Now I'm just trying to motivate myself to go out to look for inspiration, to personally deliver resumes, etc. on a day when home holds no interest to me either.

For visiting companies to pass out my resume, I need to psyche myself into feeling attractive, which is hard with cold temperatures leaving me so uncomfortable, crazy static-charged fine hair that refuses to be managed, and itchy winter skin. I feel like I am not selling myself as well as I could be.

Maybe a trip to the mall and a salon would help that... if I could talk myself into it.

I'm also trying to cut back on my habit of buying things online that I am ultimately dissatisfied with and actually shop for things in the touchy, feely, meaty, physical realm where I can try things on or flip through pages of actual books before I waste too much on shipping back and forth. This is harder with clothes than it seems, because it is sooo easy to search for exactly what I have an interest in and see a nice photo of how it is supposed to fit on a model but too often the item I buy is a lot flimsier or larger or lower cut (constantly having to be pulled up) than I think it will be. Online and catalog shopping also leads to a lot of “shopping blackouts” of the sort that I lose track of how much I have order. Really not a smart thing for the unemployed. Buying things is a pick-me-up. The women of my family traditionally have just one hobby - shopping - and I am groomed for this from the roots up.

Where is the mail?

At the house, we have not been able to get a mail delivery since last week before the snow. Yesterday, on a national holiday when I was not expecting it, we got a mail delivery that consisted of one very recent purchase made a couple of days ago and a few bits of junk mail. That was all, but I was quite surprised the postal carrier showed up on the holiday, precisely one week after all deliveries had stopped.

My question: Where is all the mail we should have gotten last week? Will it finally be delivered today or have all of last week's deliveries of post and package been returned to sender? MonsterMustDie does not think that would happen, but I am not as optimistic about these things as he always is. I guess we’ll find out today if the glass - or mailbox - is half empty or half full.

Dangerous Tasty

My roommate brought home a bag of Archer Farms Salt & Pepper potato chips.

Resistance is futile.

better

Today's class was quite good. Got some useful information from people who know what they are talking about. It's always nice to have a class or seminar taught by someone who actually knows the subject matter and less common than you would think.
I'll be back tomorrow for another all-day class. I hope to catch up on my sleep tonight in order to be conscious for most of it.

anxiety

I have a lot to be thankful for.

My housemate has mad ice driving skills. My car was stuck in ice on Thursday during the only outing I've made all week but I had one good neighbor give me a lift home and, later, he took John to the car where I had to leave it and John was able to get it moving and back home.

I still have money in the bank. Not as much as there was in the past but I haven't had to close or change accounts. Two things keeping me afloat are rent checks from my condo tenant and checks from a law firm handling mesothelioma lawsuits - which is like getting money from my father. He's still taking care of me even though he's been gone for years now. I received the last check a few months ago and it has been paying my rent and groceries, etc.


And now...


Warning: this is a rant post.


Probably just a passing mood that will be resolved by morning, but I feel a need to vent.



I have photo classes in Cobb County on Saturday (today) and Sunday. Everything was still icey outside at sundown. I went to bed early to be fresh for early morning drive. Woke up a few minutes after midnight unable to sleep due to anxiety. My mind can't stop worrying about the drive on Saturday and Sunday. There is no way for me to cancel the classes, so I must go or lose my money and this is one of the first professional workshops I have signed up for in a long time. I feel like Nikon has screwed me again.

Then, worrying about money, I could not stop thinking about my condo and the maintenance of the building on a larger scale with serious waste water issues from collapsed old sewer pipes that the city says it is not responsible because it is on private property (ours and the building behind us) and the insurance company is not responsible for because the damage extends beyond the building in midtown. These are not immediate issues but are looming for the entire block at Piedmont and S. Prado. So I worry that I am screwed for life over that issue eventually.

Then, of course, I started worrying about my job situation and how I can't file for unemployment because my boss does not have to admit I have no job at a company I might go in to one day a week for a few hours. Not that I could get unemployment at this point, as few hours as I've worked in as long a period of time. I hope that a new job comes my way in the next week when things thaw out after MLK Day. I saw a management position a few days ago advertised at $7.00 an hour, which makes me feel hopeless. News crews doing bits on helping the homeless needing coats and blankets while sleeping under bridges makes me feel terminal.

I worry that I made a bad decision years ago moving out to the condo. That move has cost me thousands of dollars from replacing things broken or lost in moving, buying things I did not need before and in repairing the condo after each tenant, with the first tenant being the absolute worse. The property is both a treasure and an albatross. Part of me wishes to be free of it and part of me is very happy to own a place in the city that is located so close to everything. I miss being in midtown although I enjoy living in a house with a yard. If I owned a house, there would be a much bigger garden and a studio of my own. I also fear that, because of my father's creative financing (he was a CPA) and the fact that he co-signed with me for it, the condo might be unsellable. Many things in my family were moved on paper to be partially owned by Perry Investments, a company I've been told in the past no longer exists, which is why my mother still has their old Cadillac in her garage next to the car she drives - she can't sell it. Because there were so many things dealing with my condo that my father had to co-sign for - including refund checks from the mortgage company - I'm nearly certain the same thing is lurking in my own finances.
After my father died, my retirement account disappeared. Having power of attorney already to handle my finances, he and my brother had moved my retirement account account from one mutual fund to another and then off the map entirely. It's gone. There is no finding it.
The year my father died, my sister-in-law let me know that my brother (father's partner in the dead investment company and CPA firm) no longer wanted to do any family taxes. That year, he did my taxes on the easy form and that was the last time he did it. He still takes care of my mother's taxes and finances but that is all he is willing to do. After years of having a very controlling/protective family make all financial decisions for me, I know nothing about taxes, investments, etc. So I let MonsterMustDie do the easy form for me and so far that has been working okay.
This is also why I need a full-time job without the complications of freelancing or working on contract. I'm really not educated for dealing with the IRS and I was raised with a great fear and dread of the tax man. I want to keep our relationship simple and without surprises.

Surviving Atlanta Snowpocalypse

I am going batty with nothing to do here. There is nothing to do outdoors and no one to visit by walking, if I could do that without falling on the solid sheet of ice that covers the ground here.

I started one ebay auction for an old film camera I have and if that goes well, I’ll continue to sell other old cameras I have for extra money in lieu of wages and to clear the closet of things I seldom use now. I will probably retain my old original Nikon FM camera and my old 2x2 twin lense camera but everything else must go. The ebay auction is also a form of self-entertainment.

I wish I had art supplies and an easel to doodle around here. Seriously considering some old school drawing and painting studio courses - which I will no doubt be criticized for taking - just to reconnect my brain a bit. I have a couple of workshops this weekend to attend that I hope will be inspiring.

I know I am being a malcontent at this point. Not meaning to complain too much. I do get tired of the line that “only boring people are bored” so I’ll try to make a bit more fun for myself here with what I've got. There has been a lot of cooking these past two days. Monday dinner was venison-pork hash with double garlic kale. Tuesday was shepherds pie made with the hash along with the last of the leftover kale. Tonight, dinner will be orzo with spinach, feta, and a bit of lemon juice.

Tomorrow, both my housemate and I will try to make it out into the world for work, post office, etc. Hoping there are no problems getting out of the neighborhood by then.

A winter storm is predicted in a couple of days

The Jehova's witnesses just came to the house and I am not answering the door for them any more. Last time they came while I was in busy and opened my front door to put a copy of their newsletter inside the house. That is very uncool. Usually, I have the door locked but it was one of those days when I was running in and out a lot.

Last night, we celebrated Mister Pyynk's birthday at Thinking Man's Tavern with the biggest crowd yet. If our group gets much bigger it might be a good idea to rent Thinking Man's for the evening. It was standing room only for a while. We were fortunate enough to be some of the first people there, even before the birthday boy, and had good seats and rock star parking in front.
EpitomeGirl gave me some very good advice that I will try to remember in the future.

I just finished a freelance project for a friend that I truly enjoyed working on.

Thursday was one of mood swings and general family dysfunction for both of us. MonsterMustDie's mother, who has Alzheimer's, was taken advantage of by a phone scammer who got her checking account and bank I.D. from her so accounts had to be changed and calls had to made ASAP to the bank the next morning to square things away. This would have been a bit easier if Monster had not decided to leave the folder of info given to him at the bank with his mother in Alabama, despite my advice to take it home with him. Ugh!
Then my mother was having a manic day and evening and decided to phone and share her dark side with me. I could not deal with her on the phone because I kept trying to calm her down and be positive - this is not what she wanted to hear - and it took me an hour to end the conversation politely. At the end of her call, my brain was fried and my nerves were blown.

I also just found out this week that a friend of mine has some very serious health issues at hand. She does not want to dwell on it or talk about it and I don't blame her. She's dealing with it and just wanted us to be aware of what is going on with her now. I think we need lunch together and a mani-pedi-massage day.

Mick Karn is dead.

He died of cancer.

I never knew him.

Yet, I feel strangely morose at his passing. I will miss him. At least, I will miss the anticipation of hearing more from him - and maybe seeing more of him as well.

Good night, sweet prince.