his friends and band mates Friday and Saturday. It was an excellent re-inforcement
of positive male images for my psyche.
A little rant:
Saturday evening, I got a call from a friend that had a tone
to it just odd enough to set off alarms inside - So, I had to tell him
I was not interested in expanding the perimeters of our friendship (i.e.
I will not , do not want to, have sex or become romantically involved with
him.) That, as expected, got a really nasty accusatory response from him
that soon evolved into him:
1. trying to make me feel as guilty as possible about abandoning him
in his moment of need
2. saying I wanted it all along even if I wasn't aware of it - I was
sending out signals to him.
3. perhaps something is seriously wrong with me for running from love.
4. he is dealing with such huge abandonment issues that he is feeling
suicidal.
And the irony is - none of his words were anything I hadn't heard before
from other men in very emotionally challenging times like just after a
divorce, trying to prove their own heterosexuality or, in his case, the
nearing death of a loved one combined with a mid-life crisis. I feel sorry
for him, but I also know I can't save him and forming a falsehood like
that would only make matters much much worse. I never said I was not his
friend. I told him I would continue to be his friend. He wasn't interested
in hearing that.
How does a person best deal with that?
The maraschino was I ran into another old pal in L5P this weekend and
related this event to him and my hope that it doesn't turn ugly. He told
me he's on the other side of that coin right now as he is in his words,
totally out of his mind right now trying to stop himself from stalking
his ex-wife. Then he showed me the cuts on his hand (this is not a L5P
character- he's a regular yuppie working-class Joe, no criminal record,
etc.) and explained how they came from smashing in her window when she
wouldn't answer the door. Said he got to meet her new boyfriend then.
man-oh-man
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