screaming silence

This monday is so quiet  


the phone has not rung once and no email has come in other than spam bots.


I guess it's time to go out into the world for the day.

Plans for this evening include cleaning the condo, starting with the kitchen and bathroom, which are still a mess, although all of the personal possessions have been removed from it. I won't last long after MonsterMustDie comes by to help after work. We always end up arguing about everything having to do with it so I usually take off pretty soon after he's there. My main plan is to stock up on garbage bags and cleaning supplies and leave more messages with the roofers, who are avoiding me at this point, and the condo association management, who always avoid me. MonsterMustDie insists that I should not touch the place until I have some sort of certification that the roof is repaired completely and they guarantee no more leaks. I don't know how anyone can do that or what the f**k he is talking about or expecting out of me. Makes me anxious just writing about it.

Meanwhile, utility bills are coming in for it and no one will be living there for a long time. Mr. Jones, on MonsterMustDie's prompting, still has the key to the mailbox. They still want the deposit money to send Elena's family in Bulgaria. I don't know if anyone has been able to successfully turn off cable and telephone services. It is quickly becoming a money pit that my hands are tied on.

Truant old vine

Mild and well balanced

Frog's Leap

Very rich earthy (oak?) Zinfandel tonight at Vinophiles meeting.

Extra Hair Style

It was actually quite a kindness that the on-set stylists pulled my hair up off my neck.

What's inside

I just noticed there is a hole at the base of the non-working back door large enough for animals to go in.

I am a rock.

Plinky asks: 

Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it, or do you prefer to rely only on yourself? Why?

It is always hard for me to ask for help. It's not that I don't want help - I just don't know how to go about getting any when I need it. I'm just not good at knowing when or who to ask for help and I feel I should be self-sufficient. It's as if I should never have to ask for help and if I can't figure something out myself, its my own fault or proof that I am an inadequate human being. 

I think this is also a result of doing so many things alone growing up and as a young adult. There was a phrase I had on my fridge for a long time that stated: The man who goes alone can start today.  
Too often, there are things I want to do or take action with that no one else has an interest in at that time or place. And some times it is easier for me to proceed on things without hearing negative criticism of the idea or my execution of it. I get discouraged too easily. 

at end

"Good night, Westley. Good work. Sleep well. I'll most likely kill you in the morning."