some rouge and powder

The only thing I aim to accomplish with the start of the new year, other than getting a full time job with the usual benefits, is to get myself in better shape. Getting is shape refers to both appearance and health. I need to bite the bullet and, as long as I can scrape the money together, join a gym in order to be in better shape. I need to start eating a healthier diet again with less fat and more green. I am quite in need of a haircut and color would be a good idea too. I need to hone my wardrobe, fill in the gaps, and toss the rags.

Christmas Holiday 2010

Briefly:
Spent Christmas eve with friends I love dearly. It was a group dinner out at Harmony Vegetarian Chinese restaurant, followed by a long night hanging out in what can best be described as an Irish wake for a dog. They had to to put down the second of their two old dogs. They lost the first one a few months ago. I brought the traditional Crowe Family holiday snacks to share after dinner. Stayed late drinking crying and talking. It was a hard night but I was glad I was there.

Christmas morning, we had coffee, opened our gifts to each other and a few that we had not gotten into yet, and then had a decadent breakfast of bacon and eggs that I cooked in the cast iron skillet. In the afternoon, we drove to Kennesaw in the snow to spend the day with my family at my mother's house. As much as she likes having a family dinner at home on the holidays, it is becoming very difficult for my mother to clean, decorate, and prepare a meal for everyone. She was running hours behind schedule and had already injured herself twice (one bad fall and one cut on the had) before we got there. I don't know how much longer she can try to do this to have a Chrismas holiday every year. Thanksgiving is kinda long gone already but it makes her happy to have this day as her own. One of the most difficult things is that she refuses any help with things - always has, so I know better than to try - and so I always have to stand back and let things happen however they're going to play out. It would make me insane if John was not there with me for it. A crowning moment of perpetual dysfunction in my family relationships.

Today, we started out to visit Mr. Monster's mother in Alabama but kept driving into progressively heavy snow fall and decided to abort the trip for today. He did not want to face the drive back later in the day. He said he didn't mind driving on snow or ice as much as having too many other idiot drivers he'd have to look out for. We'll try again on Tuesday or Wednesday to visit his mom. This was sending me into serious cabin fever and loneliness because nothing we had planned for today was happening. Fortunately, Fun Lisa came to El Rancho and rescued me from a growing state of ennui. Tonight, I'm drinking hot cider and he's watching his new Avatar Blueray DVD, camped out on the couch.

Both of us are without work til January 3rd, with the possible exception of a few hours for either of us to work on Thursday. The rest of the week is open, weather permitting, for whatever comes up.

UPDATE:

We visited MonsterMustDie's mother on Tuesday and spent the day in Alabama. She was having an especially good day and the visit was pleasant. We took her out to eat. He went to the bank with her to manage some things for her. The weather was sunny and warmer than it had been for several days.

Downsizing

So MonsterMustDie comes in tonight telling me that i have to get a job. As if I just haven't been trying. He then announces that his job is too hard at his age and how he'd quit but can't because I am still unemployed. Like he'd be able to find a job after age 55. Like I can find a new job after age 50. I reminded him that he is very very lucky to have the job he's got. He's just down because there are no year-end bonuses. I would never count on that anyway.

First, I suggest that maybe I could move back into my condo, which would be A LOT less expensive for me. My tenant's lease is up in March and I could certainly move back in then if she does not want to stay there. Then, after quitting his job, he can move in with his mother, who desperately needs his help now that she has alzheimers disease.

He did not like that option.

I then suggested something I do every ten years when things go sour. We cut our cost of living to the bare minimum. I've had to do this at age 30, age 40, and now at age 50 it seems like a good idea to do again. We can certainly live without cable. We only need internet access - that's all. He has his cell phone privately and I have my own cell phone account. He eats lunch out every day - he should be taking lunch from home. I do not eat lunch out - I brown bag snacks or eat lunch at home. We don't go out much but we can certainly stop going out altogether unless it's free or we're working to make money at something. We could also live somewhere much less expensive. We could also get one or two room mates if we could move some things out of the downstairs.

I stand by my belief that we should live less expensively - or I should live alone again. The difference between being broke and unemployed at age 30 and broke and unemployed at age 50 is that now, there is no good job just waiting around the corner. There is no great career yet to be discovered. After age 40+, you'd better be in a good job or looking at being self-employed. Problem is I've never done well as a freelancer. I am someone who does better working at a company because I lack a personality for sales and it really takes that to be your own boss. I lack the perkiness to go out there and promote myself. He might be able to do that - because he has owned his own successful business before - but I can't keep up with that lifestyle.

This was an unacceptable option too.

We still don't know what to do, but I did suggest that holiday season is the worst time to think about budgets and saving money and he agreed with that. We will re-visit this after New Years Day.

Moar Kittehs!

I save them for my screensaver.

I still have to check them out now and then. They still make me chuckle. I put my favorite

My Favorite Holiday Flick

Several simultaneous stories of several types of love taking place in the holiday season. Great cast.

Grown up, funny, romantic, real enough.

My Three 2010 Must-Do's

find a job
I can live without a lot of things but work, money to put a roof over my head, clothes on my back and food in the fridge is a must-have.

Art and Computer classes
So my brain won't turn into mush and to be more attractive to employers.

Good Sex on a regular basis
This is important both for my emotional and physical well-being.

still cold

but I'm getting used to it.

I will be venturing outside most of today, working, running errands, etc.

Must wear warm shoes.

home. health. money.

Has not been a good week, financially. I have had to tell MonsterMustDie that we can not afford a new cat because I can not pay veterinary bills like I did for most of Doris Kat’s vet visits. Also, a new cat would probably ruin our expensive uphostered furniture, although I know there are a lot of already-declawed cats up for adoptions in shelters like FurKids, etc. (I would never do that to a cat but if it’s done, it’s done and that would be a plus for an indoor lone cat.)

I had a small but expensive oral surgery last week and that, along with the cleaning that day, cost $1100.00 - and now I have to have a chipped filling replaced in a couple of weeks. I have to pay all of my dental bills out of pocket because I've never had insurance for that. The filling was chipped by grinding my teeth in my sleep. This means, when I can afford it, I really need to get a new retainer to straighten the teeth that are going crooked now and prevent more damage from grinding.

My revenant job, where I've been working a handful of hours a week for health insurance, gave me a new form along with a request for a check to pay for it. The insurance would be cheaper than the last time I checked on the cost of having my own policy but I'd now be paying it myself for more than I make a month and it is a company I have never heard of. I'm still not sure if my doctor or hospital of choice would accept that company. The gist of this is that I am facing, at the beginning of 2011, not having any health insurance.

My bank account is dwindling now and I'm trying to tell him that I can't contribute like I've been doing. He considers moving to a smaller, cheaper place a moot point because he has so many things in antiques, ceramics, and tools that this place is hardly big enough for him as is. I'm nearly certain he would rather be in a space with no yard to maintain so I wonder if a loft or industrial space would suit him better.