no golden eggs here.

We started out today with MonsterMustDie talking about money and the lack of it and how we aren't making enough for both of us to live on. He started talking once again about me starting my own business with a JulesPerryPhotography website. I told him I have two websites - one on wordpress and one on Wix - that have created absolutely no interest on old photos of musicians or in selling me as a graphic designer. There is no huge pot of money waiting for him in my corner. I suggested not wasting money on small things and concentrating everything we have on finishing the most important parts of the house, like the kitchen, to have the house itself generate income during Market weeks as an AirB&B. He is appalled at the idea of sharing our home with other people who we do not know and says we might as well give up and sell the house if we are going to do that. He also wants to make money with no investment or debt whatsoever, which is an impossible task. I think it probably defies physics and all laws of nature and economics to expect me to come up with a way to bring us instant money with no risk or investment.

All this weeks after I told him that I did not want any discussions or mention of money unless it was options for improving our lifestyle or income. The photography and graphic design website idea is at least three years old and I am tired of hearing about my failure in it. He thought I would be a big fish in a small pond when we moved to High Point (despite saying things would be so cheap here that I could be a kept woman - he forgets that now) but instead I am a dried up flounder lying on dry rocks where there is no place to swim. We have burned all of my bridges and extra-support by leaving the city and there is no going back - only forward from this place. He shoots down every other idea I come up with and tells me how it can never work and how stupid I am if I pursue it.

This is a typical day when we are both at home. Being trapped in the house with him here makes me want to pack a suitcase and drive away as far as I can until the car runs out of gas and fling myself off a bridge somewhere.